I just went to the store to get some food and there was this
absolutely revolting child from hell.

Whilst I was getting my stuff, I had already spotted her as
she ramshacked through the store, pulling stuff out of the
isles and screaming her head off.

Mother, fcuz, was a doozer, steady snoozing her way through
the grocery shopping. an autopilot

Just my luck they ended up being right in front of me at the
cash register. Mom was unloading her shoppingcart of it's
389 items, one item a time, a minute a piece.

So this little devil spawn first became and then she
started looking for something to divert her attention since
mom was obviously not listening.

The object of her newfound affection turned out to be me. As
I felt goosebumps rise on my back and the hair stand up on the
back of my neck, this little psycho eyed me with an look
and then proceded to kick me in the ankle with the force of a
grown man.

I shouted "Hey, don't do that" as I grabbed my ankle and then
she kicked my other leg. It was like a bad cartoon man.

Mom pretended not to notice. So I pulled her jacket and said
"hey, listen your kid is kicking me pretty fucking devilishly
in the shins, aren't you gonna say nothing?"

mom just went

"I didn't see anything" was the replied that came from this
wombat of a woman. Then she just turned again and kept slugging
her stuff onto the conveyor belt.

all the time, the kid just stood there being

As soon as she'd turned around, the kid decided it would be fun
to tick me off some more. So she spat out her gum into her hand
and proceded to push it into my jacket along with a hand full
of her devil phlegm.

Inside my head a voice was now steadily and loudly yelling at me
"SERENITY NOW - SERENITY NOW - SERENITY NOW"

I felt myself going

So I tried to reason with her once more and said "please, don't
do that, I haven't done anything to upset you so why do you hit
me like that and now you put gum on my jacket. I think that is
a very nasty thing to do and I don't like it".

her double reply to this:



I tried to control my anger, but alas, it was too late and I got
a big bag of sesame bunns from my cart and gave the little fuckster
a right big thump on the side of the head, which swerved her off
balance and made her land on the floor.

There, I thought, that will teach you. But no, to my surprise
she didn't heave a sigh but simply got up and spat at me!!!



a big fat wallop of spit dripping down my stomach.

She quickly turned around to face her mom, waiting for me to yell,
fcuz and then to act all innocent as if she'd done nothing.

But I said to myself, "alright you little devil's bitch, I can
play that game if you can". And so I very carefully grabbed a
strand of her hair, about 6 or 7 hairs in total and janked them
out of the back of her head.



She belted out so loud at this unexpected strike that the whole
damn store stopped breathing.

Except for her mother who just went

When mom had finally payed for the shopping, the kid turned to
me one final time and said "you are a big homo"



I just got back home and I'm still telling myself "SERENITY NOW"
damn I should have just got a big pot of vegetables or ketchup
or something and thrown it all over the little psycho.

Is that wrong of me? And was it wrong to punch her upside the
head with a bag of breadrolls?

I hope not because somewhere deep inside I'm still wishing I'd
have hit her with a frozen leg of lamb


[Edited 1/20/05 10:34am]

This is the best thing I've read all week!


You did the right thing! What a little psycho! Can you imagine what she'll be like when she's a teen?

applekisses said:

I think she'll be in jail for multiple murder by the time she hits puberty

That lil bitch needs SSB's Tobasco remedy

Can't. . .stop. . .laughing. . .*gasp*

That's fucking awesome. But yeah, you should have hit her with something hard. Geezus.

tackam said:

totally!!

superspaceboy said:

man, she had such an evil twisted look in her eyes,
I swear she probably drinks that stuff with some of
her demon mates, just for kicks

I couldn't even read the entire post.....what a horrible child


And for the mother to completely disregard her childs actions!!??

