I have recently been forced to end a friendship of 3 years with someone who is 20years older than me. Why?? Their drinking is out of control!!! This person is behind in bills, missing work, won't go to the Dr.(and has had 2 heart attacks), stumbling around drunk in public , talking stupid to people, etc. I am so against alcoholism because my own Mother was a drunk who ruined her nursing career. She could have been a Dr. I have not spoken to this person for 2 months and actually feel good. I am sick of people telling me I should be there to look out for him, but I have no one to look out for me. Any thoughts????

If they are serious about getting help, and they are good friends, sure you can stand by them. But they should not be dependent of you, especially if they don't wanna get any help. I say Good for You!

rachel3 said:

if you arnt looking out for yourself FIRST & always

no one else ever will anyway

i say

congrats and good for you

i have alcoholism in my family... sometimes tough love is the way to go

I needed that reassurance, although I am sticking to my guns, I needed to hear it from people who tell it straight. That's why I like it here so much!!!

3mta3 said:

Agreed.

If you have backed away and feel good about it then you have done the right thing. You can't help them, they have to do it for themselves with professional help. The best thing you can do is what you are doing now. And to those other people who are telling you to be a better friend and help this person out have never delt with someone who has alcoholism. So be strong and help yourself out.

I have a close family member, trying to quit. It's tough for them, but tough love is sometimes the only choice they leave us with.

I had to step back and quit telling them what to do, cause they weren't listening anyway. Eventually they're quitting on their own, but I think counseling and prayer are ultimately the only route to success in conquering alcoholism.

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[Edited 10/8/04 13:46pm]

VinaBlue said:

Co-agreed.

wow. i could have almost written that post. alcoholism has fucked with my family all my life, one way or another, and it continues to do so in little and big ways.

the only helpful thing i can say (which isn't really helpful come to think of it), is never stop loving the person who's having this problem. you can't force them to change (you can try, intervention style, you can get counseling for yourself to help deal with it, etc.) but bottom line is there's nothing anyone can do to 'make' an alcoholic stop drinking. if you really think the person in question is going to actually DIE from drinking, you can try the painful route of applying for guardianship by proving they're unable to take care of themselves and then force them into treatment but this still won't make them stop drinking if they aren't ready to stop

BUT you can keep loving that person and when they're ready to stop drinking you can be there for him/her. you can encourage them along the way, if it doesn't cost you too much of yourself. good luck