Just got home from going out with my best friend. I have known him since we were 5 years old but just recently I have developed deep feelings for him but havent the balls to tell him in fear it may ruin our friendship. HELP what do I do????? Should I say something or just keep my mouth shut?????

btrfly said:

Tell him.. also tell him that you don't want to ruin your friendship, If he really is your best friend, you both can work it out!
It Happened to me too.. we had a short romantic relationship but it didn't last. We are still very good friends!!


Good luck to you!!

Me too.


































But your best friend will never be mine.

Thank you. I think Iam going to need all the luck I can get. Hopefully he feels the same if not lets hope the friendship is strong enough to get through any akwardness/rejection.

Having lunch with him 2mrw Ill let you know how I go (might need a shoulder to cry on).


Hey Fauxie if this backfires who knows he might be on the lookout for a new best friend! By the way have you told your friend that you them?

btrfly said:

Why do I bother?

~smiles~ i am madly in love with my best friend ... of the past 20 yrs


my husband

Mach said:

we don't hear that kind of thing nearly often enough!

Fauxie said:

irresistibleb1tch said:

should i say it again ?

seriously though ... its so true

i dont see how marriage could work otherwise

( not for me anyway ...i wanna spend my life happy with a great friend !! )

i am amazed daily at my husband ... and learn so much from him and with him ...

i adore him and feel honored every day that he chooses to spend his life with me ...

Mach said:

no, let me do the honors!

after 12 years together, i'm still amazed that i can love my husband more all the time.

irresistibleb1tch said:

If he's been your best friend since you where five and he's never made a move on you (ESPECIALLY during his teenage years), have you considered that he might be gay?



ARE YOU SURE he's responsive to you?

Friendships are much more important than relationships.

Maybe I"m just saying that becuase my best friends are never my girlfriends.

Mach said:

It might actually be a good thing. You can skip all the first date uncomfortable feeling and crap.

I agree with you Asianboi777 friendship is definately more important thats why i think iam struggling with this. Ive always been in some form of a relationship so i guess his never really had the chance to make a move and visa versa.

Mach said:

Thats beautiful Mach, your a very lucky person.

Mach said:

I agree with your viewpoint. My wife is my best friend.

btrfly, I hope you get out of this OK. I had a really close friend that fell head over heels in love with me. We were living together and all of a sudden he just came out of nowhere with this sudden attraction to me. I noticed the signs when he used to get angry when I'd hang around other people (especially males), he acted like we were in a relationship when it was simply a friendship. He never wanted to hear me say the word "never" and he got a negative image of himself when I said that I wasn't into him. He thought something was wrong with him. There wasn't, I just wasn't feeling him "in that way."

I no longer live with him and I want to keep it that way. Too much negative energy. We're still friends, but it's still shaky. I don't talk about my love life to him. I was on the receiving end and believe me, it's going to be hard for you to manage if this guy isn't into you. Hopefully, you two can remain friends.

AsianBoi777 said:

You should try it sometime

JANFAN4L said:

You still have my George Foreman grill

VoicesCarry said:

Yeah , I know--it couldn't hurt if I looked at it that way.
Certainly could yield better fruits than any given Janet Jackson album, I say.

AsianBoi777 said:

Agreed, he is either gay or harbors some kind of feelings for U. Unless one of U is butt ugly and a straight man and straight woman truly can be friends. Strike that last sentence because its not really possible.

DarkKnight1 said:

Sad, but true.
A straight man would never want a butt ugly straight female friend.
It's a wierd thing we do--we do want female friends, but the problem is that they have to look good--and that gets us in trouble, becuase it's a razor thin line between "my cute female friend", and I want in that girls pants!

Plus women tend to talk a "whole lotta nothin'" all the time, like 24-7.
I mean, I do here on the org, but in real life, it's a different story.
We communicate competely different---it's f@cking annoying as hell, and the only thing that makes it more tolerable is the sex.

AsianBoi777 said:

Unfortunately, any straight man who is friends with a woman wants to get into her pants or use her to get into her friends pants. The only exceptions are if you work together and it passes the time to be friends.

DarkKnight1 said:

And straight guys who pretend that they're above this, are full of sh@t, or extremely rare.
Women serve a very limited purpose to us--they always have.
The trick of it is to try and rise above that "instinct" and be more than the evolved apes that we are.

