I don't think anyone on Prince.org has the nerve to tell it like it is.

Sure we marry for all sorts of reasons. For whatever reason it is, it doesn't matter.

Marriage is fuel for the economy and not some nest made from Love.

For ever reason you do co-habitate with someone, the truth tends to come forth either during or at the end of the relation.

Although some people on Prince.org say they are happy in marriage, I don't tend to believe this.

If it was so, they wouldn't be chatting.

Realistically, Marriage really sucks. There's no freedom in marriage. Most of us have gotten married in our 20's. You hardly even know yourself at the age 30. Put kids on top of that and you're fucking lost.

Of course you love your kids. But tell the truth. Do you even love yourself?

The truth about kids is that yes they are adorable...loveable, Angels and are so innocent. There's alot of effort to keep them safe....feed them...cloth them...make sure they're going to be productive citizens.

They pick up your bad habits and good habits.

You best believe that if you're putting efforts into raising kids, you're gonna catch a rough side of this that people don't want to talk about.

Babies...kids...will suck you dry. You may still be alive inside but you'll be sucked for whatever source you are to them....emotionally and financially.

Women often find themselves engaged in a situation that's degrading to them...Marriage...kids...stuck at home wihtout a career. Yes, men benefit the most from being married.

Once a woman has kids, there's that embedded commitment to marriage---husband and kids. If she steps away from that responsibility, hell breaks loose.

This is why so many women are bitter.

There are some men in similiar circumstances.

As a man, I've had similiar struggles and I have latched onto friends who have yet fallen victim to this bitterness, hoping that I could catch a glimspe of that world of so called Love I once dreamt about.

To make this long post shorter, I simply say that in other cultures outside the American Culture....Marriage is probably just fine...full of love and shit like that.

However, there are too many elements in the American Society that doesn't allow a person to fully fall in love and get married.

People don't simply tell the truth about having kids and marriage, fearing that they'll be an outcast amongst their peers and fellow orgers.

I'm going to tell you like I see it.

Marriage is a serious commitment.

If you're thinking about doing it, you better make sure you know yourself. And the person you're hooking up with know themselves.

Skip the fucking marriage counseling and go speak to about 20 couples who have been married for at least 7 years.

I'd hoped they'd tell you the truth. And don't speak to them around their spouse.

The truth won't unfold with the significant other around.

Note: I do still have hope that there's Happiness out there.

Sincerely,
Dr. Big Fun
Your in-house Doctor
..
[Edited 11/21/04 9:50am]

I recently heard a song that pretty much sums it up...


My father sits at night with no lights on
His cigarette glows in the dark.
The living room is still;
I walk by, no remark.
I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
My mother reads her magazines.
I hear her call sweet dreams,
But I forgot how to dream.

But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me -
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be:
You want to marry me, we'll marry.

My friends from college they're all married now;
They have their houses and their lawns.
They have their silent noons,
Tearful nights, angry dawns.
Their children hate them for the things they're not;
They hate themselves for what they are-
And yet they drink, they laugh,
Close the wound, hide the scar.

But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me -
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be:
You want to marry me, we'll marry.

You say we can keep our love alive
Babe - all I know is what I see -
The couples cling and claw
And drown in love's debris.
You say we'll soar like two birds through the clouds,
But soon you'll cage me on your shelf -
I'll never learn to be just me first
By myself.

Well O.K., it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me -
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be,
You want to marry me, we'll marry,
We'll marry.

(Carly Simon/Jacob Brackman) - That the way I've always heard it should be.

oh and by the way...never assume you know how peoples lives are. You have made many assessments here based on your experiences not theirs. And you have made many assumptions based on...what, I don't know. But there are many generalizations you made that are simply not true.

I am married or as close as I can be...for about 5 years now. All I can say is that you do your best, hopefully you are a good judge of character and found someone that's good for you and vice versa. But even that changes over time. Communicate. Be honest. Communicate through that honesty. Tell the otrher what you want. Listen to the others wants. Compromise. Try to accomodate.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know everyone is human and no one is perfect. I also don't believe that 2 people necessarily have to be together forever....but that's a different talk show.

I hope I don't have to pay for this consultation.

JoweeCoco said:

No fee...

In house Doctor. Your insurance covers 100%

This subject needs to be covered on the forums.

