It's been about a yaer an a half since it ended and yet I feel the same way about her as I did when we were together. Not only my love in undying, it is also unconditional. Because I know we'll never be together, and yet I'd do anything to make sure she's safe and happy.
Problem is, I can't see myself with anyone else either, because my love for her lives inside me and is very much alive, and it won't be fair to anyone who'll be with me, that they are only filling in for her.
It took me 9 years to get over my first love, which was not even close to the strength of this love. so I'm thinking, if that's the case, I'll be 40 before I meet anyone else.

Has anyone ever had that problem? Loving someone so much that you could never let go, even when they're not around anymore?

I've never had the problem myself. But then, I never really let myself feel that way about anyone.

..and yes, it sucks. Even if I just want to be with a girl and never even had a relationship with her I can't really get over that and it takes me a long time before I can give another a chance. She doesn't even have to be interested in me. Kinda going through something like that right now, but oh well, that's life I guess.

Eventually I'll be fine, just hate the fact that it takes such a long time and hurts so bad.

yeah, but i kinda wear it like an old scar or something. it's still there, but my life has kind of grown around it and all i can really feel of it anymore is a little bump.

if that makes sense.

It's crazy. I've never felt like this in my entire life. It's like I cannot control my feelings, and it's driving me nuts.
I never let anyone in, always had a big wall and made sure not to get attached to anyone. Suddenly I meet her, and she is everything I ever wished for, so I decide to break down the walls for her, let her in, because I feel so safe with her, and now I'm left with nothing.
It's like getting a tour of Heaven, thinking this is where I'm moving into, then sneding you back to hell for the rest of your life, with the taste of Heaven carved in your memory.

this probably won't help much, but just try to keep in mind that the way you feel right now only represents today. you don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, or next week, or next month, or next year, or...

you could meet someone in three months, two weeks, five days, eleven hours and two minutes from now who will knock you SO off your feet that it'll make the person you miss now seem like small change. OR you may one day reunite with this special person. OR neither of the above will happen, and you'll find some other wonderful thing that will fill up your life.

i know it's NOW that has you all vexed and upset, but while you're busy being vexed and upset, just try to keep in mind that this wave of sadness will pass, most likely sooner than later.

Heavenly said:

I could write a book--no, a SERIES--on this topic.
[Edited 9/17/04 21:03pm]

Case said:

It's not the kind that repeats itself. this is a once in a lifetime feeling. No love that I have ever imagined or had in the past could even come close to anything like this one.
I would die for her., and that's not just a phrase. I'd give my life if I knew that would save hers. Even today, when I don't even hear from her anymore.

Heavenly said:

Let me rephrase. I could write a series....on just the one person.

Yes you may have undying love for her but the sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with a new love. So, stop feeling sad about it and move on. It doesn't matter how old you are. You have to move with reality, don't fight it. Those I've noticed who constantly experience the pangs of rejection, declare undying love and even propose marriage on the first date – over and over and over again when a relationship hasn't even really truly blossomed. Being a man aswell, I can imagine that a guy who can't get over someone is a really big turn-off. Even to the person they love. I've done it and it makes me feel rotten thinking about it.

Once you've stopped the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience Heavenly. I know it's not much conselation but it helps heal the pain. Think about why you broke up, and the reasons that made you ultimately so incompatible. By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a someone.

Do not compare your a new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form! Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her, and appreciate them all the more. You're a good guy Heavenly so the quicker you get out there and find someone else the better! Now get to it!!

It gets better Heveanly and we start to look ahead

Listen, I loved someone so much that when it ended... i was in my bedroom for 6 months...rarely ate, rarely slept. stayed with the lights off.. i fell so deep into myself that i had a breakdown over it. what snapped me out of it, is that deep inside i knew she didnt even care. so i had to snap out of it, but during that time, i had poisoned my body to the point of being hospitalized.

