I just finished reading Supa's thread on wathcing the birth of his nephew. I'm very happy for him. This however, just made me start crying. I'm crying because I fear that I'll never have an experience like thast. For years, I was in an abusive relationship. Many of you probably think 'why didn't you just leave, but it's not an easy thing ot do. If you haven't experienced it, then I can't explain it, but those that have unfortunatley experienced that know what I'm saying.
I'm 35 and would like to get married and one day have a child. I just feel like I have so little time left to do that and I don't just want to "settle" to say that I did it. When I hear about couples getting engaged, married, having children, etc. I'm happy for them but at the same time, it just makes me feel so bad. I feel like I wasted so much time in that bad relationship and my time is just about up. I'm not getting any younger and that amkes me feel twice as bad when I think about, which I try not to do. I try to think about things like there are men out there like Supa that do exist, but I'll never be fortunate to find someone that will love me unconditionally and fully and will I ever completely get over being afraid to trust.
I feel horrible for putting a damper, so to speak on Supa's thread, but if I didn't get this out in some sort of way besides crying, which I don't like to allow myself to do, I would feel even worse. And thanks to anyone who might take the time out to read this. It probably sounds like an aimless rant, but I had to get it out somehow.

I understand, completely. I, too, would like a family some day...but, I'm going to be 34 in a few months and the chances are getting more and more slim.
I've thought of doing the single parent thing, but I've seen what other women go through and it's not an easy road.
I'm sorry, honey. But, don't mourn motherhood just yet...there is some time left

~Hugs... I am going to be 34 and I have no children of my own. I don't regret time and my journey so far. Everything happens in due time... and what shall be, will be.

Everyone is different... although I am appreciative that I have total freedom and at this time, only have myself to be responsible for.

While at the same time... I am aware of time and age... I feel it will happen if it is destined to be.

I could never have children..

But, I am always happy for those that are blessed. You are young, you have hope, desire, wishes.. IT will happen, if you want it to..


All my to you!!

applekisses said:

Thanks, Apples
It's not just not being a mother that scares me, I'm also so mad at myself for wasting so much time trying to prove my worth or how good of a person I am to someone who would never have saw it or appreciated it.

Honey, this is no damper on my thread

If you've not read the thread I wrote about domestic abuse, take a few moments to read it: http://www.prince.org/msg/100/114206

I completely understand where you've been and where you're coming from. I was in an abusive relationship myself and have yet to find that person who I can truly share my love with. The happpiness of that thread is but one side of the coin. What you are expressing is sadly all to common and part of the reason why my nephews birth, and the situation he was born into, moved me so deeply.

I can't be one to tell you which path you should follow regarding motherhood. The clock is ticking and that is something you are obviously concerned with. One thing I would like you to keep in mind is adoption. If ever a time comes that you are not able to have a child, there are children who need families and love. And it takes special people to be able to give that and fill that space. You might be one of those people. Just food for thought

I'm glad you appreciated my thread and I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I know that pain. I've lived it and it's not easy to face. Be strong sexy and if you wanna talk, I'm only an orgnote away

.
[Edited 2/23/05 13:18pm]

1sexymf said:

Aww...stop it...you're going to make me cry too!

Sweetie...think about it...you HAD to go through that...it was a learning process. You would have never gotten to the point you have if you hadn't. You did the right thing Don't ever regret what you did or didn't do in life...everything happens for a reason.

applekisses said:

Listen to Apple Dumplings.

also... Saggy pants and the emotional/sentimental Pisces.
[Edited 2/23/05 13:22pm]

I just feel so bad right now and I can't seemm to stop cyring. Maybe because I keep it inside for the most part, but when i t hit sme, it hits hard.

sag10 said:

I'm sorry to hear that you can't have children, Sag.
I should try to look at those situtations too, because someone else always has it worse than you do,
Thanks for the hugs -hugs right back

Freespirit said:

I'm trying, I really am.

