If your partner can't satisfy all your needs, would you cheat on them with someone else?
Would you settle for toys to complete your satisfaction?
Would it affect your relationship to a point where you might consider breaking up and looking for someone else?
How important is your sexual satisfaction in your long term relatioship?
Would you settle for less sexual satisfaction if you really loved your partner?

I'm talking of course about people you love, not people you date for sexual pleasures, but someone you really love and care for.

Heavenly said:

never!...if i loved somebody and they told me we could never have sex ever i wouldnt care..love is more important than sex

Why wouldn't you just talk to them and tell them how you feel?
It wouldn't be fair to them if you didn't ever give him a chance to please you in a way that you wanted. He or she truly may not know.
It's selfish and immature to just go out and cheat.
Too many people toss relationships aside instead of working for what they want or could possibly have with a loved one. At the first sign of trouble, people are ready to bail. WTF?

Mazerati said:

Yeah



and no.

How can you separate love and sex from each other so much? How can a couple really be emotionally close if they aren't even physically close?

But...Of course, you are right, there is so much more to a relationship than sex, and a relationship without it can work, if course. Especially when you start getting older and bits seize up and rust.

Maybe it's not the sex vs no sex that's the issue, but the conflict of two people wanting different things?
It can be a very dangerous thing for two people in a relationship to have such different and conflicting needs - whether it is that one of them needs sex and the other would rather have a beer or whether it is that one of them longs to get in from work and put their feet up in front of the TV whilst the other desperately needs to go out once in a while and let their hair down.

RocknRollDave said:

What you're pointing at has more to do with respect for one enother's needs.
I'm talking about being physically matched, so to speak. a matter of performance in bed, that doesn't satisfy the other's needs. Not quantity, ot timing, but bad performance. would that affect your will to stay with that person? or change your attitude towards them? feel less close to them?
Will it make you look for something else?
Would it make you grow apart in any way?
[Edited 2/8/05 6:52am]

well, sex is important, yes...

BUT, i think you can always work things like this out IF your partner is willing. now, if your partner just wont listen, and doesnt WANT to help make the sex life better - then my answer would be that your partner just isnt that into you. if they were, they would want you to be happy on all levels...

im not saying do something they dont feel comfortable with, but, come on... you are a couple, and sex is a part of that.


does that make me mean ?

Heavenly said:

Well, yes to all of those.
Those of you who know me on here will know that this is a subject a little too close to home for me, so I know what I am talking about here.

I have never cheated on my wife, and I don't see that the shortcomings in our sex life would justify that.
All the same, I can't help but feel tempted and I just hope that I have the strength and the decency to keep to the vows I made and meant

nakedpianoplayer said:

ok, so let me ask you this.
Let's say we're a couple. and I do anything and everything for you. I'm willing to try anything you want to please you. But...well, I'm not physically fit for it. When it comes to mind, we're perfect for each other, but sexually, I can't hold long enough, or I'm not big enough. How would that effect our relationship?

Heavenly said:

Um..not sure I know what you are getting at here....

Is there something troubling you son?



Well, if the other person physically cannot do what you want them to, well to cheat on them because of that is a bit harsh, innit? How would that differ from cheating on someone because they had a broken leg and can't have sex this week? Or if they became disabled through illness? They physically can't do it, so I get a free pass to go elsewhere? I don't think that would be fair, or do you think I'm over simplifying it?

RocknRollDave said:

Yes, it is something that is troubling me.

ok, the examples you gave of someone with a broken leg, or someone becoming disabled is after the relationship started. what if those disabilities were there from the start? would you get invloved with someone who you know would never be able to satisfy you sexually?

And yes, I agree, cheating is cheating. So let me ask it another way, would it make you grow apart? or would you still feel as close to this person as with someone who COULD satisfy you?

RocknRollDave said:

ok, i see now, if the man is physically unable to do the things i would like him to do, then NO you cannot cheat on him or leave him for that - that would just be stupid.

what im saying is... that man has to find other ways to make our sex life work... say, toys, yeah, thats a great idea oral, thats another idea that doesnt take any superhuman abilities. or oral + toys that may be the best of all

my point is, its one thing when you CANT do it, its a whole different thing when you dont care....

hope you understand what im saying

Heavenly said:

Honestly, yes I think it does make you grow apart, or at least it keeps a distance there that needn't be there. That's not to say it is the difference between being together and not being together, it's just that the relationship isn't as good as it could be. It may still be pretty good all the same.

If you have a great friendship and mutual interests, that's gonna go a long way towards bringing you together and keeping you together, but yeah, a duff sex life can mean a relationship misses it's potential.

.
[Edited 2/8/05 7:36am]

nakedpianoplayer said:

I uderstand exactly what you mean, and it seemed you understood exactly what I was getting at.

It does have a lot to do with the question "Does size matter". But not only that. so yes, there are other ways of pleasing. but when you chat with people about sexual activities, and you hear them brag about their sex lived, size, or how long they can hold, or whatever. does it make you feel disappointed that even though the oral and toys is great. fantastic! But you still don't have that...well, let's be blunt for a second, huge throbbing dick that will allow you to have a great fuck?

