This is NOT meant to be offensive, but all of my gay friends are coworkers as well so I don't really think it's right to talk about sex with them (plus, a couple of them have hinted that they don't wanna talk about it)....

Anyways, is a guy in a relationship ALWAYS a top or a bottom only? Or, does it switch around? It's an honest question....I don't need your personal experience, but I was just curious if in the gay community it's common to be both or just to be one or the other....

sorry!! read the post below..
[Edited 1/20/05 23:08pm]

Well, it depends. Most of us are "versatile", meaning we can top or bottom. Some guys have a problem being the "passive" one, so they'll perceive themselves as the "top", they may see it as the "feminine" role, or it may just feel unpleasant to them.

Bottoms are just whores.

Seriously...It depends. I mean, whoever decides to be the top, the other guy is obviously going to be the bottom. I mean, we don't vote or thumbwrestle or pull straws or anything. It just feels natural for some to top, and for some to bottom. Personally? I'm versatile. But I prefer to be the bottom. There's nothing like a hawt sweaty guy on top of you fucking your brains out. Did i help? Of course i did.

glamslamkid said:

Thanks for the post...personally, for me, I obviously like to be a "top" because I'm straight...I just wonder the satisfaction of being a bottom. Is it actually physical? Or, is it more emotional, etc? Also, how do the bottoms blow their load? Mosty oral? (sorry, I'm dumb when it comes to this stuff...but I'm definitely interested).

ReturnOfDOOK said:

A lot of times, tops will try to bottom and see it doesn't work out for them. The anus has sensitive nerve endings which can attribute to a lot of the pleasure. I don't want to get into the "are gay guys bodies different from straight guys" type thing, but we're all built that same. So i'm more than confident that straight men would feel the same sensation sticking fingers up their ass that a gay man does. I'm not saying if he enjoys it, that must mean he's gay, because it doesn't. Just like a bj from a woman would feel the same way as if you got a bj from a man. I can't say if it's more physical or emotional, it depends on who you're with. I think that if you bottomed for a person you loved, than the emotions would have more of a role, or equal to the physical. Just like with a woman. Okay...blowing the load. Either you can jerk off, or fuck the other guy if you can, to get yours. You're not dumb. I'm glad to open up about this. Thanks for being so open minded about it.

glamslamkid said:

Cool! I LOOOOOVE eating a girl out! It's one of my favorite things to do n the whole world (even though my ex was really shy about it)....I'll eat any girl on the org out in my area (orgnote me Bay Area Cali girls!)....BUT, I could NEVER get sexually satisfied by just eating a girl out....I need a BJ or something, ya know?

Do "bottoms" ever switch positions and become a "top" to achieve orgasm? Or, do you just get jerked off / blown?

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Yeah. Like i said, a lot of gay guys are versatile. You can get jerked off, blown..whatever to get you off.

Well? DOOK.Tell us.
How did your first finger-in-finger-out experience go?





























Now try with 2








Don't forget to wash your hands after
.
[Edited 1/21/05 3:11am]

It's sorta like asking if you like Coke or Pepsi. If someone likes to Top in bed, it doesn't necessarily mean they're the masculine, domineering one in the relationship. And vice versa, the bottom isn't necessarily the passive, effeminate one in the relationship.

If you walked into a gay bar and asked couples who likes to top and who likes to bottom, you'd probabbly be suprised at the answers.

i think this might be too personal for me to really discuss.

ReturnOfDOOK said:

If you bare with time for just a moment, I'm sure Mr.Despues/(z) & AsianBomb/(boi)
will be logging in shortly to fully explain with credentials and distinction


Thank you for your patience.

ReturnOfDOOK said:

i think it depends on the guys and the relationship. in my relationship, i don't think of either of us as either - we just do what we do when we wanna do it, and if the other person is in the mood to be compliant, then hey, great. i know some guys who really get into the regimented either/or role thing, but i don't see the point in being so limited, unless of course, you REALLY only can enjoy being one or the other.

MN is known as "the land of 10,000 lakes." We also call ourselves "the land of 10,000 bottoms."

The interesting thing about this is that VERY few people would identify themselves as a bottom. As glamslsam mentioned, there are a lot of stereotypes in the gay community about what your sexual role says about your level of masculinity and power in relationships. From my early experiences whoring around town AND supported annectdotally by my roomie today. Guys often insist they are tops, but as soon as their clothes come off, that whole story changes. This is often fronted with a comment of "i don't usually do this, but I wanted to try it" YEAH RIGHT.

What this all says to me is that the whole idea of top/bottom is generally more about power and social identification. When it comes down to what really happens in the bedroom though, MOST people are open to being in either role depending on the situation.

May I suggest this for your reading "pleasure":

endorphin74 said:

That's when sex-talk becomes really interesting. To me, at least...
Does anyone remember this episode in The Sopranos about Uncle Junior giving head and all the other guys laughing about this?

I seem to agree with all the queer comments on this thread. Personally I've been mainly topping. I'm versatile though. I do have a better orgasm if I'm a bottom though. I think it has to do with the whole Prostate thing. Unfortunately I think part of the reason that I don't have a boyfriend is that I can't find anyone that is versatile. I mean they can bottom all they want but there has to be a time when they can top. I know guys that will not top at all.

At least I hope that's the only reason I don't have a boyfriend .

Miguel

It's so interesting to me how negative stereotypes regarding femininity carry over into the bedrooms of gay men.

I've noticed in the BDSM community as well that men can be more hesitant to call themselves bottoms. Fine (hot, even) if a woman is a top, but some guys don't want to be seen as weak or submissive (ie. female ). And this is a group of people who are generally progressive and openminded! Not that there aren't plenty of exceptions (male bottoms), but. . . it's interesting. And sad.

tackam said:

You're right! I can proudly say I have bottomed and will bottom again. I don't find it to be weak. If it's considered to be a feminie trait, so be it. That would imply that I hate women. I don't.

Miguel

What does it manner, when there's....midnight....music... andrommmmmanccce?

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

If anything, bottoms are more of a man than tops. You know how bad that shit hurts the first time? OH MY GOD. That's some shit you got to be a man to deal with. Fuck all that "feminine role" type shit. A real man takes it up the ass.