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How do you tell little kids about death and dying? My brother-in-law's father is on his death bed - not expected to last until the weekend. The family have all been summoned to the hospital to have a last visit and since he is 84 they won't be doing a lot but making his last days comfortable with loads of morphine.
He is my kids' extra "nonno", they like him a lot. They will be expected to go with us to his funeral, and lots of people (including their own parents) will be crying. What should I be doing to prepare them? They are 3 and 4 years old. | |
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  I'm sad to hear your news.
To answer your question; I think it's best to tell children the truth, in a way thety can comprehend. You know your child better than anyone, and though it may seem hard to grasp (depending on their age), I think at least it gives them a better or even closer understanding of a loved one's passing. 
 God Bless u and your family | |
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Chico1 said: I'm sad to hear your news.
To answer your question; I think it's best to tell children the truth, in a way thety can comprehend. You know your child better than anyone, and though it may seem hard to grasp (depending on their age), I think at least it gives them a better or even closer understanding of a loved one's passing.
God Bless u and your family cosign...my thoughts are with you and the family, Charlotte | |
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Tell them that he is sick and is going to die..For children death is natural.
My fathers wife died of cancer last year. I let my son Tim (5yrs then) look into the coffin ( she looked normal) and explained to him that she wasn't breathing anymore and that her skin was cold. He looked at her...touched her... said goodbye and then went outside to go play with his ball! For children this is normal, ofcourse they are sad because he or she is gone but I think they understand it better when your honost to them! The Borg... Partypoopers of the galaxy.. ( Medical Hologram )
------------------------------------------------- ..Where is my lovelife.. where can it be?? There must be something wrong with the machinery.. | |
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If they ask questions, tell them the truth. 
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
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moderatorcharlottegelin said: My brother-in-law's father is on his death bed - not expected to last until the weekend. The family have all been summoned to the hospital to have a last visit and since he is 84 they won't be doing a lot but making his last days comfortable with loads of morphine.
He is my kids' extra "nonno", they like him a lot. They will be expected to go with us to his funeral, and lots of people (including their own parents) will be crying. What should I be doing to prepare them? They are 3 and 4 years old. Is your family Italian? (Nonno is Italian for Grandpa  ) I would have them go to the funeral...let them see him in the coffin and touch his hand... HowComeYouDontCallme's advice is really good. Kids are more resiliant than we realize when it comes to these things. for you and your family.  | |
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so sorry to hear your family is going through this....
at the age your children are at they will take it fairly well it is important at that age that you don't use phrases like they have passed on or other non specific ways as young children will not understand the meaning We lost my ex husbands nan when my daughter was 3 and we just sat her down and told her that her great grandma was dead that she wouldn't be around anymore but that she loved her very much and that was it for the first day. We let her ask questions and answered honestly, it is always easier to keep it as simple as possible. we didnt discuss heaven god ect till a few days later when it had sunk in. I found bobbi to be very resilient but if you flower the truth you will not be helping anyone in the long run. Some children may think this happened because of them and will need reasuring hope it works out for you just let her know the truthe and discuss it after openly when they are ready maybe letting them know it's natural and be prepared for other questions and the fear they may loose you next if this person died everyone may die ect, a lot of reassurence may be needed for a little while. | |
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luv4u said: If they ask questions, tell them the truth.
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Sorry to hear about that.I deal with chronic pain(daily)so,I can relate.Best wishes to you in-laws.I don't have kids so I cant't help ya there  | |
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applekisses said: Is your family Italian? (Nonno is Italian for Grandpa ) I would have them go to the funeral...let them see him in the coffin and touch his hand... HowComeYouDontCallme's advice is really good. Kids are more resiliant than we realize when it comes to these things. for you and your family. My brother-in-law (my husband's sister's husband) is italian. His parents are my kids' cousins' grandparents who are like an extra set of grandparents for my kids, they have from my side "mormor and morfar" (swedish), from my husbands side "abuela and abuelo" (argentinian) and also their "nonna and nonno". | |
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HowComeYouDontCallme said: Tell them that he is sick and is going to die..For children death is natural.
My fathers wife died of cancer last year. I let my son Tim (5yrs then) look into the coffin ( she looked normal) and explained to him that she wasn't breathing anymore and that her skin was cold. He looked at her...touched her... said goodbye and then went outside to go play with his ball! For children this is normal, ofcourse they are sad because he or she is gone but I think they understand it better when your honost to them! wonderful advice | |
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Chico1 said: I'm sad to hear your news.
To answer your question; I think it's best to tell children the truth, in a way thety can comprehend. You know your child better than anyone, and though it may seem hard to grasp (depending on their age), I think at least it gives them a better or even closer understanding of a loved one's passing.
God Bless u and your family Thank you. I agree, tell them only the truth. I am going to ask my husband's parents not to tell my kids nonno is "sleeping" - I have heard kids might be afraid it might happen to them if they go to sleep and can't wake up. Better to differentiate death as a completely separate thing. | |
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lollyp0p said: hope it works out for you just let her know the truthe and discuss it after openly when they are ready maybe letting them know it's natural and be prepared for other questions and the fear they may loose you next if this person died everyone may die ect, a lot of reassurence may be needed for a little while.
Thank you. I AM scared that the boys will start to worry about losing us. 
Thanks for this http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/...mhgu15.htm terrific advice. | |
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charlottegelin said: Chico1 said: I'm sad to hear your news.
To answer your question; I think it's best to tell children the truth, in a way thety can comprehend. You know your child better than anyone, and though it may seem hard to grasp (depending on their age), I think at least it gives them a better or even closer understanding of a loved one's passing.
God Bless u and your family Thank you. I agree, tell them only the truth. I am going to ask my husband's parents not to tell my kids nonno is "sleeping" - I have heard kids might be afraid it might happen to them if they go to sleep and can't wake up. Better to differentiate death as a completely separate thing. Yes, do not tell them that nonno is sleeping, you are right on the money about what they might think. Kids take things literally. | |
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charlottegelin said: HowComeYouDontCallme said: Tell them that he is sick and is going to die..For children death is natural.
My fathers wife died of cancer last year. I let my son Tim (5yrs then) look into the coffin ( she looked normal) and explained to him that she wasn't breathing anymore and that her skin was cold. He looked at her...touched her... said goodbye and then went outside to go play with his ball! For children this is normal, ofcourse they are sad because he or she is gone but I think they understand it better when your honost to them! wonderful advice You're welcome
Good luck! The Borg... Partypoopers of the galaxy.. ( Medical Hologram )
------------------------------------------------- ..Where is my lovelife.. where can it be?? There must be something wrong with the machinery.. | |
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Most children that age, or any age, don't have the same issues about death as adults do. Explain to them in the most simplest terms and it won't phase them
I also believe that if you expose a child to death at a young age, it will be a little less difficult for them to deal with as an adult | |
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