Memo From Human Resources: Swearing at Work
Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No f_____ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my f_____ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Human Resources

TheFrog said:

Exactly. If you wanna tell someone to fuck off, try the following:



"FUCK OFF"

.....Works for me!

OMG my bosses swear the worst!

I promise I never knew a swear word until I came to work..

What a load of old Bollocks!

Let's have a round of applause for swearing, cos it is GREAT!

The Perfect Quiz
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman
met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect
wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple
was driving their perfect car along a winding road,
when they noticed someone at the side of the road in
distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to
help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of
toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the
eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and
his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving
along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving
conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and
Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor ?????

(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)











































Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one
who really existed in the first place.
Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no
such thing as a perfect man.
Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
Men keep scrolling.


















So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus the
woman must have been driving.
This explains why there was a car accident.


Men keep scrolling







































By the way, if you're a woman and you're still
reading, this illustrates another point: Women never
listen.

TheFrog said:

wait right there, i'll be right back

Juice said:

Juice said:

:jerkoff:

Surfing porn are we???

i looooove this. i have been known to drop the F bomb

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are members of the peach family.

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

The maximum weight for a golf ball is 1.62 oz.

Charlie Brown's father was a barber.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously

Of the six men who made up the Three Stooges, three of them were real brothers (Moe, Curly and Shemp.)

Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

In Mel Brooks' 'Silent Movie,' mime Marcel Marceau is the only person who has a speaking role.

Pulp Fiction cost $8 million to make - $5 million going to actor's salaries.

A full seven percent of the entire Irish barley crop goes to the production of Guinness beer.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Deborah Winger did the voice of E.T.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on watch is 10:10.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

Betsy Ross was born with a fully formed set of teeth.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

Bob Dylan's real name is Robert Zimmerman.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The
frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's
mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's
contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.

Charles de Gaulle's final words were, "It hurts."

ABBA got their name by taking the first letter from each of their first names (Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-frid.)

The Beatles song "Dear Prudence" was written about Mia Farrow's sister, Prudence, when she wouldn't come out and play with Mia and the Beatles at a religious retreat in India.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? It's Paul Reiser himself..

Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano for the theme song of
Fraiser.

The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8
miles away.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.

Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

Hugh "Ward Cleaver" Beaumont was an ordained minister.

John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

The average garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.

Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue living.

Dartboards are made out of horsehairs.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.

Virgina Woolf wrote all her books standing.

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

The only planet without a ring is earth.

Wayne's World was filmed in two weeks.

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

Juice said:

where do you find all this inaccurate shit?

TheFrog said:

fuck there's no pleasing some people....



Im going 4 a and a



C y'all in 8 mins

Juice said:

make sure you light the right thing.

TheFrog said:

Am i not correct in thinking that the Speaker is the loudest fucker in there?!

RocknRollDave said:

Yeah....And the loudest speaker we ever had was a Woman!!!

Steadwood said:

How true!

Juice said:

Frog! I never knew!


TheFrog: the next Khan Noonien Signh

Steadwood said:

Betty Boothroyd was her name if I remember correctly.

ORDER! Would the right honourable gentleman stop sticking his tongue out at the Primeminister. Thankyou.

Lleena said:

She never said that!!

Lleena said:

Would the right honourable member for Barnsworth please put down that rentboy and pay attention. Thankyou.

magnificentsynthesizer667 said:

Yeah she did Magnificent!

She also said..Would the right honourable gentleman in the stockings stop winking at the right honourable gentleman in the tutu.

bkw said:

!!!!

Lleena said:

Come to think of it, you're right! I was at that orgy, I was the gentleman in the tutu.

magnificentsynthesizer667 said:

I was the gentleman in the stockings

Lleena said:

Where did learn those things?

Lleena said:

magnificentsynthesizer667 said:

Betty taught me the egg thing and the other stuff I read in a magazine at the dentists