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something funny ... or whatever Post something funny ... or whatever
Dating . . . . In 1960 It's the summer of 1960 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Jerry Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Jerry Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Jerry Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. That's cool, Harold thinks to himself. Jerry Sue's father asks Harold what they are planning to do. Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in-movie. Jerry Sue's father responds, "Why don'! t you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says, "Whaaaat!?" "Yeah," says Jerry Sue's father, "We know Jerry Sue really likes to screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!" Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Jerry Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Harold. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Jerry Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "Dammit Daddy! The Twist. . . . . it's called the Twist." | |
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Some men have no idea when to keep their mouth shut
The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc. Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down-sizing and it's effects on a 50 years old executive. Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 30 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot, she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments. By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car. She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!" Some men have no idea when to keep their mouth shut. | |
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Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give either one million dollars or my beautiful daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy says, "I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter...what I want is the sonofabitch who pushed me in that water!" | |
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at all of these! I'm firmly planted in denial | |
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I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" Uh," I was thinking quickly, "...all moms know this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy." | |
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I can't, I am watching Stepmom and it is creating such saddness... | |
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Freespirit said: I can't, I am watching Stepmom and it is creating such saddness...
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My child of the 90's....when my daughter was about 5 years old, she saw a picture of Arlington Cemetery.
She asked me what all the white crosses were for. I told her that they were to mark the graves of the soldiers. She wanted to know what a grave was. I explained that was where they buried people when they die. She wanted to know why they bury dead people. Not having a good answer, I asked her what she thought they should do with people when they die. She pondered that a second and said "Recylce them?" | |
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Pearle said: My child of the 90's....when my daughter was about 5 years old, she saw a picture of Arlington Cemetery.
She asked me what all the white crosses were for. I told her that they were to mark the graves of the soldiers. She wanted to know what a grave was. I explained that was where they buried people when they die. She wanted to know why they bury dead people. Not having a good answer, I asked her what she thought they should do with people when they die. She pondered that a second and said "Recylce them?" Soylent Green is people!!...People!!... | |
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