before I say this I'll say to gemini13 "don't trip potato chip this ain't me whining and complaining as you describe me 2 be this is different"warning: this is a hypothetical example not a true story





okay let's just say that I have this friend who I met at an AA meeting


and we became buddies after a while...as time went on we would make sure we


would go to the meetings religiously as a way of feeling relief and comfort

that there is more to life than hittin the bottle or hangin at the local

watering hole everynight.... my friend had been going to the meetings alot

longer than me so he was better known by the others but I was impressed by the

great deal of respect he had there and I almost began looking at this place as

my second home!!! now one day I showed up late for the meeting cuz of this

doctors appt and when I arrived my friend wasn't there...


nobody knew anything and my friend couldn't be reached...


3 weeks later I found my friend in front of my house crouched over on my stoop

and he looked a bit sad ... I asked him what had happened and he said he

barely fell of the wagon and had a drink at a saloon on the otherside of town

the same day I noticed he was missing (3 weeks prior) ... he said he tried to


go to the club that night but because he had liquor on the breath the head of


the organization told him he will not

be allowed on the premises ever again... what do you think is that fair and

if he's not allowed back should I and anyone else who believes in him relocate

to another AA organization or should I still go to that one since I live near

the joint? I've gone to a few meetings and it just doesn't feel the same as it

would if my friend were there...



do ya get my drift? my friend had one drink .... there were others in the past


who were caught drinking in the bathroom and let back into the meetings at


the same establishment but were granted permission right back in many times


be4!!!please help me with this so I can decide....



sincerely pej







[Edited 12/4/04 8:22am]

Is that how AA works? I thought they were supposed to help, no? Maybe they should have found what caused him to take a drink. I say go to another place with him or talk to who's in charge

Janfriend said:

I'm tellin you I thought the same but he is not allowed back. Well with the exception of that particular club owner. get my drift?

I'd suggest going to talk to whoever's in charge. They're definitely supposed to be there to help. If quitting was so easy the organisation would not exist so it's rather strange to turn people away just because they struggle. I'm trying to quit smoking and some days I don't smoke and think it's the start for me, but then go back and smoke the next day. I'm not smoking a lot and I know I'm getting closer, but if I were made to feel terrible and worthless about having the odd cigarette I would probably break down completely and smoke a packet or two per day.

If you can, talk to someone there about it and tell them what you know about your friend and his commitment to quitting.

Good luck.

PEJ said:

That's just plain wrong.

I would encourage you to make sure that what you know is all there is to what is actually going on.

If others have been caught drinking on the premises of the meetings and allowed back in and your friend is now banned, something has changed or happened.

I would also look into "the rules" regarding AA meetings. They probably have guidelines to follow regarding banning people.

Good luck Sweetie

Nothinbutjoy said:

did you say banning?

Faux said:

yes sort of like my signature.

AA meetings are there to help. People fall off the wagon all the time, and to my undertanding AA meetings practice the 12 steps. I dont think banning someone from an AA establishment for falling off the wagon is right. I say find another place to attend the meetings. Stick with your friend, help him through this "rough" time. As long as he is willing to accept the fact that mistakes happen and still has the desire to stop drinking, he has every right to attend AA meetings.


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference"




#1 of the 12 steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.



#3 of the "Traditions"

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

How's Kristy?

PEJ said:

Definitely

This is a tough one...



But, if I were in a similar position and really was friends with the person I would go with him to a different group. But, you have to weigh the benefits for you too...ultimately, that's why you're there...to help yourself. If you think that BOTH of your interests would be served by going to a different group...then I would do it.

Good luck!

