How many times have we heard a man say that they show us that they love us? Why is it so hard for you to say that you love us?

I love a man who can tell me how he feels about me

There are 5 different ways in which we feel loved and appreciated/valued:

1) Words
2) Gifts
3) Actions
4) Space
5) Touch

You are obviously a "Words" person, and words make you feel loved and valued by your partner...however, your partner may be an "Actions" type, who feels love thru the actions others do for him. The thing is, we tend to show our love in the ways in which we feel loved...so if your partner is indeed an "Actions" type, he will express his love first by actions. None of the five catagories listed are any better than the other...which is hard to keep in mind at times.

Probably just best if we understand what we are, understand what our partners are, and try to keep these things in mind when expressing and receiving what our lovers give to us.

I can go quite a very long time between hearing the words "I love you". There seems to come a point with some men where those words will never leave their lips. I agree that actions do speak louder than words, however most of us once in a while need that extra boost. And when we need it, why is it so hard to give it?

at the risk of "oversimplifying"..

simply choose a man who is openly, emotionally expressive;
a man who will readily & regularly tell you what he feels for you,
what you want to hear.
otherwise, if you choose to be with a man who is more "reserved" with his verbal declarations of love & affection for you, then you would do well to lower your expectations of hearing the romantic affirmations that you love to receive.


myself, I have ALWAYS paid more attention to what a woman DOES.
the words are nice- they can support the actions, but it is those
ACTIONS
that mean the most to me.

FanciullaGentil said:

Dunno...maybe it's how you bring it up that gets the response you're speaking of (not "you" specifically, but meaning any of us)...To an "Actions" person, they might feel confused or even hurt if their partner asks why they don't say "I love you" more...they might perceive it as if their love is being questioned, like saying to themselves "After all the things I do for you, you're questioning whether or not I love you??"..Not saying it's right or wrong to think that way, just throwing out a "Maybe"...

That's why it's important to realize these five ways of feeling and expressing love, and to understand which type we personally are. I'm a HUGE "Touch" person...if in a relationship, my partner could go years without saying "I love you" as long as they're constantly touching me...lol..handholding, hugs, cuddling, rubs, snuggling, leaning against me, soft stroke of my arm, massages, lovemaking...all those things will keep me content. If my partner doesn't know this, though, and more importantly if they're not a "Touch" person, then all the "I love you's" in the world won't compensate for the lack of touch. So if they DO know it, and they understand how it effects me, they make a conscious effort to touch me more, and rely on the "I love you's" a little less...However, if I understand they're a "Words" person, I learn to see their saying they love me as evidence that they really do...and I accept that I won't get constant touching like I may want...we'd meet somewhere in the middle.

mltijchr said:

Why do you think I'm alone right now

I don't personally put lock stock and barrell completely in hearing the words but I am capable of expressing my love through both words and actions and fully understand most men's inability to say the words but damn, once in a while is all I'm askin. What is so hard about that? You'd sooner see some men being dragged by wild horses through the streets by their hair than for them to say "love", or hell, even pay a normal compliment. I want to know why men think actions are all that matters and what reasons, other than "I show you I love you". Well damn, I show you I love you too and I tell you, you cannot tell me in return? Good reasons please!

He tells me every day, and shows me too

like I've said on the org more than once
(& like I've known for many years now)
it's not surprising that you are able to express love for your man in more than 1 way - most women are good at this, in my opinion most women are better at many things than men are..


I understand that you don't base the entire relationship on hearing your man tell you that he loves you, but as I said in my 1st post here :

if you find/choose a man who is naturally "verbally expressive" about his feelings, you won't HAVE TO ask him to tell you, you won't have to wait/wonder when you will hear it, he will tell you on his own.
so it really does seem to make more sense to choose a man who will tell you these things on his own-
& YES, there are some of us men who DO express themselves verbally this way-
than to choose a man who has difficulty in (or chooses not to) expressing himself & his feelings for or.
or, maybe you simply like/prefer a REAL "challenge" with you man!



then again, in many societies - including the US - a lot of men are socialized or conditioned to.. SURPRESS their feelings or emotions & the way they express them.

mltijchr said:

I have to admit, I am attracted to strong personalities. Most men love that I am virtually untamable so perhaps that's what I like in a man as well.

