Teacher said:

awww Jen :l: ...YOU'RE an amazing person to show such strength

Teacher said:

we ROCK !!

Teacher said:

Yes, you are an amazing woman

Teacher said:

You will get there!


It just takes some time..

And although I'm a newby here, I can see you've got a big family here on the org, don't you?

Jen

Your father's got an addiction, and addicts don't see the world in the same way non-addicts do. Everything is out of proportion; drink is the main focus of the day, not people, and things are said which are sometimes hurtful, confusing and mean.

Beneath all this, I'm sure, is a man who loves you very deeply. But right now, in this lifetime, his addiction is taking priority.

When he says mean things to you, the real him is not aware of it. It wouldn't surprise me if the next morning he forgets what he's said and wonders why you are hurt by his behaviour. Most alcoholics live in a world of denial.

I'm sorry that your Christmas Eve will now be stressful because of your father's addiction. I know that you are not able to do or say anything which will change the way he is. The only thing you are really in control of is you, and what a lovely "you" it is, despite all the difficulties and trials you've been through.

Don't be lonely; thank God for what you have and who you are Jen ... and if you need to, try to forgive your father for who he has become. I have a feeling that, like you, he wishes he was someone different, a better father, partner or son and that there may be something in his life that is causing him great pain inside. I hope he finds peace with himself one day.

xxx

Well, this I didn't realize.

First of all, I'll say that I'm sorry if I may have hurt you here on this site. You have been going through much more than I was aware of.

Secondly, you must understand that your father has a disease. It is the disease that makes him say these things. I doubt he truly means it. He's just defensive about his drinking problem.

I have been in an intimate relationship with someone like this. I know exactly what you're saying when you talk about his belligerence. It's irritating, to say the least. Ignore the comments as best you can, and consider that he is hating himself much more than anyone.

First let me start by wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a glorious new year!

Second, i know first hand how alcoholics work.. And you are right.. he is fooling the people around you.. but they also may be aware but realize they cant' DO anything about it.

While you are an adult, you need to make choices in your life.. Yes he is your father and you love him, BUT you can not live your life walking on egg shells and allowing his life and his mistakes to effect you. If this bothers you that much, then maybe best if you dont spend any time or (limited time) in his company. There is only so much you can do per say, to help an alcholoic (or drug addict, etc)... If this effects you so much and he is not willing to help himself nonetheless, see what his drinking does to you, you need to create some space between you and him. Maybe if he sees you are not spending any time with him, he may wonder why and you may be able to talk to him openly.. then if he chooses to get help, then he can PROVE how much he loves you....
PS i dont think he was lying that he loves you! I am sure he does.. he has a disease.... Please keep that in mind. Also keep in mind, if you choose this method, it could take a while before something turns around.

Please keep positive and try to enjoy your holiday!!! My thoughts are with you!!!

Teacher said:

GOOD! I'm proud of you! And if things get tough, we're here for you!

Jen....try and keep positive...all will go good for you. Know I am thinkin of you and say'n a lil for all..but, especially for you to be strong.

Happy Holiday's Auntie...

Hey,

chin up. As hard as it may seem try to keep positive. This is entirely HIS problem. Don't take what he says personally it's not him talking, it's the booze. Hang in there!!!!



Miguel

Teacher said:

I think U should B proud of yourself 4 drawing a line.
There's no need 2 put up with the bullshit.
I think it was a very good statement of U!

/peace Manki

I'll be lonely on Xmas eve, too. You'll be in my thoughts.

You do know I love you Jen. So fuck what your pops did. xmas kisses for my sweet atheist..lol

Mobile's on any time xx

Again people, nothing but love for you all. I am deeply touched you all care for me this way.

Update: I have decided to go to sister's after all, I won't let the bastard ruin my niece's first xmas. I went over to theirs for a bit today, and I felt such love for Tyra when she was asleep in my arms (DD's make for very good pillows ) that I couldn't imagine not being there for her. I love her more than anything in the world and I WILL be there for her every step of the way. I do not need my father to do that.


Again, thank you all. I love you people, I think I might be mellow for a little while because of this... or at least my shitlist grew a bit shorter ( Eh Gemini13? )

to all.

Teacher said:

I'm glad you're going. Because not going would be punishing yourself. You need to enjoy your holiday and ignore him if he bothers you. But don't keep yourself locked and unhappy to punish someone else.
Also, I'd like to agree with you that those DD truly do make great pillows
I love you and hope you will have a good time.
And don't think I haven't noticed your change about babies. I'm even willing to bet you will soon want one too.

Have great x-mas with your niece Teacher!
/peace Manki

Take care of yourself...you must find inner peace before you can
truly express outer joy.

I think my sig is appropriate at this time...

I'm so sorry that your father can't see beyond his disease. I know that he loves you he is just mad because you hold him accountable and he desires to make like it isn't there.

Enjoy the heck out of your love for your beautiful Tyra. Just breathe in her sweet skin and make the room disappear.

Heavenly said:

I will NOT want a baby She farted in my arms last night, and the smell made me feel

You need no other pillows than my DD's when you come visit me

I love you too, very much

Teacher said:

You're just in denial, but I see how you're mellowing down.
I can picture you 10 years from now, with 3 kids. 2 boys and a girl.

I will try and make it there. I'll know more in less than a week.

just remember, teacher, you have the right to remove yourself from a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

you have the right to honestly express your misgivings.

even if you're the only one in your family who feels the way you do, you are not wrong.

Teacher said:

Heavenly said:

Well, considering I don't meet many men, who do you think'll be the father of the babies?

She was in a TERRIBLE mood today, not even the DD's could work their magic

I like my dog!

for less than a week!

I said the final (I think) goodbye to my father tonight. I DID go to my sister's and we had a great time all of us, despite the fact that Tyra was grumpy as hell. Dad had a few drinks with the others, but he behaved very well. I have to give him that much. Anyways, when I was going to drive him and mom home I was backing the car up so another car could come through, and he was on the outside and started yelling at me "what the fuck are you doing?". Right then I decided to NOT get yelled at anymore, NOT being told there's something seriously wrong in my head. When we were at my place to drop Uzie off I dropped everything I had of his in his lap and told him that I won't take his disrespectfulness anymore, and I mentioned what he'd said to me. He was virtually speechless, all he said was the very quizzical "ok, good that you told me." Anybody's guess really but I think he meant that it proves what he feels, that I'm fucked up in the head. I'm not budging though.

So goodbye dad, hello independent Jen


But it's still a VERY sad day for me today... he's a big part of me whether I like it or not. Which I don't. Shit.

Teacher said:

Goodbye girl, hello woman.
GOOD decision.

GooeyTheHamster said:

Thank you

It's hard to let go. But remember that friends can be closer and more important than family.

And from what I hear you have some amazing friends. I hope you will not be too sad to count those blessings...You are loved, Jen.

I hope you will sleep allright. It's midnight over there too. Go have a warm milk and off to bed!

GooeyTheHamster said:

Yes Gooey, my friends ARE amazing. I have come to appreciate my Org friends even more recently as well, I feel extremely fortunate and loved.

I hope I will sleep ok, my dreams have been more of nightmares of dad screwing things up than any other dreams (oh, I was shot twice two nights ago as well ). I hope in time the nightmares will pass, I could use less sleeping probs than I have.

Again Gooey, thank you but warm milk? I'll go with two cats and a dog in bed, works great too

You were shot?

I'm prayin' for you, lady. Stay encouraged!