So, my ex-girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up about a year and a half ago. She's still in Colorado, I'm in Cali. Anyways, I have tried my hardest not to find out about her love life because I knew it would just get me upset...

Anyways, I decided to get in touch with her and take her out to lunch while I was home for the holidays. I think I just needed it for closure. So, we went out to lunch and it definitely helped me to see that I probably couldn't be happy with her. We didn't talk about relationships so I had no idea if she was dating anyone etc, which was good.

Later that night, a friend accidently slipped the news to me that she is currently living with her new boyfriend. I don't know anything about their relationship, etc, but it got me pretty upset....

What should I do?

Drop her like a hot potato and move on. You wanted closure,that meeting should have been it. She has obviously gotten on with her life and so should you.

Sheesh, now I feel like the "Ann Landers" of the org

get over it learn to live or replace the loss , theres alot o fish in the sea it's been a year man let gooo Good Luck yooo

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Shit dude that sucks. Try this on for size.
My ex got married recently. She's not the current girl that just dumped me, but she is what I considered my soulmate...now married.

As much as I"m supposed to actually be happy for her, and on some level I think I am, I'm mostly angry about the whole thing.

I don't even like to think about it. It made me look at my life and really challenge myself as to where I am and where I need to be.

P i was afraid of this I'm sooory honey

Sometimes looking back can really distract you from walking forwards.....and walking forwards can be the best thing a person can do....

Take care


[Edited 12/25/04 15:41pm]

AsianBomb777 said:

This is exactly how I'm feeling...it fucking sucks. I was the one that broke up with her, I'm the one who never returned her calls begging me to take her back, etc....now I just feel like shit. I seriously just start feeling sick to my stomach thinking about it.

My college friends had a little pot luck the other night since everyone was coming back in town - I didn't end up going because I know I couldn't handle seeing Kim with the new guy.....I feel like such a fucking whiney pansy.
[Edited 12/25/04 16:23pm]

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Yup. And unless I totally get over this thing, the worst is yet to come. I'm waiting for the "We're expecting" announcements and shit like that.

I turns my stomach into acidic bile.

So, I know exactly what you're talking about, and I doubt it'll get any better for you in the near future. All I can say is I understand, and know what you're feeling.

The 'probably' in your post suggests to me that you should stalk the bf, kidnap him and put him in a woodchipper, and hopefully end up on Cold Case files in 10 years time for my viewing pleasure.

Um, I'm really not the best to give advice. Just move on man. It's better for your sanity. And it's ok to be a little happy for her. Everyone deserves to be happy I guess. Don't fight the new guy.....LOL, again, do as I say, not as I do.....

Move forward mayne

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Its obvious return! FORGET HER! U already met and realized u couldnt b happy with her. The light bulb should have turned on BRIGHT. U R lucky. So...how can u be upset over her having someone else??? See, 20+ yrs ago I married a man I knew in my head that it wouldnt work. I think he did as well. We followed our whatever it was??? and got married. Total opposites, getting seperated from each other was a 20+ yr. HELL, among the few wonderful times... My daughter almost made the same mistake recently...NOW U. Thank God that tons of other people in this position can see the light b4 it burns out. I should have & wish I could have ALL those wasted yrs back...but I moved on and finally realize what a nornal life is like. Better late than never, but theres a lesson 2 B learned here. Dont force a relationship that U feel will not work. Its not that easy 2 get out. Marriage is complicated. Pick up ur pride, and run, & consider urself lucky....trust me. BTW, I've been divorced 1 1/2 yrs now, and the older woman he's with is worth about a million in $$$$. He had his sights set on her for the $$$ a long time evidently. Hes using her. But the buck was always his # 1 love, so he made life very tough 4 me so I'D file 1st. Am I upset? Only bcuz I didnt do it sooner. I didnt listen 2 my intuition long ago. We only live once. Not only B smart, CHECK HER OUT GOOD B4 U commit ur life away 2 a person U KNOW U didnt belong with from the get go, but think U can change or whatever else we lie 2 ourselves about. MOVE ON. GOOD LUCK. P.S. I did get a good settlement however, & I found God as well as LIFE itself. NEVER give up ur LIFE, 4 ANYONE. Thats why no matter how long we know someone, things can change in a New York minute.

Follow that gut feeling about why things wouldn't work out between you. I'm sorry, hon.

Sounds like you don't have much choice but to move on Learn the lesson from this one & apply it to the next one, that's all you can do...

Get a prettier girl. That'd do.

Or better yet, get someone that actually makes you happy.

... other than that you can try listening to a lot of depressive music and revel in unnecessary pain even some more - like I have done for years with great success. Try this on for size: www.coldmeat.se

i know you all our trying to help and thats cool but it really angers me when people say move on...i was in a similiar situation as dook and believe me after spending many years loving somebody with all your heart its impossible to just "move on" sure it would be great to be able to do that but a lot of us just can't .in time you will be able to move on but you need to take as much time as you need..because if you do "move on" before you are ready you are only going to end up hurting somebody who doesnt derserve to be hurt

ReturnOfDOOK said:

you should be happy for her that she moved on and found someone to share her time with ... you yourself said you would not be happy with her... so send her off with love and perhaps move on as she has

Sorry Mr. Dook!

Take your lessons and move forward.

The best to you!

"Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her off your mind."

This is the greatest relationship advice of all time courtesy of the movie "Say Anything".

Mazerati said:

From my own personal experience, I totally, completely agree with this.

Mazerati said:

Yup.
I haven't completely moved on yet.
From experience I notice that the pain and the suffering that you experience sometimes MUSt happen. THere's a point where you get sick of being sick over it, and your longing turns into disqust or indifference becuase you're just tired of feeling that way---but it certainly can't be forced, and certainly doesn't happen overnight.

Much pain do I have left to feel. And I suspect Dook too.
Dook, all I have to say is that I"m confident that you reach a point where you're tired of feeling that way and move on, but don't force it. Experience what you have to.

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Dook...Orgnote me. Seriously.

Here's a photo from our Boulder email group that we have on yahoo of Kim and (I'm assuming) her new man....



(I know, I'm pathetic)

Mazerati said:

Of course but what are people supposed to say? "Wallow in it!" Nobody said it's easy or should happen immediately but at some point (unless she comes running back to him) he's gonna have to

ReturnOfDOOK said:

most of my exes have treated me badly so i know what that kind of hurt feels like. just take one step at a time baby 'cause thats the only thing that will get rid of the pain. and avoid as much contact as you can. of course you don't see it now but soon you'll find someone worthy like i did.

Case said:

You're not a hit-man are you?

ReturnOfDOOK said:

you are not pathetic ( unless thats what you want to be ? )

she is beautiful
he is handsome
they look happy

are you happy for her ?

doctormcmeekle said:

No, just been in that situation.