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And yes, these are real...

Some samples, ladies and gentlemen....




My friend says I have an amazing heart, although I tend to disagree. I'm as narcissistic and verbose as I am obsessive and introspective. I fear intimacy and often create drama. I've made annoying others into an art. Because I avoid things that don't interest me, my living spaces tend to resemble colorful garbage dumps without the horrid smell. And despite having a large stomach and excess facial and body hair from polycystic-ovary syndrome, I am extremely picky.

WHY YOU SHOULD DATE ME:
I sing show tunes all night.

(Me: Show tunes all night...that’s it, I’m sold)

Age: 21
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 151
Occupation: Theater student
Location: Chicago
Seeking: A guy who understands that I am the biggest hypocrite on earth.

---

I have herpes, but I don't give it away. I've got fabulous boobs, and I'm only slightly overweight. My skin, however, is embarrassingly loose from years of yo-yo dieting. I have a golden retriever and five rabbits. The dog sleeps on my bed, and the rabbits live in the kitchen. My health is good except for the chronic depression, the two heart attacks I had last year, the sciatica, and the degenerative joint disease. I am a recovering drug addict, a recovering bulimic, a recovering shopaholic, and a recovering sex addict.

REDEEMING QUALITIES:
I have integrity and a great sense of humor, not to mention money and brains, but I won't date you unless you do, too.

Age: 46
Height: 5'
Weight: 140
Occupation: Retired paralegal/Web designer/personal trainer
Location: Walnut Creek, California
Sexual History: Before I got married, I kept the names of men I slept with in a binder.

(10 bucks says Althom's name is in that binder...)

---

I'm an overweight, middle-aged underachiever. The skull tattoos on my arms complement my wardrobe, which I call rural proletarian. I sleep on the floor in a sparsely furnished apartment. I urinate frequently and pick my nose. I'm embarrassed that I own a Bible. After a tragic foray into Santeria, I've incurred crushing debt.

(He’s embarrassed that he owns a Bible, but not that he picks his nose...o-kaaay)

SEXUAL HABITS:
Can be summed up simply: brief digital, extended oral, premature genital. I have herpes

Age: 57
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 255
Occupation: Graphic artist
Location: New Jersey
Number of sexual partners:15 to 20 (not at once, however)
Last time had sex: June 2003

---

When I feel bad, it helps me to call you at work. Frequently. Rushing me off the phone will just make me cry and pester you with e-mails. I have a little dog that I tend to bring everywhere, because if I leave him at home, he yips. If you plan on sleeping with me, you will not complain when I bring him on dates in a little black bag. I'm a little curious about spanking, but we can never try it at my house, because my ex-boyfriend lives on the other side of the wall and will hear us.

(Too bad she doesn’t sing show tunes, or she’d be a 10)

SEXUAL QUIRK:
I will blow you, but not consistently.

Age: 31
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 110
Location: Southern California
Prescription-drug addiction: Prozac

---

I am a thirty-year-old virgin on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis. I also have a problem with excessive farting. (Niiice... ) I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor.

Age: 30
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0
Last date: Never
Location: San Francisco
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

---

I love these. Honesty is always the best policy

even if it means being scrutinised by a bunch of

complete strangers on the org just for a few

hour's worth of entertainment

IstenSzek said:

how can you tell the difference?

I’m logical...too logical. I could over-analyze the back of a cereal box. My allergies are legion. If you like sneezing, I’m your man. I’m picky about women, friends, jobs, socks, and snow peas. Well, not the snow peas. If you end up with me, you’ll have to be into threesomes: you, me and an ice cold can of Coke. I’ll irritate the hell out of you with my photos, and will aim the lens in your direction at the most inappropriate times. Mouth full of mashed potatoes? I’m capturing it for posterity...Taking a shower? I’ll frame it and possibly even glue it into our Christmas cards. If you let me borrow your car, I’ll most likely wreck it so stock up on insurance...but I will fill it up with gas before doing so. I ask too many questions about you, and never give enough answers about me. I have an ex-wife, but she and I don’t cause each other any grief whatsoever. I also have a daughter, but her soul is too beautiful to allow her to find fault with anyone...even me. I don’t have cable, I do have insomnia, I tend to let newspapers gather into large fire hazards next to the trash can, and I obsess over the movie “Donnie Darko”. A lot.

WHY YOU SHOULD DATE ME:
You shouldn’t...

Age: Um, I conveniently forget...
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Graphic Designer
Location: California
Seeking: Truthfully?...A Coke. Off to the fridge I go...

Byron, you HAVE TO BE KIDDING w/ these. They can't be real. I know people are this crazy, but are they also this stupid to post these & expect real responses??? Seriously?? FUCK, I'm gonna cry over these bastards

hey Byron ... missed that beautiful face man

good to see ya


funny thread !!


peace and love

M

LOL, great stuff!!!

Just imagine what they're not telling you!

sinisterpentatonic said:

that is kinda scary

Byron said:

That's the best personal ad ever!

I am a satanic warlock looking for my left-handed witch. I meditate when I’m not flatulating, and have often ascended to spiritual planes so profoundly cosmic in nature that I have dined with Liberace, Emperor Asoka, and Ronnie Reagan. But I do not suffer the dead to entertain me as I receive tremendous pleasure in stalking unwary ORGERs from time to time, often lurking in their grotesquely inferior threads. I often cover up my body oder, the result of accumulated fecal matter deposited by the mites that eat my dead skin, with the a mixture of turpentine and Myrrh. I refuse to kill the mites because they attract satanic powers which allows me to accumulate strength for the gathering battle. I can’t fix anything, and pretty much have to call an electrician to replace dead light bulbs—but I always wear a utility belt.

Why U should date me:
I own left-handed instruments

Age: Um, I conveniently forget...
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Graphic Designer
Location: California
Seeking: Truthfully?...A Coke. Off to the fridge I go
.
[Edited 1/6/05 6:00am]

AsianBoi777 said:

take that back! THAT's the best personal ever!

AsianBoi777 said:

Did Boy George have a garage sale??...

I'm gonna submit a real one.

This is the BEST thing ever!! hahahahahaha!!!!

This is hilarious, kind of reminds me of www.grouphug.us

Byron said:

Byron that is the most beautiful picture I saw from you, from all! Is that girls yours? What a question! It's obvieus. Lovely! Awwww!

sataninas said:

She's not mine, no... That's my cousin Victor's daughter, Vicki...first time for me meeting her. She's an absolute ham...lol...she NEEDS to be a performer, she's such a natural. And she is beautiful...

Whats so good about Donnie Darko? It's okay.

Byron said:

Hilarious!! Great picture too

ThreadCula said:

Thanks...

Byron said:

She does have great boobs though.

althom said:

She's out of your league mate.

bkw said:

These are creepy
and did I just read the big boob woman
has Herpes!? eeww!

bkw said:

Your name was in there, too...

Byron said:

Now, that's just embarrassing