Today my X husband attended service with us. Top that off with my X flame who remains unresolved also preformed at the service. ( I didn't even know he was in town.) Wait now it gets better! I am making dinner for my X who in trade, is washing my car and detailing it for me. This is the first such meeting since my x and I became just that 5 years ago!



[Edited 3/27/05 15:35pm]

I make light of it but I am turned inside out.



I am drinking wine as I type.

oh lawd.....
how r u coping???

This is some sort of cosmic joke. I walked into the church and straight to the bathroom where I inhaled and said you must be kidding. I lead a realatively undramatic life.

:

SammiJ said:

I'm not.

lollyp0p said:

double that

Did I mention 3/4 thru the service they announced that my 39 year old girlfriend died friday. I didn't know. I haven't even begun to deal with that. We have services for her Wed. I am shell shocked.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

x lots



and I'm sooooo sorry about your friend, no wonder you are drinking

SammiJ said:

Thank you!

Have you ever felt like your life was imploding? I know all well work as it should in the end. This is where my personality suxs. I evade all such things as this. I suppose the good news is I am facing it all head on. I am not running. Maybe I should!

sorry 4 your loss.

lollyp0p said:

Yeah well... that part was like a Quintin Terratino film. (sp?)

Caught me so far off the mark.She is my age. I sat there like an idiot. Just frozen!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

[Edited 3/27/05 15:55pm]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

unfortunatly yes i know that feeling too well

you gave me good advice once, You will be fine, just don't keep things bottled up

Chico319 said:

I can't begin to deal with that yet.

I did not see your later response...



~Beautiful Hugs Karen.

~Thinking of you... wishing you well, as always.

Freespirit said:

Yeah well, imagine your x sitting beside you while your other as yet unresolved is preforming on stage... both wondering whom the hell the other is add to this various people crying and the sudden announcement someone whom you SHOULD have been in regular contact with shared her last hug with you 3 weeks ago.

I am presently a bebe in a glass jar.

Freespirit said:

I'll call you later! Much later if that is acceptable. In the meantime I am out of here.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

everytime I see that avatar I forget and think it's byrons account but I just realized it's you musey baby nuttin strange about your going on's today if everybody is civil and mature!!!

Im so sorry

Are you doing better today Muse?

My best friend in Thailand, my Aussie brother in law, was married to my wife a couple of years before I met her, but they divorced and he married her sister. Like I said, he's my best friend here now.

Edit: (read the whole thread!)

Sorry to hear of your loss Muse. All the best.

...
[Edited 3/27/05 19:34pm]
[Edited 3/27/05 19:49pm]

oh, honey. Give yourself time to grieve and figure out what's going on. You are such a strong woman, I know you will get though this. But don't try to be so strong you don't let yourself feel/deal either.

Just how many x's do U have still hanging around like emotional baggage?

It's a wonder you're so filled with emotional larseny.

Muse, take as much time as you need to handle your grief as "YOU" want too. When my sister, best friend and brother in law passed, my whole family thought I was nuts. I kept my nieces and nephews with me and we went to the movies

** doesnt know quite what to say but wants muse to know that love is being sent her way **

sorry for the double post...stupid pc
[Edited 3/27/05 20:02pm]

Ok.... So what did today all mean to me.


First and foremost, I have grown in leaps and bounds. So very much change has occurred in the past few months. So very much in the last few weeks. Right down to the silly things. New tools at work ... new passport... new cell phone...new gym..... I am studying Real Estate quite seriously etc.... The car is paid off in 2 months... I have life insurance... other forms of security ...

blah blah blah.... Point of being I am like a fish out of water. To much change going on. Throw an old flame without closure and an X husband of 15 years into the mix and Toss on top that a friend took an unexpected turn for the worse and the hug you shared 3 weeks ago was the last and I was just plain overwhelmed.

I could sit and go over every thought and feeling this has brought to surface and attempt to read into it. It's just not a good plan. the past is just that. Im moving forward. Whatever it all means will come clear without my attention. Tomorrow I wake up to a new day.

Hey, what I have learned most importantly:


No shotcuts.

Not in fitness
Not in love
Not in anything!!!

Shortcuts cheat you out of the goal. Shortcuts are a detour that cost you more effort not less in the end. When you feel pain and or want to quit. FIGHT ON!