Trixiebldg37 said:

He;s keeping the door open for potentially more action from u at his convenience.

I think you need to thank God that you aren't his wife ... and take positive steps to get this man out of your life.

Either try for a transfer so you're not working with him, or look for another job. As long as you're working together, there's potential for this thing to drag on and he's already made it clear that he can live without you; but you'll be hurt in the long run if you invest any more time into this relationship.

I'm sorry that you got yourself into this. We all make bad decisions at times. But the important thing now is to get yourself out, or risk wasting a lot of life on someone who doesn't really care for you or any of the other women who come into his life.

Trixiebldg37 said:

what he'd do with you....he'd do to you.... respect yourself first! always... and take care of you first ....always...it's only then that you have something substantial to give in true love ... my

Unless you don't mind being a co-wife, leave.

Most married men won't leave their marriage. He has cake and he wants more on the side. Waste of time. And 1 1/2 years later and the man has not left his wife. What does that say??? Walk away, he ain't worth it. Why let him use you, hey free sex!

I think Trixie you've first got to realise that you've allowed yourself to fall for a man who has no integrity. A man who cheats on his wife and vice versa is someone you can never fully trust in this case.

If this guy any class, he'd either keep his marriage vows, despite as you desribe him as being 'unhappy', or he'd wait until he got divorced (or at least legally separated) before he hooked up with another partner.

The bottom line if if he really wanted to leave his wife, he would have done so a long time ago. Think of it this way Trixie, addictions aside, he is physically capable of leaving her. All he lacks is: motivation.

I'm certain that if he were offered a load of cash to leave his wife and never see her again, he'd be gone faster than Carl Lewis out of the blocks! Sadly, as time ticks on, he'll continue to come up with various creative excuses for why he can't leave his wife, and nothing will ever change.

You have to remember something else I think. What you see is what you get. This guy is who he is. He plays both sides of the fence. He's self-centered. He's incredibly needy. He's addicted to drama. As you said yourself, he's contacting other women. Is he really the kind of person you would want to commit to, even if he were single?

I hope everyone who has posted here is causing your interest in this fella to crack and drop, at least just a little bit. You need to do whatever it takes to lower your interest in him because this situation is a setup for nothing but heartbreak and frustration for you.

Perhaps it will help you to understand that yes, to some extent he is 'a player' as you describe. Imagine what he tells her about you to keep her under control, how you and he are 'just friends'. He's got both of you duped. He's getting everything he wants, a wife and a mistress and you're mostly getting a whole lot of pain and confusion.

I know this isn't probably what you want to here Trixie, but you have to call 'em as I you 'em. I'm thinking of you and anyone else for that matter that you need to start to emotionally disconnect from this guy and start meeting and dating other men as soon as possible. Even if the idea of meeting other men makes you only lovesick, do it anyway. It will build character and prepare you for the real thing when it comes along.

Remember, Trixie, if he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you.
[Edited 2/27/05 2:50am]

JDINTERACTIVE said:

All true.

Beautiful words again, JD. Good advice.

Sometimes "love" plays tricks on us. You deserve someone who wants only you and treats you the way you want to be treated. Best to leave this one alone, as difficult as it may seem now. How many more years can you go on being the other woman?

JasmineFire said:

the bottom line, folks...

Get over it. Move on.

CalhounSq said:

yes hit the nail right on the head...

It is over now. His wife found out his passwork to his e-mail account and knows almost everything. I feel bad for her and myself. Betrayl is a difficult issue to deal with. He says that he want to work it out with a marriage counselor. I am glad for her, but he told me that he was not happy in the marriage and I thought that he would leave and go on his own for a while. I now wonder if he just wanted his cake and eat it too. I don't think that he really loves me enought to want to be with me or maybe he may have left since he has to live like a prisioner now and stay isolated in a room and not use the interner to contact his friends unless he is at work. He wants me to write her a letter and appologize to console her. I feel hurt just like her; but I admit that I am wrong for dating a married man. He needed to be honest with her and with me and mostly himself and even if people get hurt in the long run; he can be honest with himself. Thank you for listening? Do you think I need to write her an e-mail and appologize?

luv4u said:

EXACTLY!!!

Do you think I need to write her an e-mail and appologize?


NO


but ... Do YOU think you should ?

Trixiebldg37 said:

no feeling sorry for him... he used you

come to terms with that and move forward

look for work elsewhere and let him deal with the mess he brought into his marriage

emm said:

EvilWhiteMale said:

Not all men are evil!

EvilWhiteMale said:

Not all men are evil.