People always use the line "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

I'm in a situation right now where I am so in love with my boyfriend and its serious, but I dont think that I love him. Its like there's something missing that I've felt in past relationships but not this one.

My question is, is it possible to be in love with someone but not love them?

BlueEyedAngel said:

You just said you're in a situation like that, so I'd say yes, it's possible.

Sure, I love a lot of people, but being in love is a totally different thing. More intense.

It sounds to me like you're "infautated" with him. You really like him and all, just don't know him well enough to love him completely and unconditionally.
[Edited 9/22/04 16:16pm]

Ok love is a whole different level. My boyfriend didn't use the "love word" intell he really felt it and meant it. I mean it's such a strong word. It kind of sucked when I told him I loved him and he didn't say anything back. lol But i didn't trip on it.

BlueEyedAngel said:

The fact that you love your boyfriend, but "something is missing" in this relationship in comparison with past (repeat, past) relationships does not mean you are not in love with your boyfriend. It just means the vibe is different. Sure, it's possible to be "in love" with someone without having the complete, healthy mutual love that is needed for successful relationships. Happens all the time. But I would ask u 2 ride this situation out before I come to a conclusion on that. It appears you know what you want, the only issue is whether it fully materializes for you in this relationship.

Heck, what do I know? But that's my best guess.

heres my best guess.. when you love someone, you love them in different ways... you love your parents right ? but, not like you love your best friends ?? not even the way you love your children ? definately you dont love your kids the same as you love your husband or wife...

i think it is more than possible to love someone - that means, have extreme care towards them... you care about their wellbeing, and their safety, even their success in life in work, love, health, or anything else that happens to them... you love them like, you would stand up for them in a second.. but, not romantic love.

romantic love is something that you share only with the one that you are "in love" with. in my eyes, you must first love someone, before you can fall in love, or maybe its the other way around, it doesnt matter, the end result is that you are either missing that final key that puts it all in perspective.... or you have it. when that certain something is missing, to me, that just means you havent found the right one yet...

someone here said one time something to the effect of...

love is just that, it doesnt need to be worked on to make it happen.... it just happens...


and that has stuck with me - i hear it in my head all to damn often - good luck, matters of the heart are sticky... but, go with your gut, it usually can tell you what your head and your heart cant seem to get you to understand.

hope that helps

I think the opposite is usually the case: you usually love someone without BEING IN love with them.

And that hurts so fucking bad...

Case said:

yep

Not to disrespect your thread; but....

That line always reminds me of something a comedianne once said.

Her boyfriend told her 'I love you..but I'm not IN love with you'. So she responded during sex: 'I want you..but I don't want you INSIDE me'.





Anyway...follow your heart. I hope everything works out for you. And remember:

"Love cannot be found where it doesn't exisit; nor can it hide from where it truly does"

It looks like your indifferent about him perhaps. If you are indifferent to someone, you make no emotional investment at all. With no emotions invested, I don't think you can truly love someone. Although with no emotion invested, you have a useful tool ib being impartial. It's kind of like a form of Stoicism. If you become too attached to people or things, you're setting yourself up for trouble. By being indifferent to circumstances can be a good thing, especially when circumstances are bad.

I guess in this case it is possible to be in love with someone but not love them. It's not being callous on your part or lacking compassion. It is that you just have the ability not to take events too personally, even when they seem to be implicating your person. It's like what you might describe as being cool under fire. In this case, by being indifferent to him prevents you having a negative attachment to him.

However, indifference also means you can't experience true pleasure from a positive attachment to him. If you go through life trying to be indifferent to people and things in order to stop you being hurt or whatever, you will be depriving yourself of engagement and enjoyment. It would be like going to a Prince show where everyone is having a great time, laughing, singing and dancing, but you are unable to relate to any of them.

I do think to some extent therefore you can be in love with someone but not love them. Same as you can experience happiness without momentary gratification and sadness without lingering sorrow. You can relate to others and engage with life as lovingly as possible, yet at the same time you can also cultivatea detachment that allows you to get off that emotional roller coaster that most others are riding all the time.

But to do this, you have to get over the idea that the universal human concern is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Also therefore, you have to get beyond the idea of the conception of love as merely gratifying attachment.

As I see it, love changes. I have been with the same man 12 years now, and I do love him but it isn't same kind of love anymore as it was in the beginning. It would be quite exhausting to love someone like that over 12 years.

I know that my husband loves me more than I love him, but I respect him and I would never do anything to harm him or/and our boys.

You can love someone and appreciate them and care about them, but not be attracted to them in the sense of you want a romantic relationship.

If that's not the case maybe you're just over analyzing things? If you're not happy, look into ti and see if there's anything you two could work on, but if not-life goes on.

Could you be unhappy because you're getting what you want? There's so many factors that can play into someone being unhappy-hopefully it's simple.

Good luck!



(Love is innocent, unless the penguin is underage.)