I think you should tell him. This has happened to me twice. Once it began the longest relationship I've ever been in, the other, well, it wasn't meant to be, though we are still quite good friends, though it took a while to come back to that. Either way, you're no longer pining away and able to move on to what comes next.

DarkKnight1 said:

Actually, there is one other exception: the very case illustrated in this example. Men and women can be friends -- and straight -- without any attraction to each other if they have been friends since childhood; people in this situation often tend to think of each other as siblings rather than potential mates.

This situation is tricky. Handle with care. Good luck!

CinisterCee said:

What's WITH all of this men-and-women-can't-just-be-friends crap? My best friend is a guy. A very, very straight guy.

And let me point out, I'm in open relationships, so if what he really wanted was to get in my pants, he could have tried it by now. I'm fine with the fuckbuddy concept, and he knows that. But that's just not what it's about with him. We want very different things in partners (ie. he wants monogamy and babies, two things that ain't gonna happen with me), and IMHO, we're too close to have sex and have it be super casual. . .and if we couldn't keep it casual, I'm terribly afraid of him developing feelings for me that can't really go anywhere due to our different desires in life, and of that ruining our friendship. . .so, we just don't.

I would have said that it could just be that he has never tried to take things further because he finds me to be terribly ugly, except that I found out earlier in this thread that guys don't want ugly female friends either, so. . . Actually, in truth, I know what his ideas of cute girls are, and I'm very much not it, so that probably helps.

AsianBoi777 said:

Why, why, WHY do you need your female friends to be good looking?

See, I think THIS is where things depart with my guy. Honestly. I think I'm his ugly female friend, and that's probably a relief for him.

John Mayer did an interview a while back where he was talking about his female friends, and he was saying that ideally you'd want to date a friend, except that you have your smart friends, your fat/ugly but nice friends, and your cute friends, but you'd ideally want to date somebody who is smart, nice, AND cute and they are just never the same people, so it doesn't work out.

Thanks for all the help guys you don't know how much I appreciate it

Ive always been a big believer that men and women can definately be friends and just friends - Shit what do I know, right?

I do know that his definately not gay and I am not the ugly friend!!!! Ive known this guy for 25 years - theres not much that we havent told each other.

I think this is another reason why Iam kinda freaking out its the first time Ive keep a secret from him and even started to avoid him at times.

His single at the moment and so am I - this hasn't happened since we were in high school. So there is definatley no third party (and I would never interfer if he was seeing someone - that just aint me).

I think Todd305 hit the nail on the head by saying our friendship was based on a sibling kinda-love. I definately have to handle this with care, and be happy with which ever decision I make - as long as I dont look back and say " I should of".... or " what if".


Thanks for the feedback means a great deal to me

btrfly said:

See. . .my thing is. . .I don't think "in love" and "deep love" are different. For me, anyway. And when you know somebody well and care about them. ..well. . .not much difference. It's more about how you act on it. Or don't.