I haven't heard a good joke in a long time.

I'm not a comic at all.

I need to laugh until I'm numbdumb.

....

hans, a large supply of dental floss, and a rendition of "american pie".

must be seen to be believed. or avoided.

he insists that pants would cheapen his art.

Ok..here goes.

Ummmmm....you see. There was this guy and....no...hang on. Yeah! Ok! There was two guys and they walked in to shop....no! A pub....that's right!
So one guy says to the other guy.....no hang on.....there's another guy in the pub and he's the one talking.
Anyway!!!!! Where was I?

althom said:

Anxiety said:

Anxiety said:

Give me a B!

Q: What does a cow with a speech impediment say?...


A: "Moof"...


(rimshot!) Thank yew....

bkw said:

dang, how many times do i have to break out the stick tonight?

Anxiety said:

That sounded rude!

We can all just laugh at Althom....he makes it so frickin easy....with that big bullseye on his forehead and all that say laugh at me.

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?...


A: For the "boos", of course!...


I got a million of 'em...

althom said:

Byron said:

God damn that was horrible...but so stupid I still laughed...wiath I am drunk I will laugh at anything.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?...


A: To get to the other slide!....



booyah!

i have one, but it's really long.

so like okay, a guy goes up to the bar and orders a drink and the bartender puts a bowl of peanuts on the counter and goes off to make the drink.

the guy hears a voice from out of nowhere say "you are SO sexy."

the guy looks around. the bar is empty.

the bartender comes back with the drink and the guy says, "did you hear someone say something just now?" the bartender says no and goes off to, like, wash mugs or something.

the voice chimes in again. "you are SO good looking and SO intelligent."

the guy starts to freak out a little. he asks the bartender if he heard anything, and the bartender shrugs.

a few moments pass, and again: "you are SO adorable. i think you have great fashion sense, too."

the guy starts to wig out. the bartender comes over. "i just heard a voice out of nowhere, and it keeps telling me i'm good looking and intelligent and all kinds of things!"

the bartender points at the bowl. "that's just the complimentary nuts."

OH good god!

*** Note: semi-dirty joke ***

Q: When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Okay, this is a long one, but the payoff is great(it's at the very bottom! Don't cheat!!) I dedicate this one to Anxiety!

So, there's three guys hanging out in a bar and they see a stand set up for the Guiness World Book of Records. They go up and talk to the lady at the desk and she tells them that they're accepting challenges to current records and that people who are admitted into the book will get a $1000 prize!

So, the first guy says "Hey, I think I have the world's largest feet! I'm going to go try to get into the record book". So, the guy goes into the room where the records are being checked and comes out 10 minutes later and says "I'm in the book! Drinks are on me!".

The next guy says "Hey, I think I'm the tallest guy in the world! I'm going to try to get into the record book". Sure enough, he goes into the back room and comes out with his name in the record book.

The third guy says "Hey, I have the world's smallest penis. I'm sure to get into the record book". So, he goes into the back room and 10 minutes later he comes out with a sad look on his face and his friends ask him what's wrong. He says (scroll down for the big payoff)

































































"Who the hell is Allistair Thompson!?!?!"

(big pay off edit)
[Edited 11/7/04 21:10pm]

althom said:

i don't get it, is allastair thompson althom's real name or something???

Anxiety said:

ReturnOfDOOK said:

Anxiety said:

Who the hell is Althom

NotoriousJ said:

You should know. He is apparently wearing your undies!

bkw said:

Oh that fool running around with girls panties on his head...

NotoriousJ said:

mr. althom has undergarments on his head as well?

hans-get back here!