thank you for reading it, sacharine and cloying as it is...

one christmas when we were very poor, and it was my brother aaron, my mother and i, my brother sold his most prized possession, his electric guitar to buy my mother and i gifts. all he was able to afford was really low grade stuff, but the thought behind it was so emotionally overwhelming that it was truly the greatest christmas i ever had. he bought me this stuffed dinosaur, a really garish color of pink and the wire in it's neck was shoddily put in, so it's head always leaned to one side, often making it very difficult for the dinosaur to stand on it's feet, but it was very special to me.

the sad irony of it is my brother always was madly in love with christmas, and i never really much cared for it. as adults, he became a jehovah's witness and no longer celebrates christmas, and i absolutely adore it because i spend as much money as i can giving gifts to people in need, just as he did.

this year my church (a very gay-accepting progressive non-denominatial church) asked the AIDS assistance program they regurlarly do stuff for year round what could be done at christmas, and we were told normally there is a woman who single-handedly covers christmas gifts for the 40 children (living with AIDS or living with parents who live with AIDS) could not do this year. they asked if we could pick up a few of the kids, and we told them we would take all 40. they held drives amongst the small church, and got gifts for all 40. it made me want to cry every time i walked by the stack of presents, just as it does every time i think of that purple dinosaur.

so my best christmas gift ever is the emotions connected to those two things.

oh you soo ruined my evening...i had it all...i had it all..and somebody threw them all away... damn basement at my grandma's!! its evil!! evil down there...