I'm not saying this as my endorsement of the way we treat them--just tht it is the way that the vast majority of us treat them.

Anyways, if he hasn't made a move on her he's either #1) gay or #2) not attracted to her.

.
[Edited 1/16/05 8:34am]

AsianBoi777 said:

I forgot, some men will act like friends to appear as friendly if only to clear their conscience or because there is nothing better to do. Sometimes it feels good to act like a concerned friend.

DarkKnight1 said:

I've had straight male friends tell me exactly this same thing.

I had a male best friend for many, many years and, over time, I developed more than "just friends" feelings for him.

He'd never indicated to me we were anything more than very close best friends and I was always too afraid to broach the subject about how I was beginning to feel for him.

I did finally tell him later how I was feeling about him, however....after he'd come out to me, and told me he'd finally accepted the reality of his homosexuality, which he'd been struggling with for a long time.

Good luck with your situation, brtfly. I know how difficult this situation is to figure out what's the right/"best" thing to do. But I think that if you and your best friend are truly what friends are meant to be to one another, even if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings you both should be able to work through this and remain friends. It might be difficult for you for awhile to accept there will never be a "more than friends" relationship, and maybe the friendship will be a tad awkward for a bit, but that will pass.

And if he does feel the same - well, what a wonderful basis for a romantic relationship.

But keep in mind that romances don't always last and you both need to discuss how you are with your exes...do you both generally remain friends with exes, or are either (or both) of you two the type to have bitter breakups wherein you and your ex(es) don't remain in touch? That question might be food for thought when contemplating and deciding whether bringing your friendship to the next level is wise, or if your friendship relationship is precious to you and you wouldn't ever want to do anything to damage or lose it, AND if it's strong enough to withstand a potential breakup & all the emotionality a romantic involvement can bring.

But I'm rambling now! I'll just say good luck again and I hope things work out for the best for you both, and I'll finally shup up now!
[Edited 1/16/05 10:07am]

good luck.


be careful.


if it works out then its fantastic, nothing better then having your best friend and lover all rolled into one package. but if it doesn't then a friendship may be lost. make sure you will be able to still be friends if a 'relationship' doesn't happen. it takes a lot of strength and maturity to overcome rejection from a friend. on both sides.

been there...it didn't work out. we are still friends but its hard. i still sometimes think about "what could have been..." but when its one sided...it hurts.

i wish you all the best...

These things are natural btefly and do happen as it's happened to me too! Yet, I'd think long and hard before you make your feelings known to your friend. Be absolutely certain that you want to take the relationship to another level, make sure it isn't a passing crush. Having a quick fling is quite likely to damage the friendship - you could be better off having a fling with someone else you like just as much, and not losing your friend.

If you're sure that it's definitely a real deep love for them, is your friend single? If they're in a happy relationship already then it is probably unfair to try to split them up. If your heart is set on them, I guess you'll just have to wait for it to come to a natural end, and be there after they've picked up the pieces. Just don't start slagging their partner off or interfering in any other way, no matter how tempting it may be. Of course they might not split up, in which case you have to be realistic, and move on to another love interest.

I suppose you could always start flirting with them, and look for signs that they may be flirting with you too, remembering that there's no such thing as a 100% definite sign, unless they start wanting to kiss you! I think it's a mistake to get or to get them really drunk or moaning on about how you've always loved them and how you should get married and have babies together. This is quite likely to make them run away a bit freaked out, even if they fancied you a bit in the first place!

Be brave, find a quiet moment, and ask them if they want to go out with you sometime. Yes, as more-than-friends. Let them know there's no pressure, and if they say 'no' then you still want to be mates. Be prepared for a knock back, but hope for the best.

Either way, I think its better to go for it then keep it and be miserable. It will only eat away at you. It happened to me and I got knocked back. Yet I think, you gotta dust yourself off and be upbeat no matter how disappointed you feel. You may have built things up in your own head, but she just didn't see things in that way. Make an effort to keep in touch, but don't get too hung up about the great love that never was. Chalk it down to experience. Keep them as a friend, but make sure your life doesn't revolve around them, have fun with other people and try to find someone else that you fancy.

You never know they may say yes! So, good luck!