..

love your posts Dr BigFun ...



i hope your next one will be titled .. something like .. "Drbigfun tells the truth about those venereal warts he had to have taken care of "



curious minds want to know ....

your fans want to know ...

As Prince's Father said in PR:

"NEVER GET MARRIED."

interesting....


i see it like this, marriage is serious, its work, and it can be draining at times. you have to be able to put as much energy into is as you want out of it, that means, giving more than you expect back, and hopefully the person you are with does the same for you.

also, marriage is to easy to get out of these days.. its become almost like disposable cameras, use it till its done, then toss it aside.... in the old days we had a camera for quite a while, carefully picked it out, and took care of it - it has its own case, we took it everywhere we went (instead of picking up a cheap one when we need it), we cleaned and maintained it when it needed it, and took the time to get to know how it works and what each of the buttons do for our situation at hand. now though, for the most part, you run in - grab any camera that suites your immediate needs, if you need more light/focus.. well then hopefully the guy that develops it can fix that problem, after all, what are we paying him for ? the point is, take care of your marriage, always give it the attention it needs. dont be so quick to bail out and maybe, JUST MAYBE we can have some truely happy marriages around us.

i blame the microwave for so many things... ever since then, we want what we want RIGHT NOW, noone can wait and work things out on their own or learn to see things for ourselves...

Don't scare me now. ~Smile.

~Plus, I don't have the engery to tell my marriage story... but I will say (and you know), it had it's valuable purpose. No regrets.

~No children for me. Will I? I don't know.

I disagree. I'm married and extremely happy. I'm not lying to myself about it, why would I? If it weren't a good relationship I'd have moved on long ago before things got to where they are now. That's why it's good to live with someone for a good while before making that commitment. Every marriage needs work of course, but sometimes when u have two people well-suited to each other, and who are willing to work together to sort any problems out, marriage can work beautifully.

Kids, I don't know about, as I haven't had any. Hopefully soon.

MisterMan38 said:

It goes like stuff like that. Never had to work on VW's besides by profession is psychology.

...

nakedpianoplayer said:

In a round-about-way, I wonder what you have to say.


..

Faux said:

I don't buy it.

Why do you chat?

...
[Edited 11/21/04 17:56pm]

Freespirit said:

We shall have this talk later.


..

Marriage sucks, your kids end up hating you for making the mistakes you make, life sucks, so basically we are all just fucked up

Do you at least still believe me CC?

EverSoLesa2 said:

hi ever

DrBigFun said:

Mannnnn ... Now you KNEW.....I was gonna respond to this:

*ahem*

Marriage.....relationships.....child rearing..... What have you encountered...that you didn't have to work toward or strive for have you appreciated?

I'm gonna go deep first and then skim the surface with regard to the "if they were happy they wouldn't be chatting part" ...I'll save that for last


Let's start with "fear" ..... what interferes and inhibits with most relationships (only in my opinion) is entering into the relationship too soon and much of that is because we tend to even if subconsciously adhere to societal preconceived notions of the "norm"... instead of searching for our true soul mates... and ooooops yeah love button ... the mate that "God" intended for us to walk through life with... we yield to timeframes that society dictates... (i.e., high school graduation, college graduation, job, marriage, family) ...

first of all, none of us are perfect ..... however when we look around or examine ourselves....quite often we think in terms of what is "expected" or eve what preconceived timetables we've set for ourselves.... also coming into play is sterotypical scenario's where hellacious sex and/or someone who makes us think that for whatever reason we want to have that association for the rest of our lives....takes over the assessments that we should be going through internally with respect to compatibility..... goals, mutual beliefs... oops...here i go again C ... (knowing this is like garlic to to vampire .... RELIGION (but having those beliefs in common ....or the lack of those beliefs in common ...truly come into play)....

having gone through divorce, i feel i can speak on this C...but whatever you do in this world.... you can't group every relationship into a neat and all inclusive category..... nor can u shun the concept of marriage in an effort to justify your repelling it.... should you choose to not marry... let it be merely your choice...don't assume that everyone else isn't happy just because you don't believe you could be....AND ... be open to the idea and perhaps the desire to hold someon above all the rest may touch you on a deeper level too and ya just might find someone that you can "walk with ..... not leading nor being lead" ..... "relate too and strive with to achieve the life that you both have set out to realize and to share with your children"... and "that just might turn some of the bitter taste in your mouth to sweet"

