in all of our lives, are are sometimes taken off guard by events that happen to us. sometimes we know when these things are going to come, other times we have no idea.
you all have watched me go back and forth about my exhusband, and the times that we have had together, the ideas that maybe we would be together again someday, and the feelings i have that surround him today....

we were married on october the 11th, 1997..... at least we thought we were, until a paper mix-up changed that for us, then it was like our wedding never happened.... bittersweet, its like one of the most important decisions i made in life wasnt valid, nor did it count for anything other than a huge, VERY expensive party. all the same, i began to look at it as a very inexpensive and easy divorce... HE on the other hand, was not too thrilled when he found out about 3 months ago that we were never truely married. in his words, he felt cheated twice now, once by me for leaving, the other by not actually being married in the first place. he had requested several times that i go and find out the actual answer for us once and for all.....

when i asked him what we would do if we found out if indeed we had been married, his answer was, 'lets not talk about it now, lets wait and find out the answer first.' i pushed him, because, thats what i do - he answered me with, ' i will not divorce you, thats not what i ever wanted to begin with '

since about 4-5 years ago, i have lived life as if i never was married to begin with, and feeling a new lease on life.. not really looking back as to what my past had done to me, and the ways it had changed me. in fact i went back to using my name, and carried on with life as if that day never happened to begin with... my family and friends laughs about the things i get into in life anyway, so it seemed just another chapter in my life.

today i was talking to the district court offices, just to be sure of the things that i thought were right, and i was lead all over the place in different phone numbers, go here, check that, call them, blah blah blah....

the capital didnt have records of it.... the county i married in didnt have records of it.. so, im all in the clear, right ? no, you must get all of your papers about your wedding day from the county you originally got the marriage licence from, not the one you were married in. i had one more phone call to get to that paper that says i was never married to begin with.

well, you have probably guessed it by now, i gave her his name, she said, thats JR right ??? i said HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ?? my heart racing, because i knew the answer, she said yes, and your name is **** ?? i said, yes, she said, yup, you were married on october the 11th, 1997.... its right here. the papers were filled out and returned by our minister on the 15th of october.

wow, so, the first thing i did was break out in tears... and i cried for quite a while.

then i talked to a friend.. and got calmed down...

now, i am stumbling around trying to figure out who i am again.

see, i have been using MY name, not his, though, i never changed it back... the apartment i have is in my old name, i have a drivers lic in my old name, papers filled with the state/government in my old name, car title, registration, anything you sign your name on.... its in my old name !! i think my name is actually my married name if that makes any sense.

more importantly than that.... this man that i have been talking about so much, and thinking about all the time, the dreams i have been having.... he is actually MY HUSBAND !! and i am a married woman !!

wow, thats a lot to let sink in in just such a short amount of time

im gonna have some drinks.. and let this all set in, hopefully i will find a way to tell him that we are infact STILL and always were.... MARRIED !!!!!

wow.

wow.

wow.

i don't quite know what else to say...congradulations??? if thats what you want...

i'll have a drink with ya...

lillith said:

thanks girl, im blown away..... i dont know what to say or do

certainly is a lot to take in...

if this is the man you want to be with though then i guess God works in mysterious ways...it would just be difficult to realize that everything you have believed for the past 5 years was wrong.

good luck to you.

OMG!!!!!
I think congratulations are in order?

Moley Hoses.... say whuuuuut???

Holy cow, that sounds incredible. Catch me up - do you want to be with this guy?

Sounds like things might've worked out?

You're doing good so far I think with writing about it-that always helps me in collecting my thoughts when I'm really stressed out or not sure exactly how to say something.

Hang in there and I hope the talk goes well!

Does this little paper change who you are or what has happened in the past 7 years? Does it make him a better person, a better father?

Wow, I'm speechless. That IS truly a life changing news.


But, don't drink, that'll probably only lead you to wrong thinking.
Sit down with a friend instead, or just lay down and think for a while what you really want to happen next. plan your next step.

thanks guys... yes, its a lot to think about, thats for sure

just blows my mind....

this morning i was fine, now, im a married woman

nakedpianoplayer said:

That means maybe I;ll wake up one morning and find out I'm a millionaire

Heavenly said:

hey, i guess it could happen

lifes fulla surprises

Wow

i am really trying to work up the way to tell him that we are still married - any ideas ???

i kinda wanna do it in person so i can see his face - that way, i will know just how he feels

but, i imagine i can tell over the phone too, i know him well enough to know by the tones of his voice.....

i still cant freakin believe this

Forgive me if this is insensitive, but it's an honest question.

Why is the paperwork so important? Married on paper or not, isn't it the feelings that really matter?

tackam said:

thats exactly it, i have been having the feelings now for about 5 months.... i miss him terribly...

but when we are talking, its like we are starting over.... not finding out that we have been married for the past 8 years..

its one thing to think of being with him...
but, its another thing to find out that you are married...

i cant explain it, it just is... i hope that makes sense.

tackam said:

nakedpianoplayer said:

It does make sense.

I don't know. I used to have a really, "who gives a damn about marriage, it's just a piece of paper" attitute towards the whole thing. Part of me (a LOT of me) still really feels that way, but another part of me decided to get engaged recently, both out of recognition of the social recognition that comes from marriage and because my heart was pulling me that way.

THAT part of me gets why it's a big deal.

But if I were in your shoes, I would be trying really, really hard to listen to that first part of me that says it's just paper.