Has anyone else read this or heard about it? I read the book twice so I'd remember everything and it's amazing...every girl should read it, probably more than once.

sweetserene said:

Do you have the name of the writer?
Maybe I can get it in Dutch at the library

Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo

http://www.amazon.com/exe...s&n=507846

description:
Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
It’s a classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he’s giving mixed messages. You make excuses, decide he’s confused, afraid of commitment. Behrendt, a former executive story editor for Sex and the City—and a formerly single (now happily married) guy who knows all the excuses—provides a simple answer: he’s just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself, let go and look for someone else who will be. After all, as Behrendt sensibly puts it, "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." If you’re not convinced yet, by all means read this smart, funny and surprisingly upbeat little book, full of q’s and a’s covering every excuse woman has ever made to avoid admitting to herself that a man just wasn’t that smitten with her.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Description:

He says:

Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

She says:

There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.

He's afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he's intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

He's Just Not That Into You -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."

He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

Ok, I went to Amazon and checked out a bit of the book. First of all, it's written by someone associated with Sex And The City, so any meaningful commentary on relationships is already in jeopardy with that one. Then I checked out the chapter headings:

He's Just Not That Into You If....

-he's not asking you out (*bullshit*)
-he's not calling you (*bullshit*
-he's not dating you (*bullshit*)
-he's not having sex with you
-he's having sex with someone else
-he only wants to see you when he's drunk
-he doesn't want to marry you (*bullshit*)
-he's breaking up with you
-he's disappeared on you
-he's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable)
-he's a selfish jerk, a really big bully, or a really big freak (*No, it means YOU are not - or should not be - into HIM*)

So, as far as I can see, some of these are total bullshit, while the rest are completely . I assume that if you've read the chapter headings, the text within doesn't really offer much more enlightenment? Just regurgitated stories and analogies for 250 pages - that's the pattern these things tend to follow.

sweetserene said:

Thanx!

You need to read the book before you judge it. It explains and goes into details like "There are exceptions to these rules of thumb but you need to believe you're not the one in ten." It is amazing if you give it a chance or you could just be superficial and dismiss something you don't know jackshit about and I could just be PMSing and bite your head off

sweetserene said:

I've read enough of these books to know the type. This review pretty much sums it up:

This book gets a 5 for entertainment value, a 1 or 2 stars for life value. First, if you need to read chapters about what to do with married or cheating guys, you need a self esteem or self improvement book, not a dating book. You shouldn't even be dating, really. I pretty much skimmed those chapters. If relationships could be boiled down into so simple a litmus test as he or she's "just not that into you", then there'd be zero relationship books out there. We don't see books on the simple task of gum chewing, do we? At any rate, it was a fun read, but over my education and life experience, the more I know men AND women, the more I despise any relationship book focused solely on gender - because I am finding the core of people tend to be the same. It's the societal, cultural and gender differences that show up on the surface and often those signals get misinterpreted. Also, though there are simpletons out there, most people are fairly complex. I can't even know myself some of the things that have influenced my behaviors and why I do what I do. How can I really expect a guy to just interpret everything I do/say and decide if I'm into him or not? Family and upbringing plays a HUGE - HUGE - HUGE factor in how people act in relationships and unfortunately, most people do not see it or address it... so our adult relationships are effected by it. Greg & whats her face wrote an amusing book, and certainly has created a very easy read for a cold night in, but please don't take this book literally. Think about it - male or female - have you ever wanted something/someone and was afraid to act? We function on a very hard wired flight or fight basis - add emotions... don't tell me every single guy that liked a gal never had fear win. Ever? Gimme a break. Every single day, minute to minute, second to second we change - men and women. A book like this, with the uh, 10 ? men Greg "researched" can't possibly cover the territory. Communication is the key, boys and gals. Make your actions match your words and that's about the easiest generality I'm gonna buy. And that gem was free! If you still must buy a dating book, try The Girlfriend Test by Wendy Walsh, Date or Soulmate by Neil Patrick Warren or check out John Gottman. Find out the traits of what makes relationships successful, not the gender biased crap thats out there and you have no idea which man to use it on... cos each person is different. So that means... the long way to success - just like anything else that's worth having, it takes work. And sometimes that means facing fears or fighting. Sorry, no magic bullets in relationships.

VoicesCarry said:

it could easily be ,..... "she's just not that into you" aswell !!!

I understand your thinking VoicesCarry and to some degree I agree...I think not every single point made is applicable 100 percent of the time (a fact which the books addresses) but the point is that if a guy likes you AS MUCH AS HE SHOULD he will get over certain things...ie
he would have too much respect for your feelings and you would be present enough in his mind that he would not cheat on you. We are talking about extraordinary love but the book reinstates over and over that that is what we deserve and if we all respected ourselves more, men would have to rise to our standards.
BTW Thousands of men were polled for this book in addition to the fact that Greg has been a guy in relationships and has most likely been friends with other guys all his life and knows what they talk about and how they think. It's more the meat of the book that I think girls need to read. It's a way of thinking about relationships. I still definitely think every girl should read it and then take what makes sense and leave what doesn't, just like in anything else.
If you respond and I don't reply immediately I'm not ignoring you, I'm having computer problems.

i am currently reading it ...

some good advice but you can't take everything too seriously...read it for its entertainment value...don't read it if you've just come out of a bad relationship, cuz then you might be vulnerable enuff to take this book waaay to seriously...overall, some things that make you hmm, but good for a laff too....my
[Edited 1/11/05 22:42pm]
[Edited 1/11/05 22:43pm]