.

Im tryin' 2 have a wank and i've got 'mind block'

Yeah.

last night i was wandering the streets with 3p and a half-eaten Mars Bar in my pocket, wanting some action.

Anyway, i found myself in Whitechapel, London, and wandered down "Newton Street" - shouldn't be called a street really; it's more of an alley way, in truth.

So anyway, it was pretty dark by this time, and i couldn't see a whole lot. The alley way appeared to be deserted - just a few dustbins and syringes scattered around.

But then i heard this strange, deep voice which grated against my soul. It said, "i'll do anyfink for you, lover, for whatevers you gots, know what i mean?"

I couldn't actually see the person in the shadows at this point, so i said loudly, "Truly, wench, I cannot see thee but I do declare that I have, on my person, only thruppence an ha'a mars bar."

"okay lover o' mine, lover o' mine", the horrible voice said. "gissus that, lover o' mine, an' i'll let you have your wicked way, so i will, so i will."

The voice continued, "but unfortunately my son "LadyBOyCabDriver" pushed his disease-ridden, microscopic penis up m' fanny last night, and it's pussin' somefink rotten, so you'll have to do me up the other 'ole."

Then, to my surprise, this...this thing, which looked like the offspring of a giant Pig and Vanessa Feltz, and smelt like a cess-pit, crawled out of the shadows and rolled over, ass up.

well, i'd had enough. "Verily, Hogwoman," I declared, "you can take your hideous ass and ram it up your...er...ass."

So anyway, i'm bored of this story now.

The End.

By Frog, aged 6 months and 3 days.

Frog, ur such a twat

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

reported!

so...any1 here an ass-virgin

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

i'm don't think i could handle that. i mean, i got guys stalking me from blowjobs. if i gave up the boo-tay, i might have to relocate and shit.

Aaaahhhhh Nasty germs, nasty germs Ladies

Men? Go fer yer life and have a blast - just use protection!

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

Once upon a time, I was with a rather attractive young lady I'd met not long before. Yadda-yadda-yadda...we're goin' at it. Well, it got pretty intense (she liked the good ol' spank-and-hairpull in Fido-position ) and I told her I was going to...how shall I put it gently? Fuck her in the ass.

She demured at first (as she'd never attempted this particular manoeuvre before and was a bit nervous) but as she was already quite turned-on, she agreed.

Well, let me tell you, there is nothing as H-O-T-T as feeling your cock arrive at its desired destination and a virgin anus tightening around it. To add icing on the cake, she liked the nasty talk, too.

A good time was had by all and I hope I was able to help you with your "wanker's block".

Ace said:

What a beautiful story!

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

Yep. I think I'm going to keep it that way too. You can still have a lot of fun w/out entrance into that area. However, a thumb every now and then is not that bad.

doctormcmeekle said:

Kinda chokes me up, too.

Ace said:

doctormcmeekle said:

Ace said:

It was so poetic how you asked her. Very smooth.

Nila said:

I was in a romantic mood.

Ace said:

I see. So what would you have said if you were not in a romantic mood? Just wondering.





"You cannot escape the revelation of the Identical by taking refuge in the Illusion of the multiple."

Nila said:

"Take it, bitch!"?

Ace said:

That'll work.

Ace said:

gotta love an honest man!

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

Watch a re-run of Golden Girls... satisfaction guaranteed...

I think I might have one or two