Have you ever had a "friend" who honestly seemed to act like just because you were of a different race or a lower financial class, or both, that you were ignorant, possibly even stupid, and needed to be taught how to act like a refined civilized human being? And if you have ever had one of these on your back, what were THEY like? I'm interested to hear your responses.

What??

I try to block those memories out.

hIsMiRRoR said:

Never had a friend like that and it sounds like you don't need one like that either.

But then again you could very well be one of the most ignorant and stupidest people he has ever witnessed....but why live for someone else's beliefs....move on!

But if all your friends were calling you on your behaviour or lack of cooth...then that mirror of yours isn't working right.

I've never had race be an issue with any of my friends, but I did once have a "friend" who thought she was better than me because her parents are together and both bring in some serious . Got rid of her good and quick -I don't need negativity like that.

Never has happened to me.....

DexMSR said:

I learned my lesson about that long ago. I grew up in a working-class, "ethnic" home and for a time in my early 20s I thought I needed to fit into middle-class, white America. Well, I learned my lesson REAL quick. You don't need anyone telling you that you're less just because you don't fit into what they think is "acceptable"...if you have someone in your life like that now...time to kick 'em to the curb.

Ya know, for the longest time I thought jeez I must really be that bad, but then I noticed that she was doing it to everyone she met and none of them seemed to have that opinion of me except her. Being American, sure I'm rude and ignorant of other cultures and some refinement, but it's not like I did that on purpose and believe me I am not as bad as this girl was saying...

applekisses said:

Actually I just told her what I thought of her last night and deleted her from my AIM list, my cell phone and my entire life. I feel so free. I can walk outside and just do whatever I need to without worrying that someone will disapprove because my bank account isn't big enough to buy a country and my skin is white. Wow, that girl was evil with her criticism, and all these years I let her do it. She kept wanting me to come visit her home and have her servants wait on me. She said I'd quickly get used to having people do everything for me and I'd never want to go back to my life. That's just wrong... I don't own other humans and I try not to let them own me; I'd like to keep it that way.

You all have lost the plot...

REDFEATHERS said:

you're so right Red

hIsMiRRoR said:

Nope, never had a friend like that. I don't even think I'd want to be associated with anyone like that.

There's nothing wrong with not knowing something or not being able to understand other cultures as long as you're open to learn more about them and don't pass judgement on what you don't know.

It's not just Americans who can be rude or ignorant, trust me.

JoweeCoco said:

No, it's just that they're world-leaders in the field and we're all playing catch up.

Faux said:

Touché.

Yes...I have had this experience. Generally, it is when you first are developing a relationship though. Growing up in an all white (ok, there was one other Black family) community, I think most of my school mates had preconceived notions. "Yes, my parents are married and still together", "Your dad's does what ???". I come from not a wealthy upbringing, but rather very comfortable one. I always thought is was funny the first time I brought a friend over to my house. There eyes were as big as saucers . Either they tried to act like they had no reaction at all, or they would be like "oh my gosh, you're rich". So then I always got, but your not realllly Black, you know, like other Black ppl. Wtf ??? Come to think of it, after 13 years of having only White friends (no other choice ), I have really haven't had a White friend since. It was just too much work trying to educate/inform . It just easier to be friends of my own race.

Faux said:

Sadly, I agree...

Oh and for the previous quote, yeah I'm really open to learning about other cultures.I'm not one to pass judgment on someone over their culture. I'm more curious than critical,which made the things this girl said to me hurt even more. I was fascinated by the stories she told and yet she acted like I was this dumb heathen who cared nothing for anything outside of American borders and who would corrupt her if she didn't teach me to understand (or rather force me to become) Bolivian people. I never said one rude thing to her about her culture, and certainly I never intended to. I don't know what her problem is really. It's more about the financial class thing I think. She really looks down on me for that.In Bolivia her family basically owns the place and everyone works for them or starves, so they're ridiculously wealthy. When she came here, she still managed to be upper-middle class because of all her mother took with her from the family's fortune, so she thinks everyone in America is like that and I'm just not good at managing my money. The reality is my parents can hardly afford to feed themselves, let alone buy me fancy clothes and send me to fancy restaurants every night.