They'll get what's coming to them



Smooches;)
[Edited 1/20/05 10:52am]

awwwwwesooooome.

as a mother of boys.....you should have smacked her harder nah just kidding but the mom should have done something...I was at a record store last weekend and the store had a used turntable that I was looking at.. I asked the sales person if he could hook it up to see if it worked..while he was hooking it up my boys were looking at cds being good..Then this woman came next to me with her son to listen to a used cd...the guy got the turntable hooked up,gave me some head phones and had me put one of the albums I was getting ready to purchase to see if the turntable worked...I was not paying attention and this kid started messing with the bush that was there to wipe dust off albums..think it was one of my boys I said..."please don't touch that" and realized it wasn't even my kid...The mom gave me a funny look and I said I was sorry and thought it was one of my boys(he was the same height as my third son) She said it was ok and then went back to listening to the cd..So after I put the album back in it's sleave and was looking closer at the turntable this same kid started touching it and tried to touch the needle case I turned to him AND his mother and said lol "please tell your son to stop." Again she gave me a funny look and said nothing to him..My boys came over saw what was going on while I was unhooking the turntable. My 13 year old turned to me at the counter and said very loudly.." I'm glad my brothers don't act like that bratt over there." I paid for my stuff trying not to laugh and went to the car.. I told my 13 year old he shouldn't have said that so loud but he was right...If you are going to take your kids shopping with you pay attention to your kids
[Edited 1/20/05 10:56am]

while that story is hilarious.. first off that mother should be ashamed of herself..

2nd that little brat, needs to be taught a lesson.. stooping to her level isnt' the answer, but when she phsyically touches you, all gloves are off.. no reason for it at all. Especially if the mother isn't paying the least bit of attention...

Not for nothing, but i probably would put a hand full of spit in my hands and whipped it across her face.. then kicked her right back...

I have no patience for kids like that and less patience for mothers like that.. Me and the mother would of had soem serious words.. I woudnt' of let her look away and say i didn't see anything..

Now while i know she is little... I bet you could probably have the survailance tape pulled and wonder if you could charge a complaint against the mother and child? basically that is harrassment.. that would teach that bitch a lesson..

EverSoLesa said:

you're absolutely right. the ones we met happened to be kind of naughty kids
(well mine was flat out evil lol) but I always sympathise with little kids I
see in the mall on saturday, being pushed about in little carts, tired and
hungry and their parents yelling at them everytime they open their mouths.

If you have kids and you take them shopping I think you have a responsibility
to a)make sure they don't mess with other people but also b)are ok and feel
comfortable and are made a part of the shopping instead of being treated as
an inanimate object to push about all day. that's just sad for many kids.

That is hilarious. I'm sure it wasn't funny at all at the time, but the way you tell the story. And, the mother should be ashamed of herself.

IstenSzek said:

Amen or c)leave them at home with a sitter

I can't believe how some children behave! It makes you really wonder what kind of IQ the parent/s have. to have allowed their kids to grow up behaving in such a way.

That little monster will likely always remember the encounter with you. She can reflect back on it to pass the time when she's in women's prison in a few years...

Tom said:

that's her!

well, I figure that's what she'd look like on one
of her good days when she was well tempered

SnowQueen said:

carving my likeness into the wall with a dull razor

IstenSzek said:

You did a public service!

applekisses said:

I'm not sure. hitting the kid doesn't do much help, since she's a brat and will just hit back again. I say hit the mother. She seems to be the one who needs some spanking.

Still. . .laughing. . .

Just the image of you whacking the kid upside the head with a bag of rolls. . . oh. . . oh dear. . .


Heavenly is right. Should have hit Mom next.

Heavenly said:

Good idea

Um yeah.....no, it's never okay to strike a child in anger. Maybe a better course of action would have been to move to another check out. Or better yet, slap that cow of a mother up side the head!

(sorry someone had to say it)

tackam said:

I'll go back to the store same time next week

and if I catch them I'll slap them both with a

few ounces of chicken fillet

IstenSzek said:

FROZEN chicken fillet.

tackam said:

well, I guess it's only a small step from frozen chicken fillet to




heheh. two bricks right in the rot for mom and devildaughter

All I know is, if my kids act like that, they get their butts hawled out of there immediately. How parents can allow that kind of behavior is beyond me.

IS THIS FOR REAL???? Still mazed and laughing my ass off! I'm picturing the spoiled girl from Willy Wonka.