HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION



Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend
the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even mor e
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
>only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Co coa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's
>the best feel-good food around!
>
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>
>
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
>about food and diets and remember,
>
>
>"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
>safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
>sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body
>thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a
>Ride!"

Go to your local quack doctor

oh, and don't forget: mailing all your money and rare prince collectibles to anxiety will prolong your life for, oh, at least ten or forty years.*







































*results may vary (but who's keeping score?)

Excellent!

"No pain. . .good."



I'm a firm believer in the powers of alcohol and chocolate, personally. . .



Now, I have been quite busy this week and have not gone to the gym hardly at all after a couple of months of working out 6-10 hours per week, and I'm feeling lethargic and blah, but it's probably just my heart trying to recover from all of that uneccesary strain, so let's set THAT aside for a moment . . .