I'm not saying marriage is for everyone... but by the same token, you can't say that everyone in marital union is unhappy C... that's not fair.... and albeit not for everyone... it's not a viable all inclusive categorization....

as for the chatting...

perhaps they are chatting while their spouse is working or out of town .. or their children are sleeping and perhaps.... with computer communication being part of the american way these days its a past time not an escape

and

kids will suck you dry and demand every ounce of you.....but asking you ...one parent to another...baby would u have it any other way ? and have you ever known such joy?????

u know i lubz me sum u ...but i believe your running C... and without getting into the convo's we've had before ..... no matter how many people jump on the bandwagon here...and co-sign that marriage is the work of the devil himself and it's pure hell and no one will ever be happy ...yada yada yada... u know! and i know! sometimes... it's "us" and our "preconceived notions that impede our own happiness" .....mannnnn go on and marry dat woman

As a thirty-something father of three, I can honestly say that you've hit the nail on the head.

Mainstream America is no longer geared for the traditional "Nuclear Family" of old. I'm not talking about EVERYONE...just the "mainstream" as portrayed in the media and glorified by the masses.

If you want to live like the cast of FRIENDS, you can't get married and have kids. Can't do it. Rachel & Ross had at kid as the show neared the end - but that was pure FANTASY. Children require a deep (and harsh) sacrifice of oneself. All of your spare time, money and affection is for your kids. It has to be. From the moment they start kicking in the womb until the moment they graduate from school move out - you're a slave to their needs and desires. Every thing you do, everything you eat, everything you say, ...it all affects their development and emotions, and will determine whether or not that kid will end up being a successful Wall Street Banker, or a troubled individual serving fries at McDonalds.

So if you don't mind trading in the Mustang for the Minivan, changing that trip to Cancun for a weekend at DisneyWorld and giving up the Armani Exchange wardrobe for whatever's on sale at JCPenney, then welcome aboard. Otherwise, please do yourselves a favor and do not procreate.

PurpleJedi said:

Wow...that's really sad jedi ..... I mean to blessed with children but to view it that way.... that's really sad... for both them and you.
[Edited 11/21/04 21:35pm]

You started a new thread for THIS? I don't believe everyone is unhappilly married, that's so fucking synical I ain't saying they're all happy either but hell, a sweeping generalization like "marriage is bullshit" is just... bullshit




.
[Edited 11/21/04 21:39pm]

toffee said:

Don't cry for me Argentina.
There's no sadness in my life (well, at leats not related to my children). I love my kids and have devoted my life to raising them as smart, healthy, happy, well-rounded individuals. Everything I do is for THEM. My kids ARE my life, and that makes me happy. BUT I am not representative of the average guy, which is why I am siding with DrBigFun. See...I actually ENJOY riding the Peter Pan ride at DisneyWorld and building a big snowman on the front lawn and all those cooky things that brings a smile to a kid's face. The clothes, the car, the empty wallet...it's all trivial 2 me. Am I the norm though? I think NOT. Deep down inside, most guys resent their wives when their money and their toys and their freedom is taken away. That resentment is unspoken, yet it festers and grows until one day you walk into the bathroom and the way the toothpaste has been squeezed annoys you to the point where you wind up in divorce court.

So I'm being honest. If you want to be a parent, you have to be ready to cease being a child.

EskomoKisses said:

Of course I do.

..

PurpleJedi said:

You know what...this is the first time someone even told the truth.

..

PurpleJedi said:

This is right on point.

I love raising my son...no doubt.

It's alot.

See this is why I say tell the truth. When you do tell the truth, it's viewed in the wrong way.

People should know this.

toffee said:

Gina...Look. Hopefully, we'll chat before Thanksgiving. On the phone or so...



...

i believe marriage should consist of renewable contracts for 2-5 year spans of time. just my opinion

I don't even know if I want kids anymore. Kids these days are just bad and they might turn your kids into one of them. I don't know.

XxAxX said:

CalhounSq said:

Ahhh...what the fuckever.

I didn't intend it to be understood like you're insinuating.

...