A lady dies and goes to Heaven, and while she's filling out the forms with Gabrial, she hears loud screams.
Woman: "OMG, what was that?!"
Gabrial: "Oh, it's nothing, it's just the guy who came in before you, they're drilling holes in his back to attach the wings."
The woman, a little shaken continues to fill out the forms, and then she hears another scream.
Woman: "Oh no, that sounds horrible!"
Gabriel: "Don't worry, they're just drilling his head to attach the halo"
Woman: "That's it! I'm done here, I don't like this place, I want to go to Hell!!!"
Gabriel: "But in Hell you are going to be raped every day!"
Woman: "Yeah, but at least I already got holes for that!"

This is a silly,stupid joke that I'm sure you all have heard...


How come Santa Claus doesn't have any children?

Because he only comes once a year



yeah,I know...lame,isn't it?

A guy comes home and sees his old grandfather sitting on the porch, with his lower body completely naked.

Guy: "Grandpa, what are you doing outside like that? you'd catch a cold!"
Grandpather: "Actually it was your grandmother's idea, after last week, when I was sitting here with no shirt on and my neck got stiff."

DavidEye said:

cute !!

Q: What's the differeance between a Snowman ans a Snowwomen?














A: Snowballs

pippet said:

What are the three words that can crush a man's ego?





































Is it in?

In one of the flights, after the plane reached his maximum height and the captain told the passangers about the weather conditions and time of the flight, he forgot the microphone open and started talking to the co-pilot. "You know, what I really wanna do right now is have a hot cup of coffee and then fuck the stewardess".

Of course all the passangers heard that, and so did the stewardess. She ran immidiently to the cock-piy to tell the captain about the microphone.
When a passanger saw her running he stopped her and said "You've got nothing to hurry for, he said he'll have coffee first."

Those jokes suck!

Try this:

Gertie and Max, two octogenarians meet at the monthly dance at the retirement village. They hit it off well and, one thing leading to another, decide to go to Max’s apartment for some sex.

As she undresses, Gertie says, “I have to warn you, Max, I have acute angina”.
“I sure hope so”, he responds, “because your boobs sure aren’t much to look at!”

another:

"Make it a double, Joe." the dejected man told the bartender. "I just got the shock of my life. I caught my wife screwing my best friend."

"Paul, that's awful. What did you do?"

"I hit him in the nose with a newspaper and sent him to bed with no Kibbles 'N' Bits."

one more:

Several days after her late husband's life insurance policy paid off, this woman was standing on the beach with her husband's cremated remains. Talking to the urn, she said. "Honey, you know that vacation to the Caribbean you always wanted? Well. I'm here."

"Honey, you know that 4 star hotel you always wanted to put me up in? That's where I'm staying."

She shook the ashes out onto her palm and said..."You know that blow job you always wanted?"

Just as she blew the ashes away, she said, "Well there it is!"

I can't resist!

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she had been in a coma for several years.

On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.

From this the doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in, but comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife was dead.

The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

jackflash said:

Q: How does a kid in Alabama know that his sister is on the rag?

A: His father's dick tastes funny.

jackflash said:

Yeah ... and your jokes are by far SO MUCH better




NOT

Please read only if you are not easily offended. It is not my intention to offend and this joke is incredibly tasteless, the dirtiest joke ever....

Mary Ann, a 16 year old girl is running late to pick up her dress for that evening's dance. She asks her Dad if she can use the car.

Dad: "I"ll let you use the car, but you have to give me a blowjob first."

Mary Ann reluctantly agrees to perform oral sex on her father, but stops after only a few seconds.

Mary Ann: "Dad, your d**k tastes like s**t."

Dad: "I know, your brother needed the car earlier today".