He's gay.
In the closet, but still gay.

She should leave him, test the waters, and not go into marriage without some experience.

I mean, it's rough enough, with alot of unpleasent surprises--why should sex be yet another?

AsianBomb777 said:

Nope...she says he's to hot to be gay!
In my experience tho...most gay men are hot!

Sex before marriage???


Yes, please.

Fleshofmyflesh said:

Uhmmm.
Sex is as much a discovery as learning how to speak.
It can teach you stuff about yourself. If you feel comfortable with someone to stall that part of your personality, then it's cool.
Just remember that your sexual side also develops alongside with your relationship, the view at the world etc.

Don't let people tell you you need to learn that stuff prior to marriage. People saying that were not in a relationship like yours when they lost their virginity, most often for the wrong reasons. Then again, sex means different things to as many people as there are in the world. If you find someone who thinks the same; enjoy it and count yourself lucky.

If your relation is sturdy enough it's special enough to discover that part together. With a loved one.

more power to them...

lots of stuff to do without penetration.

i was much too eager to throw my virginity away... the guy definately didn't deserve it but you couldn't have told me that at the time. would have been nice to have been with someone i cared about.

they may be tempted once they are enjoying the "benefits" but i suggest taking care of a two year old every week to strengthen their resolve.

Well, sex has been around forever ... but marriage hasn't.

Reincarnate said:

Yes?
Meaning?

GooeyTheHamster said:

Thanx Gooey! She's reading all the responses and she really appreciates your comments. She's a smart girl so I know she will do what is right for her but with the way society is today and how peer pressure really plays a roll sometimes it makes you question what you're doing. She's lucky that she has a young man that feels the same way about it as she does!

GooeyTheHamster said:

... meaning that if you take marriage out of the equation, then sex doesn't become something with a right or wrong answer. It all depends on the individual; if marriage is important to them, moreso than experimenting sexually, then I'm sure they can stay true to their promise not to have sex. But for a lot of us, sex is such a strong and natural urge, that we forget our promise not to have sex before marriage as soon as we are presented with someone we find sexually attractive.

For me marriage means making a permanent bond with someone..kinda. Not settling down for a family. Sex before marriage doesn't matter, people have their beliefs.

I guess it all depends on how much different you think marriage is compared to any other relationship. Personally I don't see what would make a bf/gf relationship different from a husband/wife one. If I get in a relationship I expect it to last forever. In a way I'd even be kind of offended if a girl wouldn't want to have sex before we got married, as if what we have wouldn't be good enough to her.

So it's not my thing, but if both people can live with it, good for them.

On a side note: sounds to me like they're still having sex...

I dont see how you can be faithful to a man ur married to if hes the only one you had ever been with. How can a person not be curious of what else is out there and what they are not experiencing? Im not sayin you should be a ho before, but I DO believe that you should have plenty experience before you settle.

Just my 2c

1st master self sex ... if you dont know and cant show a man how to please you ...thats mistake # 1 ...

sex is an incredible thing ... with the right person (s)

bad sex ... can end a marriage in record time

have fun ... but the line from petting to penetration is a fine one ...

in the end...its only YOUR choice that matters

good luck with it all

JoweeCoco said:

I agree. I find defining "sex" as penetration only to be limiting and, well, kinda silly. An orgasm, or really any activity with an orgasm as the goal, when provided by another person is sex. So, sounds like they may already be doin it.

As for doing it before marriage, I guess I'll just kinda echo what others have said. Have sex when it feels right for you, and if that means after a marriage certificate has been signed, so be it. Doesn't quite make sense for me (as I don't ever intend on marrying), but then I get to do what I like so why would I judge anyone else?

My wife and I were going to wait, but then changed our minds to when we got engaged instead which was only a year after we started dating. I don't think either of us could have waited much longer.

When you're having sex when you both love each other
you're showing your love and feel as one
which really can be a beautiful experience
Personally i don't see how that experience can ever be wrong
so i don't see why you should get married first

Another thing ;
If the sex is bad
you'll be stuck with the same person all your life

Sorry , no offence
But this sounds like it could be asked 50 years ago

If you wait til after marriage to have sex your going to miss a hell of alot of sex, and believe me, you wont make it up later.

Dewrede said:

My auntie married a guy, both were virgins. He ended up not being able to "perform" (this was in the 1950s, before all the erectile dysfunction products were around). She wanted kids badly, but by the time she divorced him and married someone new it was too late for her.

PurpleThunder said:

Tell her I think she's an idiot for saying that. And yeah, there's tonnes of hot gay dudes out there.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with sex before marriage. But it's up to the individuals involved to make that decision. Keep in mind that there can be a very fine line between fooling around and all out sex. If you're going to do anything even remotely sexual but you want to wait for marriage, make damn sure you've got good resolve. The best trick I guess would be to babysit a toddler for a week, or perhaps check out some graphic photos of the results of STD's.

Since they are both 18, they should not have sex until they are 25 or married, whichever comes first

Janfriend said:

Do you mean 25 because at this age you are more mature and able to handle the emotional consequences? I'm not sure getting married before you are emotionally mature is a good idea though, so really we should all have waited until we are about 25 to marry and have sex (actually men should wait until they are 35, when they are grown up finally).

Well, obviously spreading it around in non-serious relationships may not be a good idea, but I don't see why you would need to commit to something so set in stone like this.

I slept with my (now) wife before we were married, but she's my only partner and we had good idea we wanted to be together a long time when we had sex.I don't understand why someone would try to make rules for themselves like this. You never know who you might meet, your soul mate or whatever you want to call them, and why supress feelings if you have them? If you really care about the person and feel the relationship could be something really special, why not have sex? As has been said before, the sexual part of a marriage is a considerable part and the commitment of marriage is a big one. Probably better to have explored that part of your relationship too before you get married IMHO, lest you run into to problems later relating to that part of the relationship.

Also, it seems a little odd to say no sex before marriage and just do everything but penetrative sex. If the girl takes a guy's cock in her mouth does the 'no sex before marriage' thing and what they're trying to achieve still stand? In this case she could be involved in all kinds of sordid orgies involving all manner of sexual acts and still maintain the 'no sex before marriage' line!!

BabyGirl said:

I disagree. I've only ever been with my wife and I won't ever stray. Why not get the experience growing with your partner? I had a lot to learn about love-making and still do, but I choose to learn it through making love to my wife. I'm curious about sex and about enjoying more sexual experiences, but unless you reveal to me that some women have two pussies or three breasts or something I think I can satiate my curiosity right here.

I guess it comes down to making the right choice regarding the person you want to be with. If someone finds their curiosity to experiment and gain experience with others besides their partner so strong, perhaps feeling they've missed out on something, they may not be with the right one.

What's so difficult about this love/sex/soulmate thing anyway?

CarrieMpls said:

I completely agree with both of you. A person needs to feel comfortable with his/her choices concerning sex. Some people can handle casual sex, while others would prefer to be in "relationship." Then there are those people who really want to wait until marriage. And I agree abou the definition part of your responses, too. It might not necessarily include "intercourse," but if you are being physically "intimate" and reaching orgasm, then you are having sex.

charlottegelin said:

You're right. I assumed that someone who does something as serious as getting married would be emotionally mature. There are people who have long-lasting relationships that get married younger than 25 and stay married, but I agree people should wait for marriage and sex until they're 25