He passed away last night of a drug overdose. My boyfriend is away right now, and I don't know how to break the news. I don't know how to go about it. What's the best way I can say it?

That's horrible.

Say it in as few words as possible.

Then let him talk.

But do it right away.

If my best friend just dies I"d want to know right away--I would be devistated becuase I love him more than I do most of my family, but I'd want to know right away.

theVelvetRoper said:

oh no ...I'll be honest I don't have any advice for you, but good luck

for one thing, just BE there. be kind. tell your BF you love him before you tell him anything, and make sure you're in a space - mentally, physically, emotionally - where you can have lots of room for just about anything to happen when you tell him the news.

and this might sound cheesy, but google info on the five stages of grief...it may give you some insight on what to expect when you give your BF the news. denial, anger, bargaining, all that...it can come off as really irrational and scary, but it's natural. just bend with the waves as best you can and let it all happen, you know?

i'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Anxiety said:

WHat are the five stages of grief?
I find that when I'm told REALLY bad news, all I want to do is be alone--It's like I can't burden others with my feelings. I almost always try to wallow in it for a while. I'd rather recieve the bad news directly, in as few words as possible, then be left alone to digest it--Is this normal?

AsianBomb777 said:

absolutely everyone deals with grief in different ways...that's your way

[b]I would say keep high emotion on your part to a minimum...sounds stupid in this situation...but he will draw strength from that.

There is no best way...You know him best.

Is there likely to be someone around him when you tell him...that will also help.

A difficult time for all ...my respect

Stead

AsianBomb777 said:

http://www.counselingforl...ticle8.htm

from the article:

As an example, apply the 5 stages to a traumatic event most all of us have experienced: The Dead Battery! You're going to be late to work so you rush out to your car, place the key in the ignition and turn it on. You hear nothing but a grind; the battery is dead.

DENIAL --- What's the first thing you do? You try to start it again! And again. You may check to make sure the radio, heater, lights, etc. are off and then..., try again.

ANGER --- "%$@^##& car!", "I should have junked you years ago." Did you slam your hand on the steering wheel? I have. "I should just leave you out in the rain and let you rust."

BARGAINING --- (realizing that you're going to be late for work)..., "Oh please car, if you will just start one more time I promise I'll buy you a brand new battery, get a tune up, new tires, belts and hoses, and keep you in perfect working condition.

DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I going to do. I'm going to be late for work. I give up. My job is at risk and I don't really care any more. What's the use".

ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. It's dead. Guess I had better call the Auto Club or find another way to work. Time to get on with my day; I'll deal with this later."

i don't mean this in an offensive manner so please don't take it the wrong way...are you the closest person in your boyfriend's life? i mean, would it be easier for him to hear it from a parent or maybe a best male friend? sounds silly and maybe it doesn't matter but i just thought i'd ask. though, perhaps he would feel most able to express his immediate feelings to you rather than anyone else.

if it is you that must tell him, quick words and your own silence thereafter would probably be best. let him decide if he wants to talk about it or be left alone. do you live together? if not, i'd tell him at his place so if he wants to be alone he can be so in the comfort of his own place.

sorry to hear the awful news.

Anxiety said:

I love Ross. She was an inspiration.

I have to agree with Anxy there. You know more about the situation than us and there could be other things behind it...your bf might even experience a little guilt in his grief, as would I, if my best friend overdosed. Just be there and let him know that you love him.

In the telling him part. You have to tell him, but gently. Just sit him down and say you have bad news to share. I find that doing it "story style" is easiest...like I got a call today from (blank)... Or the other night your best friend was at (fill int he blank) and..... a sentence or two before mentioning what you have to say eases it a little bit.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Take care of yourself.

So sorry. Looks like a lot of good advice on here.

sorry to hear this. It's truly awful.

to you and your bf

theVelvetRoper said:

Honestly, don't worry too much about how you say it. There is no 'good' way to hear such news. He will be so preoccupied with the news itself, he will probably not even notice the manner in which you word it. As long as you put it in some kind of sensitive way, which I am sure you will, when he reflects on how he found out, he will appreciate how difficult it was for you to break the news and that you were there to do it for him.


Don't expect too much from him too soon, grief is weird and everyone reacts differently. Just remember - you did the right thing and you were there for him. these are the things that will be remembered


take care, all the best

xx
[Edited 12/15/04 4:13am]

Let him know as soon as possible. There's no way you can cushion the blow of news like that, just let him grieve his own way, and be there for him.

Tom said:

Good advice!

I am so sorry that you have to bear such a heart wrenching burden!

Try to be strong for him

Take care of yourself also

Anxiety said:

How odd. I must go straight to depression. I guess it saves time though.

You already had the best advice you could get, I just wish you strength and hope you and your boyfriend get the chance to deal with this in some way.

Anxiety said:

Thank you. You really helped a lot.

Thanks, everyone.

theVelvetRoper said:

You can orgnote me anytime if you need to talk to somebody bout it. I hope you and your boyfriend get trough this alright, Luv Eva