I'm unemployed, AGAIN, and currently making about $50/week donating plasma, which is enough to feed me and my doggies while I'm in college and it's nice to know I'm helping people too. I'm basically homeless except that I got really lucky being allowed to stay (secretly at least) with my boyfriend, whose parents used all their savings to buy a house up here for him to live in so they wouldn't have to pay rent, and they take care of the expenses for him. I got sooooo lucky and I know it won't last and I certainly don't get cocky about it, but the minute this girl saw the house, full of old wood furniture (left to my boyfriend by dead relatives who'd saved all their lives to buy it) and Persian carpets (only bought because they were found very cheap and were the same price as regular carpets so why not?), she said "see? You're not as poor as you say you are. Why do you act like that? You live in a nice house; that means you're not poor." What she doesn't understand is when I say I have $3 in my pocket that does not mean I need to run to the ATM; that means I have $3 and that's all. But people have it much worse and I wish I could help; at least I won't FEEL BAD every time I help now...

Actually a few weeks ago I was convincing her to lower herself to buy a pair of plain blue jeans because she wanted to go with me to a muddy cow and horse-filled fair that I'd planned to visit (apparently it turned out the reason she wanted to go so bad was because she thought white people are so stupid she could just take one of the horses and they wouldn't notice, so she could show me how to be refined and properly ride a horse). She was complaining the whole way to the stores and still would only buy a pair of jeans that was over $50 because they "weren't quality" or "looked stupid" otherwise. On the way to one of her favorite stores she saw a hippie sitting on the sidewalk with a can of change and a cute little dog, and the girl asked me if I had any change because she was trying to spell LOVE on the sidewalk. You could clearly see she was collecting for the blood drive because she had a sticker on her skirt and a sign behind her, but of course this "friend" of mine who was too good to even look at the girl just said right in front of her, as I was reaching into my pocket for change, "oh my God I HATE it when people do that.This country has so much; I can't believe people would even act like that. If they'd just get a job they wouldn't be homeless; what's simpler than that?" If my boyfriend hadn't grabbed me and dragged me away at that moment I would have beaten her up right there. See? Days like that have been getting more and more frequent with her. Thank God there'll be no more of those days...

girlygirl said:

This really is taking the piss

girlygirl said:

In some ways that's disturbingly true. I'd rather it wasn't, though.

REDFEATHERS said:

You can roll your eyes until they fall out of your head. It won't change the reality that a pervasively racist society forced her to this conclusion. Stick your head in the sand if you must, but don't presume to judge another person's experience when you have little to no knowledge of it.

FunkMistress said:

Excuse me???

and who are you to say what experience I have???

FunkMistress said:

Thank You FunkMistress !!! Trust me, all I knew from K-12 was having friends of a different ethnicity than myself, there were no other Af-am. Unless you are able to say that you have lived that experience, you cannot judge or even relate.

girlygirl said:

It happens the other way too. I come from a mostly white area, but I spent the first two years of college in a mostly African American school and they hated me. As a matter of fact, even now at University Park when I sit down on the bus everyone who isn't white moves away and looks annoyed. And I swear to you I have never said a word or felt one little twinge of dislike for anyone because of race. I don't even think about it.

girlygirl said:

That's really sad

Is USA really that f'd up?

wasitgood4u said:

YES

hIsMiRRoR said:

I am sorry to here that. Trust me I know how it feels. But, it is not that I don't like ppl who are not Af-Am, it that the ppl that I choose to spend quality time with, share with, are Af-Am. Even though we all come from different background, socio-economic status, etc, there is a unspoken bond that ties us. It is something that doesn't have to be explained.

hIsMiRRoR said:

Ditto, and this is in "liberal" California.

girlygirl said:

Guess I am just lucky that I have real friends and I can mix with all kinds of races, ethnics.. and I dont have a problem with that..

I dont judge people by their skin colour, where they are from or how much money they have or dont have.
[Edited 11/5/04 1:59am]

I don't have friends like that, and I try to avoid these people as much as I can.

girlygirl said:

Where are you from? I thought the city I lived in was pretty isolated racially (about 85% white people) but to only know one other non-white family?



Wow.

meow85 said:

You'd be surprised to find out how racially segregated American suburbia really is.

EDIT: ...and I was born and raised in the "Holy Grail of U.S. liberalism" -- California.

.
[Edited 11/6/04 23:55pm]