AnotherLoverToo said:

AnotherLoverToo said:

every once in a while... folks here amaze me....

thank you

My favorite book about depression is called The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon. It was a National Award Book Winner, and the author tells of his firsthand experience with depression, as well as going into the scientific/spiritual/historical aspects of depression. If anyone suffering from depression wants to understand his/her illness MUCH better, read this book. He looks at ALL of the angles. Here's part of the book review from Newsweek, in 2001

This "Atlas of Depression" maps out every imaginable corner of the subject: theories of depression's evolutionary function, its possible causes and treatments, its complex relationships with addiction and suicide, poverty and politics, and how it's been seen by pre-Socratic Greeks and postmodern Frenchmen. Solomon carefully unpacks the subject of "chemical imbalance": on the one hand, "depression is a biochemical matter," but on the other, it "is not the consequence of a reduced level of anything we can measure." Any thought or feeling, he notes, changes brain chemistry--and untreated depression has been found to produce physical lesions on the brain. So is depression a spiritual or a chemical condition? For Solomon, this is a meaningless question. "We do not really know what causes depression," he writes. "We do not really know what constitutes depression. We do not really know why certain treatments may be effective for depression." Meanwhile, his loving family and friends and his dozen pills a day seem to do the trick. More or less. Sometimes.
[Edited 3/9/05 20:45pm]

AnotherLoverToo said:

Thanks, thats a great post.

And I'd just like to add, not everyone who suffers from depression mopes about with a gloomy face all day or brings other people down. I get depressed.. alot of people who know me, or even dont know me, wouldnt have a clue I get depressed the way I act or am life and soul of the party, I am the liveliest person at work, continually making my colleagues laugh and brighten up their day. My friends, family, we all laugh and joke constantly, and have lots and lots of fun. Yet still I get depressed.

Now to all those happy ppl who dont understand depression.. put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Not often- i'm a "cup half full" kinda person- it'z how i get through life- da way i've been since i was a kid. This usually rubz off on anyone who hangz around me dat is ofcourse if i'm not havin a shithouse day. And then yes, shithouse dayz are depressing- but i'm easy- nuffin a bit of TLC can't fix...no TLC and yes i do feel a lil bit blue. This is where pampering oneself comez in2 play- i don't think people do it enough!! But you have to see da light in da incy wincy thingz in life 2 appreciate it. Sumfin i have no problem doin

missing word edit
[Edited 3/10/05 1:58am]

REDFEATHERS said:

Nice thread, btw Red, thanks for posting this.

work days depress me..so i gave them up!!

I had a pretty serious episode of depression several years ago that was being caused by Depo-Provera. I didn't know it then, but it's one of the most common side effects of that drug. I went off of it and felt much better. Curse my doctor for never mentioning that as a possible side effect. It could have killed me.


Lately (meaning, for the past year or so), I've been persistently down. It's so not me to be like this. I'm pretty sick of it. I used to always be so happy and laid-back. Now I'm a depressed, anxious mess.

When I depressed I make my best work in painting!
And when I´m happy and lucky the creativity didn´t come.

So I had to hurry up when I´m deprssed!!!

REDFEATHERS said:

Right there with ya.
I often hide my depression quite well, or more accurately, I just don't "act depressed" in the company of others. It's probably sick and twisted, but my depression is my own. I admit I can wallow in it, and even take comfort in it at times. I've struggled with it my whole life, its basically a part of me. I can't imagine losing it forever. Yet most people who know me see me as a quite positive, friendly and sweet person.

CarrieMpls said:

CarrieMpls said:

Same here. Been dealing with it since I was 14 years old, so that's exactly half of my life now. It's hard to imagine a life without it and it honestly scares me a bit. If there would be a cure I'm not sure if I'd want it. It's hard to tell what's really me and what has to do with the illness and if there was a cure I'd be afraid to lose a part of me. When I'm depressed I don't want anyone to try and cheer me up because to me that almost feels like an insult. When I'm depressed they should let me take the initiative. I will talk when I feel ready to talk, I will seek physical comfort when I feel I can deal with it.

What I've been diagnosed with is actually supposed to get better as I get older...we'll see. I do seem to bring people I'm close to down with me and it ruined a few relationships, but at least they can get rid of me and everything will be fine. I still have to live with it every single day.