Heavenly said:

yeah, i thought this is where this was going...


heres the deal hun, its not about size, its about being willing to go that extra mile to make it work.. thats all i can say.

that 'huge, throbbing dick' you speak of ?? let me let you in on a secret - there are not a lot of men that have that in the first place its a myth, and sure, all kinds of men say that, but they cant really back it up.

as long as you can do your very best to keep her smiling, all should be well..

Heavenly said:

So.....





you're saying I have a small penis, then...?

nakedpianoplayer said:

EXTRA MILE?!?! How big exactly does a guy's dick have to be to satisfy a woman, then ?!?!?!?!?!

RocknRollDave said:

No, I'm saying that I have one But it's good to know I'm not alone

Heavenly said:

Man, mine could be 24 foot long and covered with flashing party lights for all the action it gets

a) I don't believe you have a penis that is any smaller or larger than any other guy's, on average
b) I DO believe you have a confidence in your own physical appearance that is smaller that the average guy's. I'd work on THAT if I were you, mate

RocknRollDave said:

youre silly

RocknRollDave said:

a) I'm basing my size on the average that is known to people, and known to my previous sexual partners. It's small, and it's a fact. a painful fact, but a fact.

b) yes, my comfindence is close to zero. based on my past experiences. Yes, it's 90% of the reason that I don't go out on dates. Yes, it's more fear than I should have. Yes, I put a lot of emphasis on it, much more than I should, but I can't help it. I'm the only one who will have to live with it for the rest of my life. Anyone else that has to deal with me can just decide to go somewhere else. I'm the only one that really is stuck with that little bastard for eternity, so I can't help but think about it a lot. Especially when I keep hearing all around me about other people's performances, length and girth and how happy they are to either have one, or date one.

Heavenly said:

im sorry... im sorry for a lot of things...

first, im sorry that you have to FEEL the way you do seriously honey, im tellin ya, sure a big dick is neat.... but, i have seen a many a big dick stuck to a LOSER of a man !!!!! trust me, its not EVERYTHING.... all you have to do is make an effort here. try to show that even though you may not think that you are carrying the worlds biggest tools, you can break a woman down in other ways and be PROUD that you are caring enough to try to make it work instead of just ignoring the situation.

let me help you out with some real life experiences, im sure the girls here will back me up on this.....

cant tell ya how many times i have unwrapped that 'gift' and smiled inside at the sheer feel of it in my hand, only to find out that the guy has NO FREAKING CLUE what makes a woman happy in bed not only that, he doesnt seem to give a shit gets his, and leaves me there looking at him like - NOW THATS A PROBLEM !!!!!

see ?

how about the guy that you get with that doesnt pack a lot of punch, you think to yourself, ok, i can handle this one... and then that guy goes down on you till you scream so loud the paint is comming off your walls ???? flips you over and gets in from the back, all the while talking more X rated stuff than your lil ears can handle !!! oh, and at the end he slides it in your.....

you get my point, its all about MAKING THE SITUATION WORK !!!!!

hold your head high sweetie, you are a good man, you will do fine

I love eenie weenies I think they're cute! And they hit the g-spot


Honestly it's better to be small than big because really big ones are painful. Also remember that a couple inches into the vagina there's no feeling. As long as you can reach the g-spot (about an inch and a half in) everything should be okay. Don't pay attention to what anyone says.

Heavenly said:

well sexual attraction is not the basis for a relationship but it sure fuckin' helps. if my man can't satisfy me its my job to let him know how to satisfy me. what i like and don't like. if he can't do those things then if i really love him then we'd find another way to please eachother. but if he's unwilling to try new things to please me then that means he really doesn't care about my feelings and my needs as far as intimacy. thus meaning he could care less about sustaining the relationship, thus meaning he's gonna be dumped.

nakedpianoplayer said:

Thank you. Yes, I know I put too much into it, and I shouldn't feel as low as I do. But I can't help it.
Yes, I make a lot of effort to please orally. And I seem to get compliments on that. But the big difference is, those people who have it and don't care - they can improve their performances, they can get better, if they only want to. For me? it's a flaw that cannot me repaired. It's got a lot to do with my character. I always try to make the best, and knowing that this is something I cannot change, drives me crazy.
In other words, I know no limits to my abilities, except this one. This is the only limit known to me.

Heavenly said:

im sorry, i just have to disagree...

your only 'limit' as you say, is that you have this feeling to begin with... time to let that one go sugar like i said, you are to awesome a person to let this shit get to you..

be you, and ANY woman would be more than pleased to have you in her life

nakedpianoplayer said:

wow i agree with you on that!

nakedpianoplayer said:

Thank you.

nakedpianoplayer said:

exactly NPP, we all have insecurities about things, sometimes you just have to overlook things


ariel you are a wonderful man

dont be silly, anyone that is lucky enought to land you is a truly blessed

ella731 said:

Where were you two during my teens? I could've really used your great input back then.