Yep, it's time for the festive season and my dad has struck again. He refuses to give up the schnaps because "without it he might just as well not have the rest of the food"... and "all the finest chefs use it in their cooking". I told him booze is not food, but he maintains it's a spice.
Now, we were going to spend xmas Eve at my sister's, she and her bf are hosting it for the first time... her bf's mom and younger brother will be there and I just can't live with the anxiety watching him drink, knowing how he gets when he drinks... overly talkative, his version of what he thinks is charm... can't listen to anybody else. The list goes on and on, but he promises he'll drink "socially". Anybody who knows alcoholics knows that there is no such thing as drinking socially then, but he thinks he's fooling the world. Apparently he IS fooling somebody, cos both my mom and sister thinks it's ok for him to drink.

Tonight he told me that I'm fucked up in the head, and that he doesn't give a shit about what I think. To my mother he said that he loves me more than anything in the world. Guess who he lied to? Wasn't to me.

Needed to rant a bit is all, and I know I'm not alone having problems with the holidays. Orgnotes are welcome, I'll be lonely this Christmas Eve.

Jen
[Edited 12/24/04 14:36pm]

Some people are cruel by nature Teach. Trust me, I know.

I hope that your holidays don't get you down too much

Dreamrockin said:

Too late for that I'm afraid, tears are free flowing here.

Teacher said:

It's very hard to accept the cruelty in people, especially when they are close to you. However, with time, you do learn that it is simply how they are. Rather than hoping that they will change with time, you need to find it in yourself to make you happy. If you spend your entire life dwelling on those terrible things, you will always be sad, and in the end regretful. You only live one life, and you must live that life only for you and your happiness.

You are not alone. I'm here

Dreamrockin said:

well said Rock

Teacher holidays can be a real pisser at times, just remember all of us that care about you

Dreamrockin said:

Girl, I know and I made that choice, the final one, today. He gets no more chances, no more will I take crap from him EVER. for me!

ella731 said:

Ella, I know

I'm here too Jen

Teach, that's pretty crappy

There's always something with families and these things always seem to happen at the worst times... holiday's etc.

... I just hope other people see sense

EverSoLesa said:

Steph

Feeling the love

Dreamrockin said:

Couldn't have put that better myself... in fact, nobody could've put it better.

Here for you Jen

teach, we're here in spirit. Try not to let your dad get you down too much. I know it's hard but try ok?

EverSoLesa said:

Me three!

Tonight he told me that I'm fucked up in the head, and that he doesn't give a shit about what I think.


this sentence seems to me... him projecting onto you ( his mirror ) exactly how he feels towards himself ( hence his constant drinking )

see him looking into a mirror at himself ... drunk, whatever

saying I'M fucked up in the head and I dont give a shit what I think
( gulp more beer )




org note me hun if you need to talk

Mach

See my orgnote to ya

Teacher said:

I hope your Christmas is better than you think it's going to be and you get all the love you can handle and more ...big 's

I have a father just like that!!
Do not allow yourself to become a victim! You have that choice you know!!
Be strong, It's your life!!
Good luck....

OMG Teacher... I will call you tmrw..

WE love you and you know I love you with all my heart..

Teach!!! No matter what you have shown me positivity and strength in many


situations and I know in the past you expressed your pain because you


disapprove of certain peoples behaviors and lifestyles that have affected


you.... but just remember even if they never


understand what you stood for at least you meant well and had nothing but love


for them! I know it may not mean much but I am extremely fond of you Jen and I


love everything you write about because it shows me thatin this funked up


world we live in there are still good people with good intentions who still


really care about life itself!


2 U Teacher


LOVE pejI

PEJ said:

Teacher said:

That's one of the best choices one came make Teach!

Teacher said:

~Hugs Jen... and stick to it, no matter the mind games they may play, even if it means keeping away for whatever time needed.

Quite honestly... that is what I have done in my life, no regrets or hard feelings, just no need for negativity or more so the weight of their ways. We can choose what and whom we want in our life... yes, even if it is immediate family. Our wellness comes first, no one in this world can tend to our inner being the way we "ourselves" can.

~Best wishes.

Freespirit said:

that is just SO SO true, Julie

Teacher said:

Jenny, sweetheart, my eyes have teared up reading this. I feel for you so much. My family celebrated Christmas early (last weekend), and my dad wasn't too bad this year, since it was a family only gathering. He drinks wine, but not just a couple of glasses, but a couple of bottles. He exports Australian wine to Europe and this gives him an excuse to "sample". He and I can hardly be civil to each other because I don't drink wine, it is like he sees me as the failed daughter since I don't appreciate this most important thing to him. What he doesn't see is that he is an alcoholic and an embarassment to his wife and daughters. He won't come to the party unless he can bring his wine. He is THIS close to not being invited again, and when that happens I will be in the same boat as you.

In my family everybody gets drunk and overly talkative at christmas. So we don't have a problem with that. A good meal is even better with a bottle of wine to go with it. So alcohol is a good spice indeed.

To everybody who has posted on this thread:

My tears are flowing freely again, but it's because I'm so very touched by all the care for me you express. The understanding I see here is the same that I was hoping for from my family, and the love also.
Knowing that all of you care about me has made me stronger in my resolve to get my father out of my life and heal the void he'll leave behind, I will heal it FOR ME, because I have to. The only people that can hurt me this deeply is family, but I cannot let him do this anymore because I AM NOT WRONG. My father won't believe my childhood even though he was there, he doesn't remember. I do, I was sober and awake the whole time...

I love you all, you're an amazing bunch of people... WE are an amazing bunch of people.

you all

Jen

tommysoul said:

Well, if your family can drink socially without having to get plastered very often that's great, but otherwise you have a family of alcoholics. For you I hope it's the first and not the second