PEJ said:

High pej. Its always hell 2 see a friend in a low or having a setback. We all DO. What I know about AA isnt too much, but I KNOW one cannot attend a meeting intoxicated. If this WAS his 1st relapse, he should be allowed back in 2 meetings immediately. If NOT, then usually the law is involved in one way or another & he will B taken 2 a house 2 sober up, b4 resuming meetings, IF jail isnt where hes headed. The meetings R valuable AND no one should B turned away 4 a setback, as thats when help is very much needed. But being intoxicated or in trouble or depressed will not help unless intervention from medical/law enforcement people help out 1st. Talk 2 ur leader about the situation TRUTHFULLY, and see what he/she says b4 going 2 another area. It's always good 2 stay in one group setting bcuz every group differs in format, ppl that one is comfortable with, like u said...he had the deep respect of his comrads already. takes time building reputations and friends & trust. Lastly, BE THERE 4 him in time of setbacks, as u can make a difference by ur example and keeping an eye out 4 him when hes in need & the group or leader can only do so much. Thats why outside intervention is important & often times necessary. I have connections with AA leaders through my schooling, so if u need help or any more questions asked, just org note me. Always happy 2 help. GOOD LUCK 2 BOTH of U.

PEJ said:

This sucks ass, it's not the way it should be at all. It's about helping, not about condemning. Who's that person to judge anyhow?


PEJ

That sux and is out of order, see it a lot these days. The cheif cheese should take things in hand and show moderation

mdiver said:

i agree wholeheartedly!

great thread, Pej!

mdiver said:

you get me!?

It sounds like they are a bunch of cunts.

bkw said:

If they won't let you back in-which seems a little extreme though I can understand a little since it's AA-I say find another place.

It's best to keep with what you're doing.

Part of your success is because of having someone to go through it with.

That's something worth driving farther for.



(Hope AA continues to go well for you, PEJ.)

PEJ said:

Howz'it bruv! Now, if that's all there is to the story and from the extract of your post/thread, the head organiser obviously has some sort of prejudice against your buddy..... Otherwise why does he have one rule for certain rule breakers and a different one for your friend

You need to contact a higher authority in the organisation. Things there just don't seem right.

In regards to you relocating with your boy, it depends how feasible the move would be for the both of you, relating to distance and travel time and the impact it'll have on you guys (and families). If you're attending AA and it's helping you keep off the demon drink then it's important that you still attend counsilling in one form or another.

Whatever your decision, be sure to pursue the issue against the bent AA organiser through the appropriate channels, coz that fool could be wreaking more lives than he is helping.

And for my other point on this thread baradar, pls check your OrgNotes

Good Luck!

subhuman09 said:

you crack me up, Subby! - does the NPGMC pay you to say this?
[Edited 11/27/04 6:14am]

irresistibleb1tch said:

It's not too subtle?

subhuman09 said:

you have a way with words...

irresistibleb1tch said:

Sometimes I can even form them coherently!

senik said:

Absofuckinlutely

bkw said:

Your so passionate when your posting as the protecter of

subhuman09 said:

The NPGMC must b paying lots of peeps round here? Hmmmmm...Give us credit 4 our own intelligence & opinions & thoughts & wisdom, right sub09? However some of us connect in special ways with the MOTHER club!!!

PEJ, you are something else!

Good luck with the AA!

Hmmm, sounds like there is more to the "big picture" than what you may know....a red flag for me would be the fact that others were caught on the premises drinking, and let back in....that doesn't make any sense to me to ban one but not others, and the others being caught with their hands in the cookie jar so to speak. Did your friend tell you this or did you hear it from the other members about why he was banned????? Something is definetly not being told 100% here.... I would definetly try to help him if you really think he wants to quit....BUT remember....he has to want to quit or he never will....I know it's tough because my ex hubby was an alcoholic..and he would tell me he isn't drinking anymore..then I would hear "well I only had one".....well you know..I say either you drank or you didn't, it's not "I only had....." it's either one or the other you know??? Does your friend ever smell like alcohol, or do you ever notice it??? It's bad, it's a horrible disease to have to deal with..and nobody knows how it is unless they have been there...well good luck & let us know how it goes....