The reason why it usually takes me a while before I tell people is because I don't want their pity. I also don't want them to bring it up when I'm just having a bad day or use it to analyze my actions.

Depends on the day...

Thanks to everyone who has responded.

Would like to also add, not alot of people like to admit that they get depressed cos others see it as a weakness. I can see it as a strength, sometimes though.

When I first joined the OPrg I kept my depression and personal sturff off the forums, for fear of people judging me, pitying me, or as in some past cases used it against me and brought it up in an argument or some kind of shit like that.

Now I dont care much who knows what about me.. my friends know me, and if anyone wants to perceive someone who suffers from depression whether mildly, moderatly or deeply as a nutcase, well they can go fuck themselves. Its very common now, and those who have to live with it, deal with it.

I think thats the strength, and now I wanna....

I don't ever want to seem insensitive. I have been reading some of these threads... and yes, I am drawn to "somewhat" understand. I know only the person living in the world they are in, truly knows their true emotions.

I don't know how much many of you have read of my posts... I don't bring my whole life here day after day... but there have been times I do just lay it all out, it just feels like the right time for me.

I come from a very dysfunctional family... although I was not raised within it's direct path, nonetheless... I have always been aware of it.

Through the years, I learn more... and just a few years back an unknown sister got in touch with me. She suffers from Manic Depression/Bipolar... and has shed some of her personal experiences to me, I want to learn... I want to understand as much as I am able to understand. She did some research while searching for me... and went as far as going to the institutions my biological father spent many years in. My biological father spent at least half his life in and out of prison, he has long passed. Lisa was granted the right to look through his files, papers etc... and she was shocked to find his diagnoses in tune with her own... and more. One thing she mentioned to me was our father was clinically diagnosed as Schizophrenic. I met my father when I was 15 years for the first time, in prison... and looking back... I still want to know more.

My life... well... my life has had it's own challenges and there have been many years living with anger, my temper while growing up was horrific! I remember at the age of 17... wanting to live a different life and I have made some strong decisions to get where I am. I have never been to counseling... although I have always had a strong support system through friends/family.

Both my sisters have suffered from depression... one in which I was raised with... she got involved in an unhealthy relationship with many dysfunctions of their own. About 7-8 years ago... she tried to commit suicide and finally admitted herself into a hospital. She began taking anti-depressants and took them for years. Just in the past few years, she has stopped taking them... due to other health issues. I love my sister, although we don't see eye to eye all the time, infact I can be around her for only so long, yet I love her unconditionally and would do anything for her.

My oldest sister... well, I don't think she has ever been diagnosed... although through her life choices, she seemingly has taken to the "drug and sex world" of trying to block out her real self. She lives in a world of denial.

My mother... lives in a similar world.

And the list goes on...

I can only understand my world... I have deep compassion to all. If there was something I could do to help within reasonable content, I would. I am aware in many cases, I can't.

I cannot stop being me, my optimistic outlooks... and yes, I carefully choose those special ones into my life. I am careful, so very careful to who I allow to influence my being.

I have overcome some major obstacles in my life... considering the odds that "seemingly" are against me, yet I have prevailed.

There is so much more to this story... nevertheless.

What I continue to wonder and search for answers...

What gives the "clinically diagnosed" the right to shit on the world. To have children and literally destroy their lives (much of the time), even before they are born. Just because they are "clinically diagnosed" and choose not to be this way... the rest of the world should be fucked just the same?

I am talking about my life and what I have seen unfold and continues to this day.

There is a thin line and yes, I live a life seperated from the rest. I know there is nothing I can do to change their actions, their life and I choose not to be a part of thier dysfunction.

I still, however... want to understand more... or should I just let it go?

Freespirit said:

Most clinically diagnosed don't shit on the rest of the world. Depression is usually only one symptom of their disorder. It's up to you to decide whether or not you want them in your life. If it hurts, let them go.
[Edited 3/10/05 11:25am]

oh man, I just discovered i'm growing a tooth in an odd place in my gums. I hope I dont look like a freak. I thought it was just a bumb, but I see a white spot, and it looks like the tip of a tooth.
[Edited 3/10/05 15:48pm]

unlucky7 said:

I think you just posted on the wrong thread

REDBABY said:

well, it's depressing