I ask this because, I love the way I am, I love the person I am, and even though I have confidence in myself as a person, sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with my peers. I deal with this by just telling myself that everyone is different, although, at times, I wish I did have just someone who understood me at least 90% of the time.

I know this is why people have many friends, because they all serve different purposes. But while many females my age have their "stick partner in crime", "their girl", "their best friend", I don't really have a best friend (who isn't family), because i've learned from the past that you can't trust them with problems you may have whether its from work, a boyfriend, or about finances, because it always gets spread around to the wrong person. So to eliminate this problem, I deal with my problems by myself, and the female friends that I do have, when it comes to telling them the things that go on in my life, they are kept to a minimum.

This becomes an issue for me at times, because I feel alone, but other times I just deal with it.

I was just wondering if this happens to anyone else.....

Is this about bkw's kid pooping in the pool?

That's cold.

Absolutely.

I am quite often misunderstood, but I like it that way. It makes me feel mysterious and cool.

2the9s said:

Fauxie said:

More like creepy

i've never felt like i fit in in anything, i just always felt outta place.

i can totally relate with your problem
well...let's not call it a problem...but i know what you're going through...i chose 2 be different than other people and it did cost me friends because they couldn't keep an open mind about it...a lot of my chick friends decided that their boyfriends were far more important than a good friend ( i dont believe in the term best friend anymore)..so i said fuck it and went my own way..

don't let it get u down @ all...dance 2 the beat of your OWN drum, and eventually you'll find someone 2 b your dance partner.

and about the secrecy thing, i know that first hand as well
just do YOU, no one else...

we'll get thru this.
[Edited 3/30/05 20:10pm]

Yes, I never fit in.


Never.

I'm ususally very popular among my friends. THe issue is that this doesn't actually translate to being "understood".

It's always been an interesting pattern in my life. People used to joke that I was a serial "best friend" meaning I hopped from best friend to best friend. (I have ADD).

AsianBoi777 said:

brownsugar said:

Oh come on, that lovely nip would fit in just nicely.

AsianBoi777 said:

Again. The self-deprecation is in there. Your put-down is rendered null and void.

AsianBoi777 said:

from the point of view of someone that has never experienced that
i dont know what that would have 2 with u being misunderstood
being misunderstood i think is a great thing in the grand scheme of things
people -who are willing 2 take the challenge- tend 2 be mistified by it

missfee said:

I completely understand....I made a thread about my personal experience with this...I fit in like people will think im cool and want to hangout but I rarely do...I don't connect to them and they are really not connecting to me in a real way anyway...So I keep to myself...


And the fact I dislike 90% of the people on the planet does not help me....

bkw said:

i'm serious, i was always an outcast, never the right clothes, music, hair, etc,etc. even the guys i liked were different from the usual. i was part of the wierd art and black clothes clique.

brownsugar said:

U'll dance to anything by book of love!
U'll dance to anything by the smiths!
U'll dacne to anything....

AsianBoi777 said:

smiths, depeche mode right along with public enemy, epmd, mclyte, and u2

yes, and i could care less if i fit in or not.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

in highschool i cared-a little, but now i don't.

missfee said:

Personally, I can fit in the darndest places.

Well, some places I fit in other places I don't.

But it's not like I poop in the pool, if you know what I mean.

bkw said:

like where?

2teh9s said:

"Have you got poo in your bottom? - I dont"

I am pretty reclusive. I've always had friends, but never that many, just 2 or 3 good ones. I do remember a time when I had friends at school but never used to see them outside of classes. I'd not go out on weekends and my parents would urge me to call them or something. I'm not good with telephones either and I'm terribly shy, so it usually takes friends calling me to set something up. Right now I have no friends here in Thailand who aren't just basically family. I'm fine with that as I'm also quite content with my own company. I've never felt like I was missing out socially, despite my shyness and despite often spending Friday and Saturday nights at home rather than going out. I think a lot, about all kinds of things, and do sometimes have a bit of an odd way of looking at things. Online I think I'm understood most of time, when I consciously try to be, but I do get frustrated that much of my personality does not translate into typed text. I can definitely be taken the wrong way and I'm helpless to do anything about that, besides just lopping off a big part of who I am for the sake of being understood on this website.

Just as Sin said of himself, I keep myself to myself and am happy to do so. Online I'm a lot more outgoing than in real life. In real life I've constructed a world for myself that may not be healthy, but I am contented. My mind slides constantly over the totality of everything, from grand themes to a tea cup, from appearances, the nature of their existence, what they're for, what they might portend to, and that makes me a pretty odd person in real life, and frankly, a little dull. I bore myself at times picking over things in my mind until there's nothing left, but that's just the way I am. I don't socialise well and get uncomfortable in many situations, especially unfamiliar ones. When I am comfortable with who I'm with and where I am, I am a different person and let myself go a little. Just a little though.

brownsugar said:

SammiJ said:

thanx for the comfort. I mean sometimes I feel left out because, I never was one to sleep around with guys casually whenever my heart got broke, or when I was feening for sex or something. I feel good knowing that I don't have to worry about catching this or that because i'm very careful and i'm always getting myself tested to make sure, yet it seems, the girls who are the least responsible get the most guys. Plus I don't go clubbing every weekend..in fact I rarely go at all, but at my age, it seems like "i'm suppose to be" going to the club getting drunk every weekend. But I don't....

I guess what i'm trying to say is that people around me (the associates) make it seem like its okay to sleep around with as many guys as possible because it doesn't seem like you are "conservative" in a guy's eyes (just speaking in their terms).

I always make it a point to not end up with a child by a man that I just felt like having sex with because we were both lonely. Its kind of hard to feel like you are doing the right thing when everyone around you (your friends and your peers) are doing everybody without protection and if a female gets pregnant then its like "oh well".

Sorry, but I don't live this way, and I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress of living this way even if I did, which is why I have a set of morals for myself, but to others it seems as if i'm:

1) shallow
2) an introvert
3) shutting people out
4) stuck up
5) never like to have "fun" (in that aspect that i mentioned above)

i'm not judging anyone, so if you chose to sleep with a lot of people, then thats cool for you, just do you, I don't care, but don't pass judgement on me just because I don't. This is how I feel about my so-called friends...
[Edited 3/30/05 20:41pm]

missfee said:

Stick to your guns.

a very good person told me not too long ago that if you have one good friend, that's all you need.

there are times when i feel out of place. i notice it - that i don't fit in with the crowd, that i can't relate to them and they can't relate to me - but other than it being a little awkward and uncomfortable, i really don't care that much.

i know what it's like to be around accepting, supportive groups of people. i know what it's like to be around elitist, cliquish groups of people. as long as i know the former exists, i really don't have time to suffer the latter.

Fauxie said:

thanx. i know it shouldn't bother me because like i said, I know that I am a responsible, nice, and sweet person, i don't need to be a whore in order to be accepted. Sometimes I really don't give a fuck but right now I don't understand why it bothers me so much to be by myself when I always have been....I think its the feeling of loneliness that is eating me up inside. And I have a boyfriend, and i'm not the "smoothering" type because that irritates me, but when we aren't together or on the phone, then that is when I get lonely.

I try to occupy my time by reading, and watching movies, and working of course...
[Edited 3/30/05 21:02pm]

I'm only alone when I'm by myself.



(Finding the folks you do fit with is the key.)