But still...

FanciullaGentil said:

ah ah ah!
I KNEW IT!

so then.. GOOD LUCK finding that "strong silent type" whom you can eventually (nag) into telling you "I love you my darling.. with all my heart..
you are my alpha, you are my omega..
you are the reason I get up in the morning.."

Words are overrated, actions are much more important. At least, they are to me, but maybe that's because I've been with two lying ass bitches.

analbolique said:

once I use the words.....shit turns nasty! Either you are evil or I pick women that don't deserve it, haven't figured that out yet!

Because it hurts as hell not to hear it back.

abierman said:

I've said it many times. Unfortunately some need to hear it every single day and I hate it when they say I love you a million times a day and then you have to say "I love you too" even though you might not feel like saying it....which doesn't mean you don't love them, but not returning it would just be cold. Funny cause you could be doing all sorts of shit for them, but they still don't get it. At least my ex wife didn't.

nakedpianoplayer said:

What? It's true. One said looking back at the past x amount of months I'd made her so happy and she couldn't imagine one second without me, what a gift I was and all that bullshit only to dump me not even two months later with the message she loved me, but she couldn't be in love with me. That was all the explanation I ever got.

The other told me she loved me several times a day every single day even when she was cheating on me. I did fucking everything for her, even shit I truly hated yet it wasn't enough and I hate to say those three words which eventually wasn't good enough either. If I'm with you, doing all the (dish)washing, cooking, cleaning, handwashing your delicate dirty panties, shoveling snow and going to get you cigarettes in freezing ass weather...on foot...all by myself while your ass sits in front of the TV or computer, do I really need to say "I love you"? Is that truly necessary? She got all the hugs, kisses and good shit too, so it's not like I'm emotionally handicapped either.

Saying I love you is easy.

I have not read any of the other responces cause I'm tired

but...

it's a lot worse to hear the words I love you when they don't show it with actions.

any idiot can say i love you.

lollyp0procks said:

My thoughts exactly.

analbolique said:

I have to agree with that statement. Anyone can say I love you but not actually mean it. I would much rather have a man shows me he cares by being there for me when times are tough, sharing the ups and downs of life, hugging me, spending time with me than just saying "i love you" and then buggering off to the pub or even worse beating me.

FanciullaGentil said:

I knew a girl once who pushed and pushed and pushed me to get to that point in the relationship with her.


If she had just let it develop in its own time, it may have been fine.


Needless to say, it didn't work out.




But also, maybe I didn't say it cos.....



I didn't love her...?






Also, women seem to think that they are great at relationships and giving men what they need and that men just let the whole thing with our incompentence.


Truth is, many men are equally as lonely and frustrated in their relationships as women can often be.

Because most men would be lying. They just want to do the dirty deed with you. No strings attached.

HamsterHuey said:

don't perpetuate a stereotype. perhaps many, but not most.

mrdespues said:

You see, lying already.

HamsterHuey said:

That's right, all men want is sex, whilst women are much deeper, morally superior creatures with , sniff, sob, feelings and everything.




Sheeeesh.....

Don't tell me I have bumped into TWO oversensitive metrosexuals immediately...

Jeeez.

Okay, let's pretend. Men LIKE doing all the fancy shit to get some.

All of a sudden I remember this movie where this woman confesses she wants a man to come up to her and be HONEST and say; I fancy your ass, let's go find a room.

A man overhears this and tries the line, then gets slapped in the face.

And yeah, I know movies aint real, but I always liked that scene.

HamsterHuey said:

Not oversensitive, just fucked off that men get all the bad press in relationships.

Sometimes my wife keeps more bottled up than the fucking Coca Cola warehouse, but somehow when a woman does it, it is OK, when a man does it, it is "insensitive" and "thoughtless".
Maybe men can have complex issues to get thru too, eh?

RocknRollDave said:

"Mmmm. She bought the wrong beer brand"

HamsterHuey said:

stop giving homos a bad name. not everyone shares your apparently vacuous viewpoint, huey. and i don't think you believe it yourself, really.

btw, i am not a "metrosexual". you're just saying that 'cause i won't be gay with you.