Sweeny79 said:

yeah ... and now i am kinda sad ... cuz they dont

My parents were married for nearly 50 years when my father passed away...and because of that I realize that "the greatest love" is something that develops over years and years. It's not something that happens immediately or without ups and downs...it happens because of the turbulence of life. I think that it's easy to lose sight of that.

Mach said:

I don't know if I painted a clear picture about what I had in mind; what I said had nothing to do with so called servitude, but feeling the need to be alone which has been mentionned once or twice in here and I was merely refering to this as well. It's all about people characters, some fear to be alone whereas some feel the urge to be alone. I belong to the second category and my loneliness is what I fear to lose. Seems like many people don't understand the fact that one can feel this need to be alone, they can't even consider or merely think about the damn thing, although it does exist and I don't think I'm wrong.

and big giant co sign to Sweeny, Hotlegs and CarrieMpls

Sweeny79 said:

Da pleasure waz mine

CalhounSq said:

What for?

I dont plan on ever getting married cause of the fear of losing that person.

MarySharon said:

While I didn't really touch on this in my post, this is along my lines of thinking as well. I need my alone time. I've been living alone for the last 4 years or so and I can't imagine sharing my living space again with someone. I treasure my solitude. Not to say I don't love being with people (cause I do!) and I also treasure the many relationships in my life, I just need to be able to get away from all of that and have have something that is my own only. Perhaps someday I'll meet the person who either challenges my ideas of these things or who can fall in line with my way of living/being/whatever... I guess you never know.

Holy steamed turnips!!

Something that was lightly touched upon on this thread but was not out right spoken about, is that our parents and what their marriages/living arrangments were like when we were small greatly influence how we see marriage and how we think it works.


My parents were married in 1968 and are still to this day married, but I have never considered their marriage to be the healthiest situation in the world. At times, most times, they can not stand eachother. They avoid eachother, bad moutheachother to my brother and I. They have never exibited any type of unity in my eyes.My father dumps almost everything on my mother and basicly shouts orders at her when things need to be done. There was always a line drawn in the sand between my mother brother and I and my father. always us against him. When my father is around there is a walking on eggshells feeling in the air. My father is not a bad man and it is not completely his fault that my home was and is run this way. My mother allowed things to be like that and over the years things just worsed.

Now I do not agree or disagree with the old adage that a girl will try to marry someone like dear old dad,I have never actively sought a man like my father,but I have during the duration of my longest relationship (7 years) experienced situations in which my ex-boyfriend and I did behave like my parents, and his parents as well. ( and boy let me tell ya his parents are a train wreck!)

So I guess my adversion to being a wife has something to do with those factors as well.

Byron said:

I know

Byron said:

I just hope if and when I do marry it will because I'm in love with him and he's in love with me equally...

CarrieMpls said:

I hear you guys on that. I'm hoping I can stand to live w/ whoever I want to marry w/o strangling his ass I adore my solitude too, but I'm thinking a great love will make me adore it less. We'll see...

I never expected the number and type of responses contained on this thread when I started it...I thought it was just an interesting quote. Thank you each for sharing yourselves and your thoughts/fears/desires the way you did...so very appreciated, and gave me (and apparently many others) much to think about and contemplate..

We marry out of love but when it doesn't work out we stay married out of fear of being alone or thinking that we are making a mistake by leaving.

EverSoLesa2 said:

I don't think everyone marries out of love...in fact, I think very few people do.

I agree with the rest of what you said, though...

JoweeCoco said:

I'm starting to get that impression, too...lol

As well as, why do I get the feeling that too many of us tend to look at finding a spouse like finding a roommate?? (and by "us", I don't mean us here at P.org, but us everywhere)..."Will he keep the toilet seat up?"..."Will she do her share of the household duties??"..."How much privacy will I have to give up?"..."What if they start to get on my nerves??"...

Byron said:

Well, the thought of living w/ someone for the rest of your days requires some degree of compatibility right? Especially when the littlest things can build & make you completely fucking nuts

CalhounSq said:

LoL..Well, that's the thing, though...you're not simply trying to find someone to live with and have sex with for the rest of your life...marriage is (or should be) the forming of a union based on a deep, spiritual, loving, intellectual and sexual connection...it's having the same vision and outlook on life, one which was present within you individually before it became the philosophy of your newly formed world together. Within that context, matters like "What if he snores" or "What if she doesn't let me go out with the guys" become so irrelevant as to almost be nonexistent...those types of concerns are the domain of unions based on the superficial.

Very nice discussion. I can understand the reasons why some people don´t wanna get married (specially losing their freedom). But I also (still) believe true love exists. I am not afraid of being alone. It´s better than losing your freedom to someone who doesn´t deserve it. But if I find my true love, I will marry without fear.

Sweeny79 said:

Thank you for that...

Byron said:

What about STUPIDITY?

Very interessant!
[Edited 11/22/04 3:27am]

I can't believe how negative towards getting married this thread this

it seems people are very scared of giving themselves fully in a relationship or

maybe because they have made bad choices in the past don't trust themselves to

pick a partner who makes them want to give everything.


Mach said:


i totally agree with you and hope to be lucky enough to marry someone and feel

that way, i have every faith in the fact i will.

lollyp0p said:

i have faith in your intention

Becuase we have finially found someone who we think we will be with 4 the rest of our lives.....also if u want ur partners babies!

thesexofit said:


Funny that that didn't come up, that getting Married is often the decision to procreate .

Side note : My Mother has been Married 4 times, and Divorced 4 times.
I think it's got something to do with gathering up half a Man's assets on divorce settlement. She's happily embarking on her fifth .....OMG.

Nowaday's i think i'm with the "Loner's"...

damnedifido said:

Byron said:

I feel these are wise words Byron.

applekisses Said:

That's Beautiful!

On another tangent my sister has been in a relationship with her Partner , a woman, for almost 30 years , and they have a wonderful life together. Socially thet've endured the hardest of pressures, and although they have the usual ups and downs, they've endured .
Life has no rules, We live as our hearts reason us to.

I am blessed to have seen my sisters married to their greatest loves..


One has been married 40 years.

The other has been with her husband since the age of 12.. 45 years.

I haven't married, and don't have a desire to.

Lleena said:

Firstly, in order to measure something, you must first specify a standard, a yardstick (or one of those 3-inches-too-long "meter sticks" for you silly brits ).

With love, the standard is your own values--how strongly are they represented by the other person? Values are complicated things...they are inclusive of philosophy, outlook, sexuality, personality...we experience them by how we feel, yes, but to actually measure we must enumerate: "one of the things I love (read: value) about her is that she is very spiritual--something that matters to me a great deal." Etc.

DexMSR said: