During a visit in the US, the Pope turned to his limo driver and said:
"I've been a pope for many years now, and it has been a long time since I last drove a car. Mind switching places and let me drive in the freeway?"
The driver, of course, could not refuse and switched places with him.
The pope started driving, speeding more and more, going to 90, 100, even 120, until a cope stopped him for speeding.
Seeing who was in the car, he called his superior to tell him about it.
Chief: "who did you say you stopped? is it the mayor?"
Cop: "No, someone more important"
Chief: "Is it the governer?"
Cop: "nope, more important than him"
Chief: "I can't believe this, you stopped the president??!"
Cop: "nope, more important than him"
Chief: "You're starting to annoy me. who is more important than the president?!"
Cop: "I don't know who he is, but his driver is the Pope"

Heavenly said:

and?

Last day of school, everybody wants to go home and start their vacation.
The teacher turns to the kids and says "I'm going to ask a few questions, the first to answer each question can go home early.
Ronny, one of the kids, said to himself "Great! I'm the smartest one here, So I'll be going home soon"
Teacher: "Who said 'four scores and seven years ago'...?"
Naomi jumps and says "Abraham Lincolm!"
Teacher says "Good answer, you can go home now"
Ronny gets a little angry for now answering first...
Teacher "who said 'I have a vision'..?"
Before Ronny can answer Alice jumps and says "Martin Luther King!"
"Good answer, you may go home, Alice" says the teacher.
Ronny starts getting all red from anger.
"Who said 'Don't ask what your country can do for you'...?"
Ronny wants to answer but Merry jumps ahead of him and says "John Kennedy!"
Teacher: "Good Merry, you can go home now"
Ronny is really angry now.
The teacher turns to the board to write something and Ronny mumbles "I wish those bitches would shut up already!"
Teacher turns and asks "Who said that?!"
Ronny: "Bill Clinton!! Can I go home now?"

Heavenly said:

An old Jewish man dies one day and goes to Heaven.
God blesses him and asks "Tell me, David, are you hungry?"
David answers "Yes, I sure am"

God comes back after 5 minutes with Tuna and bread and they start eating, while watching down to Hell, where David sees everyone there eating steaks, lobsters, fries, pies and drinking wine.

Next day God brings again, Tuna and bread and they watch the people in hell eating caviar, lamb, chocolates and drinking champagne.
Well, since it's God, David decides not to ask question.

But third day comes, and God bring Tuna and bread again. So David turns to God and asks "Tell me, my lord, how come the people in Hell are all eating steaks, caviars, pies and drinking wine, while we only eat tuna and bread?"

God answers "Well, to be honest, it's just not worth it to cook for just two people".

I went to the doctors today..he told me to say 'ahhh....I asked why....he said 'My dogs died'.

drgoldsmoke said:

And what? That was the end of the joke. U'r not very good at this are ya?

I liked it mucho, thanks.
[Edited 10/22/04 6:07am]