Someone here once asked me what goes on inside my mind.....That they did not know why I act like I do here and behind the scenes speak to them and everyone else completely different. Well the reason is I act this way for my amusement.....It entertains me. But to show Im a good sport and you want to see me be more myself here (which I am just amplified a bit) While bored at work I wrote down what I was thinking about tonight. I don't put personal info out for the org to see, but none of this is what I consider personal just what I was thinking about tonight. I don't usually write my thoughts down..... I don't really have to so I never did a diary, but for you I did so here it is....Serious me


I lack sufficent motivation right now. I have gotten progressively worse when it comes to getting things done or doing things...I have also almost completely isolated myself from everyone but a few. Why? One reason is I can't stand people....I tolerate them but that is about as nice as it gets. So I choose to avoid them to steer from irritation. But that irritation happens maybe 10% of the time and to honest I don't bother to think of people. I don't think of their likes, wants, or anything. Other than the fact you may be standing next to me, you are a fellow human being, or that you just exist I don't think about you. You could be a tree stump for all I care....It's really a bit alien when I think about it but my mind does not work like everyone elses. There are others out there like me....who see the world as I do and it's not a philosophy I speak of it's just how you are. People like me were born intuitive and observant and circumstances in life has forged our outlook on dealing with people.


Im not motivated to go play ball anymore....and even when I do play I get any joy or satisfaction from winning or dissapointment from losing....I only care if my performance was good or not but the end result doesn't matter. Not to say im only concerned with my stats, but I mean if I have played the best I can and did the best I could have to help us win Im not affected by the win or the loss just my contribution. Im bored when I play...I play to become as good as I can be and then move to the next thing. Like I said I get no joy from it or satisfaction...I recently know now why I do these things. It amuses me. It occupies my mind and entertains me in a way TV and movies do other people. So I do this to amuse myself cause other than a cartoons and some comedies Im not amused easily. Everything else is to waste time till the next amusing and entertaining activity. It makes me smile to know that I have not done something as long or is a dedicated as others, but I am still able to make myself good enough to challenge the best, and even win depending on if I choose to really go after them. This applies to so many other things as well..... im very strange.

I have also learned that money is the key to my being happy. I just realized this....I have all the tools already sharpened mind, body and soul....and all that is left is to keep improving and growing but im not lacking in those areas. But finacially I am lacking big time but who isn't...I have some ideas I plan on doing to get me enough money to not work, travel, and most importantly money helps me avoid unnessecary contact with people and that in turn will improve my happiness. No more dealing with co-workers, or racing to get somewhere on time or get home cause you've had a long day. No I can enjoy life in the slow lane and soak up the world as we are meant too. Bills are paid and food is on the table. But that is a ways away for me unfortunately but I know the secret to my personal happiness now. Now lies the plan to reach the goal.


See serious....real thoughts from tonight.... no made up stories...but that is all you get!

umm...wait a minute...
[Edited 9/21/04 20:34pm]

MrJoker said:

This serious stuff makes me queasy....how do people here do it

sinister said:

Just gotta get into that serious mind frame.
Sometimes that's tough for me to do.

you don't like people, yet you come here to the org where there are nothing but people?? or is it cuz we're online that it's ok?

hmmm, the rest of it doesn't seem like the sinister i've talked to in orgnotes. i'm just glad this isn't all there is to you . . .

you're still ok in my book!



(sorry, was that flirting?? this is the only face you get--> )

fantasyislander said:

Thank you for following the no flirting rule.... And I think I come here because it entertains me and your right I don't have to interact with you mofo's in person

Natisse said:

I know sweetie and thank you That was a reaaaly good dream btw....see you later tonight again (wink wink)

sinister said:

did you just call me a mofo!?!?!?!

that's it boy! it's on!!









apologize. please. that hurt my feelings.

fantasyislander said:

Im sorry.... I meant I don't have to interact with you "Nice lovely people" Im sooo sincere when I say this...

No seriously Its not that I dislike people just STUPID people and they outnumber the smart so I try to avoid them as best I can.

sinister said:

ok, so are you calling me stupid?? or am i one of the few smart people you get to deal with?


hmmm?? think long before you answer boy!!!





(chocolate boy wonder! )

fantasyislander said:

NOW im calling you a bumpkin....

sinister said:

OK see you then

sinister said:

haven't we been over this already??
























I AM NOT A BUMPKIN!!!!!

fantasyislander said:

Ohhh nice of you to show up again....I know what you were doing you know....im not blind....and you KNOW what im talking about!

Annnnnd only a bumpkin would use a blunt object like a chair to hit me when gun emoticons are available.....

sinister said:

what do you think i was doing?? talking to someone??? someone you're jealous of??

and i only hit you with a chair because i don't like guns. and it's the only violent emoticon i have memorized and i think it's the funniest.

but . . . if you insist . . . . .

































happy now city boy??

fantasyislander said:

So you were talking to him!!!! See org people and lurkers reading this....I was replaced by Fantasy a while ago.....it still cuts like a knife.....(but it feels soooo right! sorry I like that song...)

sinister said:

sorry sweety. but you were never mine to replace. and i was just talking to a friend.



yeah, just a friend.



seriously, we're just friends.

fantasyislander said:

What do you mean I wasn't yours.....you had me at hello!

sinister said:

but remember, you got natisse now! and i think AGCM said she'd be yours too. and we all love you here. (just not in that way . . . )

fantasyislander said:

I want to be loved in that way.....your pity shames me and my honor! Good day sir!----->

sinister said:

i said good day!