Author | Message |
Subject: Letter to Pets (This is Cute!) Subject: Letter to Pets
My Dear Pets, When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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Dear Scooby,
Stop licking my cup cakes!!! JD | |
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Ex-Moderator | JDINTERACTIVE said: Dear Scooby,
Stop licking my cup cakes!!! JD |
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I need to read this to Thunder and Echo immediately....granted it's THEIR house and I am just staff, but still
s Nanc, thanks for posting this! ~ Gretch | |
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JDINTERACTIVE said: Dear Scooby,
Stop licking my cup cakes!!! JD RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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EskomoKisses said: I need to read this to Thunder and Echo immediately....granted it's THEIR house and I am just staff, but still
s Nanc, thanks for posting this! ~ Gretch You're welcome, Gretch. I know what you mean, they always say you don't own a cat, the cat owns you. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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very cute One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
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My cat can't read. | |
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Very funny I'm firmly planted in denial | |
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nakedpianoplayer said: very cute
Thanks, naked. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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ReturnOfDOOK said: My cat can't read.
You could always read this to him/her. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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Nothinbutjoy said: Very funny
Glad you enjoyed it. RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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Dear Leia,
Stop being smelly and annoying and maybe I'll stop kicking you. -Josh | |
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RazzBeret said: Dear Leia,
Stop being smelly and annoying and maybe I'll stop kicking you. -Josh RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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Dear Kitty:
Please stop meowing at the door, and I'll stop telling you "No!" RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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that is HIGH-LARIOUS! | |
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