To be Honest i wish it wasn't Christmas, i have two children who through my own fault are only interested in the presents.

My life seems to go from bad to worse, I finally thought i had met my soul mate only to find he was not feeling the same as me.

For the first time i find myself doubting everything in my life, my judgement and my integrity

I prayed today, may not believe it but it was the first time and it wasn't the selfish please let me be alright but for all the people going through terrible things all over the world. I feel guilt at feeling so sorry for myself and crying when others are going through things i could hardly even imagine.

Through my recent pain i know i have been selfish, I should be grateful for all the many joys and opportunitys i am offered being in the UK today. I just can't help the way i feel though, i feel so hurt, used and like i shall never be able to love and trust again.

I have hurt so many people this year in my quest for happiness maybe this is me learning my lesson.

I'm not a bad person though i truely believe I never meant to hurt anyone and the person who hurt me never wanted to but had no choice.

I know you're not a bad person, stay positive and remember there are a lot of ppl who do care abt you

Lolly love, you are a wonderful person. We all pursue happiness in our own way, you will grow from your experience and as I can tell from your post you have already learned some things. You WILL be happy, just try not to chase happiness because the harder you try the farther away it gets.

You have all the love you want from us here on the Org, you're an amazing

AndGodCreatedMe said:

positivity is failing me right now, trying to get there though.

Just want the hurt and pain to go, anyone got a fast forward button ???

lollyp0p said:

there you go smile sweetie, you'll be fine (you know you are! )

Teacher said:

I'm trying not to chase happiness, I have never believed in looking for it anyway, it found me when i least expected it and deserted me in pretty much the same way and just as quickly.

thanks teacher, glad you got your card

I've learned that life doesn't get better. It just ebbs and flows. I make the best of my happy times and try not to let the bad times destroy me. It's actually quite simple when you look at it like that. So, smile and come here for support. And when all else fails, just say FUCK IT.



You'll be just fine Lolly.

"Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They’ll hurt you and desert you.
Well they’ll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don’t you let them."

andykeen said:

Me too andy, and thanks

may the holidays be everything you wished them to be

jerseykrs said:

hello sweetie, I'm such a mess, practically destroyed, People i know say they don't know me anymore, I'm a shadow of what i was.

But i am looking forward now.....

thank fuck 2004 is nearly gone, I'm so looking forward to spending a lonely new year with a bottle of vodka!

lollyp0p said:

Sounds exactly like me. Like I said, just progress, I don't give anyone power anymore.

jerseykrs said:

But I don't want to not give 100%, i guess thats why i got so hurt. I gave everything, i shared everything i loved and now i can't do anything i enjoy cause the pain from the joint memories criples me.

it's early days i guess and it will get better, hell some day i might be able to turn on a radio without crying at every song.

I want to get through this and get rid of the shell, i don't want to be scared to love again, surely all men are not going to run away.

lollyp0p said:

Sweetie sometimes things and times like this come along as I am sure you know. However the hurt will pass and you will be an even stronger person with a clearer view on what you want and need to survive.
Stay well and stay happy

mdiver said:

I'll stay well, and try to get happy how about that for a deal, people say it will make me stronger, i just don't understand, just waiting for time to do it's thing.

thanks btw

lollyp0p said:

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I had what I thought was happiness for 4 years of my life, only to find out that it was onesided. The person I was happy with wasn't happy with me, I was somebody who he cared for but didn't love. I cannot say I have been happy before that or since, and I do not expect to experience it again. I'm not sure I'd even want to just for that very reason -
it abandons you in the blink of an eye.

You ARE strong, and you WILL survive.

lollyp0p said:

That is a good start sweetie

Teacher said:

I will survive, I'm feeling the same at the minute i was so blissfully happy, had everything i ever wanted and it was taken away without any warning. I'm not sure i want to feel like that again either as wonderful as it was it now hurts like hell, don't think i can get through it again.

Don't worry about your kids only thinking of presents. that's probably only what I think of too (well, the fact that I'm not Christian might have seomthing to do with it too ).

Yes, a lot of us went through things that are far worse, but then again, I'm not sure you can actually compare pains, since each person feels different about things. But what you've been though is very common. I don't know many good people who did not get a broken heart at one point in their lives. But if you get through this pain, you'll only grow stronger and smarter.

Saying 'I will never love again' is also very common after a break up. but you know what? love is a beautiful thing, and I'm sure you'll find love again in you. It'll make you happier, even with all the pain it might involve.

Last but not least - you've got many friends here. In time of need, use those friends to gain strength and support. That's what friends are for.

Hugs,

Ariel

Time heals all things... Hang in there, honey...things WILL get better. I promise.

You need a glass of living water.

Gosh, what an honest post. At least you're looking at things the way they are; you can move on from this point. It's when we deceive or fool ourselves that it becomes more difficult to make changes.

I do hope things get better. I know I've certainly been where you are now and it hurt like hell.

Good luck hun.

AsianBomb777 said:

That's not a stupid reason, it's my birthday!

/

Lolly I know you're going through a rough time of things but I wish you well and in time you will find peace.

I lived my entire adult life being lied to. Now I just don't believe anyone.

To be Honest i wish it wasn't Christmas, i have two children who through my own fault are only interested in the presents.



hunny ... they are so young still ...you have so much time to teach them otherwise

step outside the box and begin those lessons today

focusing on teaching your children wonderful things may just take your mind off and ease some of your "things"

best wishes to you
and good luck

Mach said:

... she's a wonderful Mum

For you Lolly....

Natisse said:

oh i am positive she is ... just an area she pointed out herself, that MAY be a key for her to focus on ... to ease the adjustment she is moving through right now personally

children are wonderful healers

lollyp0p said:

Oh, I was like that till I was uh...23?

Read 'em The Polar Express-that'll help keep things in check. They're kids-well ok, many of us still are most of the time.

I don't think you're learning a lesson you're just simply having a tough time right now that I know you'll get out of.

Just takes time and the more you do something each day to help yourself you turn that pain into power that you own.

There's no doubt in my mind (and anyone else's you can tell from this thread) that you can handle this-just know people care about you and you're never alone.

You have the power, you have the tools-and most of all, you're the same wonderful person regardless of how you feel-you're still you even though you don't exactly feel quite you at the moment possibly.

Just give yourself some time to get back on track and know you'll get to that better place before you know it.