AsianBoi777 said:

i think ive fallen in love with u again.
[Edited 3/10/05 16:48pm]

SammiJ said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Without arguing religiously, but simply logically, the male in most species take on the dominate role. That may be to his size and physical advantage to protect the family. When a member in a family witnesses the "head" carring out his/her responsibilty lovingly with the entire familie's wellbeing in mind, it's not a burdom to accept the "head's" role.

jw1914 said:

patriarchal benevolance.

I'm a man. I like being a man. I'm proud of being a man.
But I have more than a thousand times in my life, would've preferred
my mom being the "head" of the house.

Is this a failing with my father? Yes. But its oh so common.
Men are more flawed then women morally, me thinks. We've had 3 million years
to get the traditional family right, and it ain't looking so hot--it's about time we let nontraditional family show us a thing or two.



.
[Edited 3/10/05 16:41pm]

Just judging from the promo commercials, I always view Oprah daytime show as a "men bashing" show. Today I was home and working on my computer and Oprah was on the tv, now I truly convinced that it is a "men bashing" show. Most men don't cheat with men, they have affairs with other women. When a man seeks the attention of another woman, 9 out 10 situations there exist a problem in the relationship. Not trying to be Dr. Phil here but women need to understand men. Somehow women use sex to attract men into marring them and then they don't want have sex after the wedding day,["I got him now"] then they want to cry the victum when their "sex starved" husbands satifies himself elsewhere. What to you think women?

jw1914 said:

The only reason that men have ruled the planet is because of their ability to beat the shit out of each other,

jw1914 said:

The only reason that men have ruled the planet is because of their ability to beat the shit out of each other, their physcial superiority is really the only trump card men have over women. If the world were run based on the things that really matter: spirit, love, emotional strength, wisdom, compassion, empathy.....if the world were run based on those things it would be a woman's game. This isn't to deny that there are some amazing men out there, but men are simply different creatures. They are wired different. And unfortunately, much of the worlds societies program men to thrive off their worst attributes.

By your logic, it is not a burden for men to accept women as the role of "head of household". You want men automatically to be assigned this, for what, because they are physically stronger? Relationships are partnerships, if you want a boss, get a job.

The only reason that men have ruled the planet is because of their ability to beat the shit out of each other, their physcial superiority is really the only trump card men have over women. If the world were run based on the things that really matter: spirit, love, emotional strength, wisdom, compassion, empathy.....if the world were run based on those things it would be a woman's game. This isn't to deny that there are some amazing men out there, but men are simply different creatures. They are wired different. And unfortunately, much of the worlds societies program men to thrive off their worst attributes.

By your logic, it is not a burden for men to accept women as the role of "head of household". You want men automatically to be assigned this, for what, because they are physically stronger? Relationships are partnerships, if you want a boss, get a job.

jw1914 said:

It's a partnership there should be no "head".

jw1914 said:

It's a partnership there should be no "head".

jw1914 said:

if you say so

Sweeny79 said:

I do agree that for the most part a vast inequality within a relationship is not a good thing. However, there is no 'should'. With that word you're discounting all the possible successful variations in heirachy in a relationship. A partnership situation where all the myriad elements of responsibility and power are shared out with the ultimate sum being 50/50 is as unlikely as it is unquantifiable. It's quite natural a position to take if this ultimate equality in a relationship is your own personal wish, but it doesn't give you nearly enough insight to speak about all individuals in regards to their relationships.

As u know, I live in Thailand and my wife is Thai. We're both different people, from vastly different backgrounds and with very different experiences. As things have turned out, I am without a doubt the head of this couple, and indeed in some ways of the whole household, including my in-laws. It wasn't something I set out to install in our relationship. Rather, I'd posit that part of the reason my wife decided to spend her life with me was because she knew I could take care of us and she trusted me to make the right decisions for us. This doesn't mean that I make all the decisions or impose my will overwhelmingly. It simply means that in many respects, rightly or wrongly, it's seen as being in our best interests for this to be the case. We both have different skills, due largely to our very different experiences. The life we live now as a couple is very different from the life my wife experienced before we were together. She's a very smart person with immense life experience and maturity in some senses, but quite naive in others. I have other skills, and of course other faults and weaknesses. My wife has changed a lot in the last few years and I've encouraged her more and more to take responsibility for us and partake in the decision making, which she now does, though she still tends to defer to me. This suggests that equality may not be what we have, but is what we are ultimately aiming for. However, I don't think it'll ever come to be. The relationship still works, and whether the reasons behind this are cultural or down to the individuals involved, it definitely does work.

