She sent me an email saying how she just found out that women in Italy with temporary jobs don't get salary during maternity-leave. She wanted to know whether this was the case in the UK, as we're planning to move there sometime in the near future, and she's applying for temporary fellowships.

I replied, telling her that in order to qualify for maternity-leave salary, you need to provide the government with proof that you give regular blow-jobs

Well she freaked me out with the stupid kid talk.

Taureau said:

If a woman's gonna do the talking-about-babies thing, she's gotta be ready to take the consequences, really. I mean, they know EXACTLY what they are doing when they do that


Call her bluff, tell her you want kids like YESTERDAY and that you can't wait to take your little boy down to his first motorcycle speedway lesson and to take him away for long fishing weekends...Spend hours looking at train sets when you are out shopping. Start turning her down for things, like meals out, another drink at the bar, that CD she wants for her birthday etc cos "we gotta save for the baby" (then pat her belly gently, with a glint in your eye).


It will soon break her, her oh-so-knowing "THIS'll scare him" ploy will be shot down in flames.







All that baby talk scared me into a typo edit
[Edited 3/18/05 3:49am]

And here I thought this was gonna be about a delusional rant to a parakeet.

CarrieMpls said:

it wasnt ??

Mach said:

No, it is a cockateel.

RocknRollDave said:

i thought so too! first thread i clicked on, i'm thinking "great, a nice wholesome thread about birdies" but noooo.

XxAxX said:

Nah mate, that's what us geezers call our women round these parts, innit?



"I'm taking my bird down the Odeon later, then off for some jellied eels and a bag of chips"
" My bird ain't half giving me earache"
"Easy tiger, there's a couple of lovely dolly birds coming our way, my son."



etc etc




Honestly, there used to be people in this country who actually spoke like this.



Like, last year, kinda thing.

I leave my thread alone while I go off to lunch, and everyone starts talking about cocks!


Hey she replied to me, basically citing that Italians are good at giving phoney evidence so it will be Ok. FUCKSOCKS!!!!

RocknRollDave said:

ok well, when i talk about birds i'm referrin' to those fluffy, feathery little creatures who sail through the air.

just exactly what is it about women that's merited them the nickname of 'bird'?

Taureau said:

hush. your original topic was kinda.....weird, so we jacked it.

XxAxX said:

Dunno, dates back years and years to before the dawning of women's lib and all that.


Or maybe in the old days women could fly..?
I think I need to do some more research into this.....

Taureau said:

Mama mia!

XxAxX said:

THIS IS JACKING? "Laugh my asss off!!!!" Ha! I actually shouted out "Laugh my asss off!" including the forced pronounciation on the 's' of 'assss'! My colleagues are baffled! I just showed them your comment and they've just started masturbating over my monitor, the dirty fuckers! They tell me if anyone should jack on my thread, it should be ME! Oh hold on, there's noone here in this office but me. THEN WHERE DID ALL THAT SPUNK COME FROM?????!!!!!

Taureau said:

yes. mm hmm. i see. well, if i were you i'd let my bird outta the cage once in a while. birds need a lot of free flying time or else they get depressed. be sure to change the newspapers in there every three days or so and don't forget fresh veggie snacks in the morning, fresh water with vitamin drops. my birds like a nice piece of warm toast to start the day off and celery sticks don't hurt either.

long story short, if you treat your birds nicely they will reward you by being great company. it's really not hard.

Taureau said:

Mate, if you can't even answer that question yourself, I don't think there's much danger of any babies being forthcoming for a looooong time

RocknRollDave said:

'specially not if his computer monitor is the object of his affections

XxAxX said:

you mean you don't sometimes find the curves of your monitor somewhat, erotic?

Taureau said:

ella731 said:

Taureau said:

98

ella731 said:

Taureau said:

who wouldnt want to procreate with that

ella731 said:

Mwaha! Distracted! 53

Taureau said:

damn you used the wild card!!



2511 89%

Taureau said:

You gotta laugh man!

Mind how you tread, someone's left a load of eggshells on the floor