And in the opposite corner...lol


1) Figuratives use words to accurately convey how and what they're feeling...not to accurately convey what's actually happening. If it feels like you're ridiculing them, they will say you're ridiculing them...even if they know you're not really ridiculing them...lol...they just want you to know how it feels to them at that moment.

2) Get used to the phrase "I don't know" when talking to a Figurative...lol...it's probably even money that they'll say that in response to a question you ask about something they've said or done. And while they probably DO know why they said or did what they said or did, the words "I don't know" more accurately reflect what's going on in their heads (and sometimes hearts) at the time of the question.

3) Figuratives' emotions determine which "facts" are real in their minds. Don't attempt to convince them they shouldn't be feeling that way because the "facts" don't indictate as much...try and understand why they're feeling the way they are, instead of trying to convince them they have no reason to BE feeling that way.

4) Don't ask Figuratives many questions...unless the questions deal with trying to better understand what emotions they're dealing with at the time. Figuratives may answer one or two questions, but by the third one, they'll ignore the question completely and simply restate what they started off saying in the first place, irritated that you've derailed them from reaching their destination with all these "side trips"...lol

5) To a Figurative, no discussion or argument should EVER last more than 10 minutes, tops..lol...Mayyybe 15 minutes if it appears that lovemaking will occur at the end of it.. Anything longer is just a waste of oxygen and a waste of time better spent making love...lol

6) Paradoxes rule the Figurative kingdom...lol Two things can be completely contradictory AND both still be true in a Figurative's mind...there's nothing strange about it.

7) If you want to feel as if a Figurative understands your point, try and get them to feel as if you're acknowledging and validating their feelings first. Once they feel that, they'll freely admit and tell you that your point is a good one, even if they don't fully agree with it. But Figuratives can't compartmentalize their emotions during a "heated discussion"...to them, it's like having to pee reallly reallly badly but holding it in...and then telling them to ignore the fact that they have to pee while you start making out with them...lol. Ain't gonna happen...

8) Literals are masters of reading between the lines...lol...there are no two lines so close together that they can not read between them. And they expect you to do the same with them...lol...they feel they shouldn't HAVE to hit you upside the head with a 2x4 to get you to understand.

9) Figuratives will tune out and shut down if necessary (or if you trudge on into that 16th minute of the argument without any lovemaking in sight..lol)...Don't expect them to remember too much of what you said later, either...at that point a lot of what you say gets instantly purged as you say it.

10) Figuratives will not only try to tell you what they're feeling...they will try to tell you what YOU'RE feeling as well...lol ...They're not being arrogant...they're just trying to validate what they think you're experiencing emotionally...because that's what they want from you.


Another public service announcement from the Moustache Cafe...

I like this one much better. Brilliant!

you been spying on me?

Clearly written as a literal! Almost missing the mark entirely. Offensive in nature... why if I didn't know better I would be forced to assume you were throwing down the gauntlet to get me to write it my damn self!

Byron said:

Those 2 fit me to a T.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

i kind of agree with you, though not really.

i don't know. i mean, whatever. you know?

i didnt understand

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

In other words, I nailed it...lol