okay, i have been dating a guy, a really sweet wonderful intelligent guy and he has a problem... a big one. he is a heroin addict. about once a week, he gets quite sick, and the methadone is helping, but not quite as well as it should, and they are adjusting the dosage.

he's physically addicted, but not really mentally, it doesn't even get him high anymore, he is just suffering from withdrawls, and ends up shooting up because he can't handle the pain.

he's trying to quit, and i have great confidence he will.

but my question is this: how do i help him quit?

does anyone have any experience with this or am i just really treading down a not often travelled path?

i want to help him, as i know he genuinely wants to quit. he is quite candid about what he does and very honest with me about it, and i dont want to break up with him.

help?

I'd love to help man, but I have zero experience information on this one. Just didn’t want to leave the thread blank, hope someone comes up with something soon good luck. Just a random though bout could you talk to his methadone prescriber for help?

Of the heroin addicts I've known in my family and among friends, none of them have been able to kick it, no matter our help. I'm not saying it's impossible but just want you to know you may be in for one of the longest roads you've ever traveled.

cborgman said:

Hey there!

Unfortunately I have some experience in this matter as both my father and an ex-boyfriend were both addicted to heroin.

After being put away in drug detox, the only other thing that helped them both was Narcotics Anonymous...the thing about twelve step programs is that you sorta replace the addiction of the drug to the addiction of a twelve step program.

And I recommend you attend an Alanon meeting as well. If you want more details, please, feel free to orgnote me...

Much Love!

okay, I don't have much experience with heroin addiction, I've grown up w/ alcohol addiction (which is very different, I know)- but I have always been taught to do the "tough love" thing. Having said that, how long has he been trying to quit? How long on Methadone? Has he been weening off of heroin-doing less of it but still buckling under the pain?

Cborg you're not gonna like my response but I'm just gonna tell you how it is. You can't help him. He has got to help himself. I don't care how much he says he's gonna quit and he's trying, don't believe him until you see it. He is gonna have to get sick before he gets better and methadone is NOT the answer. He'll just get hooked on that instead. I had 3 very close friends that got addicted to heroin. One got pregnant and quit immediately with no withdrawals, the other ended up going to jail and had to quit that way, and the last one is still fucked up on methadone and oxycontin.

Don't let him fool you, I don't care how nice he is and what he's telling you. The truth is he's a heroin addict and he needs to stop it himself.

whatever you decide to do, just make sure you don't get sucked into
it too deeply. you keeping a clear head and being a constant in his
life right now is probably the best thing you can do.

if you really want to keep dating him than I'd just set limits to
what I would be willing to do and what I would not be able to put
up with. Beyond that, he could get all the help he wanted whenever
he wanted.

But just be carefull. People aren't trained to help drug addicts
kick the habbit for nothing. It's not easy for a "regular" person
to help someone else through it.

oh and if you feel like you might need a hug yourself, just jump
onto the org. We're always ready to cup a feel

TheResistor said:

NA helps a lot...gives them strength to stay off the dope.

I was also gonna suggest NA meetings. Family members that I've known of with heroin addictions were able to kick it with the help of 12 step programs....but like someone else has mentioned, it is a long road.

I also knew someone who had an addiction (Not sure if it was heroin), but they received help through hypnosis. With situations like this, anything is worth trying.

My thoughts are prayers to you and your boyfriend, Chris

Smooches;)
[Edited 1/31/05 12:20pm]

Chris, I have no experience on this one. But I just wanted to offer my prayers and well wishes. Best to all of you.

TheResistor said:

this is really good advice. i think one of the best things you can do is talk about it, "real time", with people who may be - or might have been - in similar situations, or who are in a space to be supportive (or at least just listen). i know someone who ended a relationship with a substance abuser over three years ago, and this person STILL attends alanon meetings now and then. i would definitely check one out if i were you.

CarrieLee said:

I agree with you CarrieLee.
Unfortunately he will have to hit a dark bottom before "real" change occurs. And as Instenzek pointed out, you must not let him suck into his dark hole.

After the hell I went through with my father you would think that I learned a thing or two. But it was my mother that dealt with everytihng and "tried to help" him quit and in turn introduced us to a hellish childhood. But, a lesson must be lived in order to be learned, right? I had to fall for a guy with not only an addiction to heroin but every other substance known to man. As he went through his crazyness I found myself turning into a confused/bitter/angry/depressed individual. It seems, I had all the characteristics of a caretake/inabler (sp?) alonon, type of person. And why not. I learned it all by watching my mother taking on all the bullshit.

Be strong!