There's a very thin line between love and losing your mind, im not saying you're crazy, im saying is, its like losing a part of you that u can never ever have back.you have to look at it this way she has moved on,regardless and you have to basically suck it up take it and be strong and move forward, no one can do that but you.

it's comforting knowin that i'm not alone it's only been 6 months....but it doesn't seem to be gettin better...yet

I'm in a situation like that now. It's like feel it's coming 2 an end real soon. I'm so mad at this person it's causing me 2 break up with him. All we do is fight. The threatening phone calls, hanging up on each other, cuzing at each other, name calling, controling personality.
The next day it's like "awww baby I love u." lol I feel its over, but deep inside I feel it's not.

Well, I know it's MY problem. and that only I can get myself out of the misery that I'm feeling.
But damn, I love this woman more than anything. It's the feeling of home that I feel with her. I feel like this is where I should be. I've never felt in my entire life, no matter where I've been, as perfect as I felt with her. as if it is my home, the place I feel safe.
Of all the people that I've met in my entire life, she is the only one I really felt could be with me and understand me. The only one that just being next to her made me feel safe, loved, and appreciated.

I used to feel like that, but time goes on.

You can either drive yourself crazy wishing or go for it or just know that things that don't work out now don't mean they won't work out in the end. It's all in just letting things happen as they happen. If you dwell too much, you're only gonna feel worse.

My new girl though is the best I've ever had:

Heavenly said:

Forgive me as I may know too much.... yet none the less it is a question posed that I can relate to a bit and have some understanding needed....

Is it more a fantasy then a reality? As from the standpoint an extremely limited amount of real time has been involved.... Then do we further it into an unreal truth in our minds. The one person I would point to as the one that got away.... The one that I fit with best also is one to whom my intimate contact was drastically limited. I suspect that had I had more time with Sir Dean I may not have it so built up in my mind as ideal.

It's just a theory....but I lean to it being one that has much merit....

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

To tell you the truth, I have no answer to that. No one can know what the future will bring.
But my heart, mind and body felt that there is no deeper love than this one.
It was not about sex, it was not about passion. it was about feeling comfortable with her.
My life is unogranized. meaning I'm free to choose whatever path I feel right with. So I could easily fit myself in her enviroment and feel comfortable there.
But who am I kidding? She let go. she's gone. Found another love. I know that long distance, and the fact that I was a foreigner in her country, has effected this greatly, that is also a reason why I feel it is unfair. that is also the reason I lost my mind and did stupid things, because I know myself, and I know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind into. So all of the problems of being together, to me were small 'fixable' ones.
Look at me, in one year, from being a sound engineer that does small jobs, or fills in for the head sound engineer, I became the head sound engineer, got great reviews, and now I even became the manager in the studios. Something that for other sound engineers take about 5-10 years to become head sound engineers. and that is only if there's a job available.
In my former job, I started as a sound engineer, and in one year, I turned into a director.
So basically I can cross any problem that comes along the way.
Another example would be the story with my brother. No one in the world would have imagined that we would succeed in freeing him from Egypt. No one has ever successfully escaped. No one has ever successfully kept their mind healthy. But we did it. My family, friends and I. This story was so talked about in Israel, had front headlines in Jerusalem, because we did the impossible. But this time, it was not up to me, so I lost this 'fight'.
I've never felt more alive than I did with her. When people who knew me, saw me while I was with her, they felt the change immidietly. I was practivally glowing with happiness. I even felt healthier.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Oh, and since you know the story. tell me now - who in their right mind would NOT love her, huh?

You don't have to stop loving her, you know?

I've never stopped loving anybody in my life. I think about all of the people I've ever loved all the time, and I miss the ones who aren't in my life anymore. It hurts, but then, I think I've learned to seperate the good feeling of loving and appreciating somebody from other feelings that might be associated with them. Cliche, I know, but better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all, methinks. Better to know that life is infused with something so glorious, even if it's too slippery to hang on to sometimes.

And sometimes. . .sometimes. . .people will find the way back to you. And I don't see anything wrong with hoping for that, as long as it doesn't cause your life to come to a screeching halt.


"Wheel"
J. Mayer

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along

And airports
See it all the time
With someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last,
To love her

And you can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing that seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you won't be the first
No you won't be the first
To love me

You can find me, if you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time
You will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Returned to me

Heavenly said:

yes