1sexymf said:

You shouldn't hold back your feelings. Feeling what you feel and expressing it is the right thing to do Believe me, the reality that I have never experienced that kind of joy in my own personal life hit home very hard. I was still happy for my sister and her family. It's not a cut and dry issue. Especially when life has not been so kind to many of us.

JediMaster said:

Thanks for the vitrual hug.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thanks, Supa, I really, really didn't mean to put any kind of damped on your day, and congrats on the blessed birth of your nephew.
I just might be org noting you if I can find a sub for my class tonight. Really not in the mood to bounce around. It helps most of the time, but this isn't going to be one of them.

Crying cleanses the soul!

You have every right to cry.. Just let it go.

The next one is gonna make you smile!!

1sexymf said:

Honey, no damper whatsoever. We are talking life here. Life is complex, sometimes happy, many times sad. Feel your pain and find your strength. It's there

I don't have anything to add to what's already been said, hun...

How sad,yet so comforting that others can share something I feel and yearn for and understand completely.
I will be 34 this year

I have a deep hole in my life and I fulfill my life to extremes but to have children oh! would be such a blessing! I hate to think my adult life is surrounded by adults and not tiny feet running on my floors.. yes I have a niece and friends who have children but my own,....Oh! I always planned tohave a large family - 4 children at least, but what will be will be. I certainly would not force any situation.. Iwill leave it to fate.. MY fate.

So everyday I do wonder,like many of you here, and really feel parents are soo lucky to have children of their own.

I would also like to adopt,but again I would do it in the right circumstances and not cos of my selfish greed.It would have to be the best for me, my child and everyone around me. There is always plenty of time. My nieces mother was 40 when she had her child.. her first.

Just remember.. NEVER say never and also if you want any comfort or someone tolisten my orgnote inbox is just there..

I wish you the best
[Edited 2/23/05 13:35pm]

1sexymf said:

You can do it
Be proud that you've survived to this point and that you're now thriving! Don't beat yourself up, bellissima, the choices you made have lead you to this moment...and you're a smart, generous, loving, sweet, sexy ITALIAN woman! That's something to be happy about

Wait a minute...you got Spike!!..lol

these days can be very hard.. yet, we have no idea what the future holds for us sweetie... keep in mind that you are a beautiful woman, you have so much to offer, and your journey in life is no where near over

now, stop crying, cuz, youre gonna make me cry

I am 36 no kids and don't have the desire, because I was born and Aunt. However the little boys and Girls at Big Brother and Sisters will aprreciate you. You can be a brother or sister to whatever age you want. Personally I would never dream of being a single mom, I am totally against it. But these little peeps really aprreciate your time. I do it sometimes, or chapperon events for them. They love it i love it. Think about it. These kids are starved for attention and to be taken to and shown diffrent things. There mind is an open book and their emotions are so pure, no bullshit at all. Just try it and tell me how you like it.

I had a single Mom live next to me for 2 years and I loved her 2 girls. Took them out, bought clothes, taught them manners, it was great!!! I am still in contact with them now. The oldest one her teacher send a note home saying she is the best well-mannered child she has seen in ages. Yea thanks to Aunt Ray she is!!!

Byron said:

Thank you, Byron.

applekisses said:

Aw, Apples, I love ya!

Byron said:

YEAH! He's nothing to sneeze at!

Far be it for me to criticize you at all and I feel sad that you're unhappy but I guess you can always help yourself. Perhaps by going out more or something like that? Meeting new people you know. It's just a thought but I guess if someone has really hurt you it makes you conscious and sceptical of other people. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are people who would absolutely adore you no matter you're opinion of yourself, sometimes your lucky and they find you but you increase your chances by you going and finding them. Hope that makes sense. Anyway... is for you x

1sexymf said:

I love you too, honey...now stop making me cry...my co-workers are gonna think I've flipped out!

Byron said:

Yeah, I do have my little 7 pund wonder. At least he loves me unconditionally.

rachel3 said:

so wait, single moms dont teach their children manners ????