CarrieLee said:

Like Carrie said, you aren't going to be able to solve this man's problems. Only he can do that. One of my cousins goes through periods where she's clean and then she gets back on the shit and she'll run off and we don't hear from her for long periods of time. And it's really hard to see her doing something you cannot control. It's hard, especially when it's someone you love. Get him more involved in treatment if at all possible. God Bless you in this venture Chris

man, how much is he "Fixing" cus if he's squeezing just for the pain..hes just being dependant and still not Kicking,he has to want to stop.

he needs to kick it. no more doing it on the weekends because he's sick. that's part of kicking the habit.

Be happy that at least he's honest and you guys can discuss it. It's hard having a BF who's into that. It's porbably hardest being the one addicted...wanting to stop and dating someone who cares and wants you to stop, even if you can't. He's also probably going through the "will he also dump me because of my addiction?" Though you don't want to be that person either.

So, it's gotta get kicked, It's going to be a long road ahead even so. But...BUT you should not have to carry the burden of his addiction...and if you decide you can't date him because of it...that should be OK too. He has to realize that with addiction comes hard parts like trying to kick and maybe meeting someone you want to date. It's part of the consequences. Maybe he should date someone AFTER he's kicked the habit...instead of it being something that he has to put upon those he dates. In other words..it's OK if this is more than you want to handle, and he should be cool with that too.

I hope things do work out. Seriously.

PREDOMINANT said:

thanks

more than anyhting i am loking for specifics in supporting them emotionally, such as encouragemnt, topics to avoid, etc

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

well, here's to hoping. he seems worth it

TheResistor said:

i had already been thinking about that as a necessity, and it seems like it will be the best option.

did they ever get clean?

True to all this. My mother being addicted to various drugs all her life, including heroin when pregnant with me. Still to this day... she is doing crack and god/her know what else. My oldest sister and so many more I have no contact with... it's all the same fuckin road.

(we were well aware of their life styles, yet were removed out of my mother possession when young, me being the youngest) My oldest sister refused to stay with us, (my great aunt got full custody of us)... she went back to the environment where my mother lived. My grandmother raised her. Still... if you are near such environment in anyway... it will bring you down with their own life.

Get out Chris, I am sorry... but I have not seen anything positive in my life in seeing one stay in and try and help.

...

I feel sick, I mean really nauseaded. I am kind of shaking even sharing all this... but I don't mind sharing.

...

Just recently I have gained some contact with a cousin, my oldest niece whom is my oldest sister's daughter. My sister has done major time for cocaine possession and selling it. Mind you... $25,000,000 worth uncut. Yeah. Just recently and I mean this past Oct. she was involved with a "boyfriend" whom was hired as a hit-man to kill off a doctor in Tucson.

There is no helping these people no matter who they are...

So, I have chosen to walk away and live my life free of their influence. I can't live my life watching someone dead while living. I can't see all the children become fucked up the same.

Yes, Julie/Freespirit... has been through some time of her own and yes... I have seen much.

I choose to live different and I live a clean life. I give what I can to so many on so many levels... but if they are affiliated with the drug world, I am very quick to let go instantly.

Right or Wrong... I just don't want to be a part of that world, I have seen too much direct/personal bad within it all.

Few I have ever seen to change their life once deep.

FUCK!!!!

cborgman said:

I do have to say in response to all of the above...The 12 -step program is a good one. I used to live a former addict of EVERYTHING. He kicked the whole rocker lifestyle and leads a simple life in my old house.

dancinggyrl said:

been trying to quit for a month and a half. on the methadone for about as long. been doing a lot less h, basically down to once a week or less, and only when the pain gets unbearable. he hates doing that, he wants to be off both the heroin and the methadone completely, but he hurts bad when the withdrawls get awful

cborgman said:

Supporting them emotionally is not buying into their bs, it's harsh Chris but this drug is evil. Let him know you will support him if he wants to kick it, but he HAS to kick it. No more fixing on the weekends. Hold his head when he's puking, that'll be support. And go with him to NA meetings and such, the more the better. They really do work. Good luck.

CarrieLee said:

hey carrie, thanks for the blunt response, i really do appreciate it.

i am aware i cna not do it for him, and i won't try to do so, i know better. what i want to do is to support him through it. specifically i am looking for things it is okay to ask about or say and what is probably dangerous territory to ask about or say. more al-anon kinda stuff

IstenSzek said:

thanks. i am working on setting boundaries, and as much as i hate to, i really want to tell him i don't want to see him on nights that he has shot up, but that seems risky too, as i would hate to think he might lie to me and shoot up and say he didn't just to see me.

Freespirit said:

MsMisha319 said:

thanks... gonna look up local NA tonight

Lammastide said:

thanks S

Anxiety said:

yea, it definately seems the way to go

TheResistor said:

god, now i am scared.

i want to help, but i do have my limits. not gonna let this pull me down.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

no, i realize this is not my issue to solve, well aware of that. just trying to figure out what the best avenue of support is, and trying to establish where the boundaries should lie