So I was thinking today about friendships and how they all start and I realized I can really only remember actively attempting to start a friendship with 2 people in my entire life. Not that I haven't had lots of friends (cause I've always been lucky in that area), but somehow I just seem to fall into them. I'm almost never the one who initiates the friendship, partly cause I'm shy, so it's usually by someone talking to me first, or I just sort of acquire new friends by default. You know, the friend of friends transitive property kind of thing. The 2 people I remember actively pursuing as friends were my very first boyfriend in high school (we were best friends first) and a girl I met when I moved to another city for a brief period. It's almost like starting a new relationship. Deciding to call them for coffee, or invite them to hang out...
So how do you make friends? Do you initiate? Do you wait for people to approach you?

I usually am the pursuer in the friendship. Just works out that way much of the time...

Natisse said:

oh, me too definitely. And in some cases, closer than my family. My friends are my family, really.

Case said:

We still need to hang out.

CarrieMpls said:

exactly!! I'm so glad you get that, Carrie!

Funny you should mention that.....

All I have spoke of this week was the lessons I have learned on the issue of friends of late.... Although last weekend was largely a party weekend, I did watch intensely how you as a core friendship group act, I was inspired!
I have friends all over the world. I will extend myself to them more so then those in my own backyard. There are probably many reasons for this. I am extremely independent and self reliant. I also spend to much time traveling and here in Cali we are very spread out. City to city, it's just the way living here is. We live in a fast lane so to speak and that requires a lot of work hours to maintain the lifestyle. I have developed some powerful friendships here but you can get me to come when you are in need with one outcry yet if you try to get me to come out to a movie or coffee etc. You'd have better luck getting hit by a car.... I have some persistent friends or I would have none.
What I saw in the Minneapolis group that I am going to change in my life was a day to day deep connection. I mean they call each other to share how they just had a fart that shook the building. ( I would have let that call ring through saying I'll catch it later and missed a great laugh) They had many such moments. I think I am lacking in true intimacy.
I think I started living life somewhere along the line as if it were tomorrow. Always "I am going to rather then doing it today. My goal for the next year is not to be home. To get up and get out ... soon enough it will be a natural thing. I have started with silly things like answering the phone. I suppose I get so much interaction in my job environment I forgot to take the time to develop more satisfying deep water relations...

Thanks for the life lesson

CarrieMpls said:

I've had the same thing happen. I rarely see my two brothers or my sister, yet I see my wife's brother quite often and have great times hanging out and stuff to the point where I'm closer to him than my own family. It's kinda weird, actually.

Case said:

Well, people usually find me and are actually intrigued.

I usually just let it happen on it's own (naturally) you just know when ya click with somebody.

PurplePassion65 said:

That's how it happens with me too.

Natisse said:

I buy them wholesale.

You have to build them yourself, but it makes for great conversation.

lollyp0p said:

right back atcha gorgeous

I am a private person.. and rather shy.

People naturally gravitate towards me.. They say they feel safe....

I feel comfortable with those that I know..

But I absolutely love to learn from others.. and I am not afraid to approach someone, or comment, or compliment a complete stranger.

Good grief my bestest girlfriend has been in my life since we were 5 years old.. my goodness that is a long friendship...

it just happens for me.

sag10 said:

And, you're just a big ole' sweetheart!

I'm a private, shy person, too. I don't much go in search of friendships... they just happen. I'm not one to trust another too easily, so it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable to bring someone close in my life.

Friendship is a strange thing. Sometimes you pursue a friendship and nothing ever comes from it because it is just not to be. Other times you do not put anything into someone at all and you get the world.

I could never be anyone's friend until I knew of most my strengths and weaknesses. Ever since I have friends that I know will last our lifetimes.

In my case I find that just being myself is just enough. People either like me or don't, but strangely the people that become my friends are the people that are open. Open enough to prick through my carefully constructed layers.

When younger I kept my friends apart, but lately my layers have been faling and I love seeing my friends interact. I feel a party coming in.

Carrie? Party in April 2005? My place?

CarrieMpls said:

I usually just drop trou and hold my wallet open. I figure one or the other'll do the trick.

Ace said:

lol

sag10 said:

Same here. But Im really not into making friends anymore.I make friends but I certainly dont keep them. Either they move and we stop speaking or I stop supporting their broke asses and they stop talking to me. Friendships are very important but they never last with me. Here recently a good friend stopped talking to me because I spent to much time with my boyfriend. Hmmm...shame on me for wanting to be with my man after him being away for a year dealing with the war on Iraq. Dayum Me!

sag10 said:

I have something like that too. I am still very close with the girl who grew up across the street from me. We've been friends since I was 3 years old. At this point we're more like sisters than friends. We've been through periods of not getting along (though they were brief, and just in that little kid kinda way) and periods of ultra closeness and periods where we didn't talk for months at a time, but we always know that we will always be there for each other. I even got to be her maid of honor last year.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I'm not sure I'd mark a good friendship by someone calling to tell you about their flatulence.

But, I know what you mean. If nothing else, you're obviously quite capable of such intimacy with friends, I definitely learned that about you.

GooeyTheHamster said:

I'm gonna do my damndest to be there.

I suck at initiating friendships. They usually just happen. I don't have tons of friends, but the ones I do have are very, very dear to me.

I would like to be better about making new friends, actually, even if they are more social than friends-forever-soulmates sorts. I've been trying to get out and meet people. It has been rewarding. 'Specially the org invasion.

I have no friends!

CarrieMpls said:

I have friends like that too...
My friend, Eric, and I were born a month apart and we learned to walk together...I'm going to his wedding next month
My friends Amy and Jennifer and I have been friends since we were nine

althom said:

I mean,

tackam said:

I've learned that the majority of my friends I pick up by that transitive property thing. I've somehow stumbled into a big enough group of friends that every time someone else meets someone cool they get brought round at some point to meet everyone else. You guys even got to see that some of our friends just couldn't stay away from a good time and had to tag along to some of the org invasion stuff.
I've only got a handful of the soul-mate kinda friends (if that, really... ) but the rest are more than the casual, see you at the club kinda folks too. I don't know how we did it. And yet, all of us are of the persuasion that we can't wait to meet more new people too. Pretty soon, we'll know the whole world.

I buy mine on eBay


I'm very shy, so I usually make friends with people I work with, or people I meet through friends.