I think it's often hard to pin down relationships in the way we'd perhaps like. There are different roles and responsibilities and people have different skills, so power can shift almost inperceptibly within a couple at various times. Is the couple happy, fulfilled and moving in the right direction? Surely this is the primary concern.


On the other hand, if my wife were to post she'd probably say I'm a pig.

But seriously, I hope that makes at least a modicum of sense to anyone who bothers to read it.


edit
[Edited 3/10/05 23:24pm]

Who says a woman needs to listen to a man????

I had this very conversation with my wife last night as to why some men cheat. And to no suprise to me we had opposing opinions, but we both agreed that lack of good communication was at the root of the problem. Here is the major difference, women have a tendecy to form opinions and decisions based on emotions, men on the otherhand are more logical. Both attributes are necessary in the harmony of any relationship. Because a women is much more emotional than a man, her view of her man cheating on her cuts deep into her heart and is so painful that she cannot look past the pain and find the cause. You should have seen how worked up my wife got, ("what you are you trying to tell me? You cheating on me?")I thought she was going to blow a gasket(old school terms). A man can sleep with a women and care nothing at all for that women, it was physical gratification, that's all. His wife on the otherhand will view his actions as greater love for the mistress than for her. A man who truly loves his wife will always look at things through his wife's eyes when making decisions. What works for me whenever I see suduction approaching, is the thought of my wife slicing my throat and you know what else as I slept. Now that seductive women doesn't look so great! But seriously, a sucessful relationship depends on both parties taking in account the views of their partner.There is no place for selfishness in a happy marriage.

jw1914 said:

Men are more logical?

I guess that's why this world is in such great shape.

Heiress said:

Hey Heiress, the women's liberation movement started this mess No but seriously we both know why the world is in such a mess, and it nothing to do with men vs women. If women ran the world, the world would only be messed up 3-4 days out of each month I just couldn't resist that one

Sweeny79 said:

I do agree that for the most part a vast inequality within a relationship is not a good thing. However, there is no 'should'. With that word you're discounting all the possible successful variations in heirachy in a relationship. A partnership situation where all the myriad elements of responsibility and power are shared out with the ultimate sum being 50/50 is as unlikely as it is unquantifiable. It's quite natural a position to take if this ultimate equality in a relationship is your own personal wish, but it doesn't give you nearly enough insight to speak about all individuals in regards to their relationships.

To illustrate the need for all the qualities that differ a man from a woman. Once I was in a situation where my manhood was being tested from another man, pride manifested itself big time on both us men. Pride was in full bloom, logic was thrown out the window. My soon to be wife came between us two bull-headed men, all full of her emotions displayed in a loving way, and put cool water over a burning situation. Had it not been for her I might have gotten my butt kicked (this dude was hugh), I needed her to display her emotions then. I'm alive today as living proof.

Now I know that there are some of you women out there saying "That would be nice if such a dream man exist." Well there are such men, but they didn't just pop up. They became real men, with the help of real women who desired not to compete with their man but to assist him. As I was writing this my niece called me to inform me of the plumbing problems she was experiencing in her home. She was quite upset, to the point of leaving her job. My niece has a "man" who has yet to "step up to the plate". But a real man would not have his lady worrying on her job as to how get this problem corrected. I reassured her that her two uncles would fix her home plumbing problems, and that there should have never been a reason for her to be worrying, knowing that she has uncles who specialize in this field. Even if her "man" knew nothing about plumbing he should have saw to it that he handled the problem, and not have his lady near tears. Get my drift ladies? Find good men and then help them to become real men.

Now I know that there are some of you women out there saying "That would be nice if such a dream man exist." Well there are such men, but they didn't just pop up. They became real men, with the help of real women who desired not to compete with their man but to assist him. As I was writing this my niece called me to inform me of the plumbing problems she was experiencing in her home. She was quite upset, to the point of leaving her job. My niece has a "man" who has yet to "step up to the plate". But a real man would not have his lady worrying on her job as to how get this problem corrected. I reassured her that her two uncles would fix her home plumbing problems, and that there should have never been a reason for her to be worrying, knowing that she has uncles who specialize in this field. Even if her "man" knew nothing about plumbing he should have saw to it that he handled the problem, and not have his lady near tears. Get my drift ladies? Find good men and then help them to become real men.