I found out last night that my biological father passed away this weekend.

I remember my father as a little girl, from as far back as I can remember.

He was a musician in an Orchestra, and very attentive to me, up until I was 7 or 8. I knew my grandparents, and uncles on his side. I look every bit like they do..

And, one day my mother found out he was married, and that was the end of that. From that day forward he denied me as his daughter..

I called him one day, for closure and he said "Why are you calling me, you are not my daughter." Harsh words coming from someone who showered you with love.

So I very nicely told him that he missed out on knowing a really good person.. He started to cry..

I never called again...

My heart tells me that I need to close the first seven, eight years of my life.

Do you think I should attend his services?


Thanks so much!

I think you should go. It sounds like you might regret it if you don't. Maybe it'll help you with closure, etc?

oh, Sag

I'm so sorry. Do you feel that it would help you to attend the service? If not, perhaps you can mourn in your own way...have a private service of your own at his burial site.



I hope this helps.

im sorry for your loss sag


But I think you should go, closure is good for everything, BUT it is going to be difficult, so hang in there and i am hear is you need to talk

I agree, I think attending would be best. Nothing will occur at the service that you won't be able to handle, and much good may come from it...however, if you don't go, you may spend far too many moments wondering if some of the thoughts and feelings you're having could have been addressed had you gone instead of staying away...you really don't want to, one day, say "I wish I had"...

But ultimately, it's up to what you feel within your heart and soul...if you feel this is something you need and want to do, then do so. But ask your inner self the real, honest, at the core reason you want to go...and then listen to what your inner self has to say.

I sended you an orgnote

I think you should attend the services, Sag...It could possibly make things feel better. "What if's" could really mess your head up.

Hope everything works out


Smooches;)

my sympathies ....

i would only add - and it has already been said far better than i can say it --- but you should go .... i believe that the best thing about funerals are celebrating the good times ... or the good memories ... and you have shared with us that u do have good memories of him ....

do not think about what "could have been , etc " .... remember what was .... stand tall .. keep your head up ... pay respect ....

there is always a chance ... that something ... good will come out of all of it ... also .... i recently learned that ... from a funeral myself ...

Yes I think you should go. I think you will find closure in it and if you don't go you may regret it. You don't have to talk to anyone there, pay your respects and leave.

I'm so sorry Sag, I hope you're doing ok

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Wise words.

Lots of strength to you.

Aw, Sag

I think that going to the service will give you closure. Send a prayer filled with love for him and let his soul float on.....

From one SAG to another,

I think that you should go. Do it for yourself. Remember, he's in a better place where he realizes what he did. Even though in your last conversation he wasn't loving, you have to know he did. Sometimes people take things out on the wrong person. Now, he's able to love you and take care of you, even if it is from afar.

Miguel

for the sake of closure

yes i think it would not hurt

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Another sag... This is lovely advice.

You should go for at least closure. Ive never had the oppurtunity to meet my biological father, nor will I ever. You never know what you could get from the expirience, Possibly new family members like siblings who would very much want to be a part of your life.

If you don't, you might regret missing that opportunity and wouldn't have a second one.

Thank you all for your great advice, and love.

I know that closure will free my hurting heart...

sag10 said:

In a word...YES. You do feel that this may give you some closure. It may or it may not, however, If you don't go...when are you going to have the chance again to get the closure you need. You may get it in some other way down the road...but this is an opportunity to stand up to it once and for all and it will satisfy an immediate need.

If you do not want to confront the family, I would hang towards the back. He did miss out on knowing a really nice person. Good luck to you.

sag10 said:

A part of it, yes.

You will always carry around the pain, but with closure you can look at it from a distance and it won't rule your life.
You will be able to love the world better. Believe me.

I would go and say goodbye. It will help the healing process. Stay strong Sag

You take care of yourself.

HamsterHuey said:

Thank you for the words of wisdom!

I would have to agree with everyone here. One thing is certain, though. He really did miss out on knowing a really good person.

I am sorry for your loss, Sag.

I definately think you should go. I lost my father twenty years ago when I fifteen. My mom asked if I wanted to attend the services and I said no. He never cared about me, so I wasn't gonna go, right?

Well, I had only seen my father twice in my life, once when I was six and again when I was eleven. I can't remember what he looked like. People in my family would tell me that I look like him but now I have no idea. I wish I would have gone. Maybe I could have met people on his side of the family that did care about me. Now, I'll never know.