there has been a lot of threads started about loves that you dont get over, and if you can ever go back to the ones you had before.... i guess this is mine. october the 11th is comming close... and i felt the need to express a few things publicly about that day in MY history.

october the 11th was the day i wore all white, the day i vowed before friends and family to be with this man for the rest of my life, the day i carried nothing but flowers and a smile down an isle to find the man i loved so dearly down at the other end, the day i sent my son before me.. to carry our rings and to stand and wait for me with everyone else, the day i took one last breath before everyone stood up as i came around the corner, the day i promised to be there in good and in bad - in plenty and in want, and the day i looked into my futures eyes for the first time under a new light.

now, i know i have shared some of the issues of this relationship with a few of you here, and i would deeply appreciate it if you have any ill words on this relationship, you hold them to yourself... this is not the right time for that, its simply me expressing my feelings about that day in history and what it meant to me.

i looked up october the 11th on the computer .... seems a lot happened on that day in history...

October 11 Events in History


October 11, 1998 Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail LPGA Tournament
October 11, 1997 Dennis Rodman returns from 2nd longest NBA suspension (11 games)
October 11, 1996 Ford buys rights to named Detroit domed stadium for $40 million
October 11, 1995 John Bobbitt has plastic surgery to increase his penis 3 inches
October 11, 1995 O J Simpson cancels a TV appearance on Dateline
October 11, 1994 Russian ruble decreases to 3,926 rubles per dollar
October 11, 1994 Space shuttle STS-68 (Endeavour 7), lands
October 11, 1993 Norwegian Rushdie publisher William Nygaard injured in attack
October 11, 1993 US warship Harlan County anchors off Port-au-Prince Haiti
October 11, 1992 1st 3-way presidential debate (Bush-Clinton-Perot)
October 11, 1992 Deion Sanders, plays for Atlanta Falcons (NFL) & Braves (Baseball)
October 11, 1992 Toronto down 6-1 in 7th beats A's 7-6 in 11th in AL playoff
October 11, 1991 Anita Hill testifies Clarence Thomas sexually harrased her
October 11, 1991 Chip Beck ties PGA lowest 18 hole score of 59
October 11, 1991 Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart seen soliciting a prostitute
October 11, 1990 "Miser" opens at Circle in Sq Theater NYC for 93 performances
October 11, 1990 Center for Urban archaeology opens in NYC South Street Seaport Museum
October 11, 1990 Octavio Paz wins Nobel Prize for literature
October 11, 1990 Oil hits a record $40.42 per barrel
October 11, 1987 200,000 gays march for civil rights in Washington
October 11, 1986 Reagan & Gorbachev open talks at a summit in Reykjavik, Iceland
October 11, 1985 Atlantis returns to Kennedy Space Center via Kelly AFB
October 11, 1985 Pres Reagan bans importation of South African Krugerrands
October 11, 1985 US intercepts Egyptian Boeing with Achille Lauro terrorists
October 11, 1984 1st space walk by US woman (Dr Kathryn D Sullivan)
October 11, 1984 August Wilson's "Ma Rainey's Black Bottom," premieres in NYC
October 11, 1984 NASA launches space vehicle S-208
October 11, 1984 VP candidate debate-Graldine Ferraro (D) & George Bush (R)
October 11, 1983 Last hand-cranked telephones US went out of service as 440 telephone customers in Bryant Pond, Maine, were switched over to direct-dial
October 11, 1982 16th Country Music Assn Award: Willie Nelson & Ricky Skagg
October 11, 1982 English ship Mary Rose, which sank during an engagement with France in 1545, raised at Portsmouth, England
October 11, 1982 Riot in Amsterdam as tram catches fire
October 11, 1981 Expos beat Phillies, 3 games to 2, in NLCS
October 11, 1981 Hollis Stacy wins LPGA Inamori Golf Classic
October 11, 1981 LeRoy Irvin sets yards gained on punt returns record (207 yds)
October 11, 1981 Unknown rocker Prince opens for Rolling Stones at LA Coliseum
October 11, 1981 Yanks beat Brewers 7-3 & win only Eastern Championship Series
October 11, 1980 Cosmonauts Popov & Ryumin set space endurance record of 184 days
October 11, 1980 Dallas Mavericks 1st game at Reunion Arena beat San Antonio 103-92
October 11, 1980 USSR performs nuclear test at Novaya Zemlya USSR
October 11, 1979 "Most Happy Fella" opens at Majestic Theater NYC for 53 performances
October 11, 1979 German DR frees dissidents Rudolf Bahro & Nico Hubner
October 11, 1979 Allan McLeod Cormack & Godfrey Newbold Hounsfield win Nobel Prize for medicine for developing CAT scan
October 11, 1978 Aristides Royo elected president of Panama
October 11, 1978 Belgium government of Tindemans resigns
October 11, 1978 Dodgers Bob Welch dramatically strikes out Reggie Jackson in 9th
October 11, 1977 Soyuz 25 returns to Earth
October 11, 1976 10th Country Music Assn Award: Mel Tillis wins
October 11, 1976 Mao Tse-Tung's widow Jiang Qing & "Gang of Four," arrested & charged with plotting a coup
October 11, 1975 "Saturday Night Live" premieres with guest host George Carlin
October 11, 1975 Bill Clinton weds Hillary Rodham
October 11, 1975 Islander's Bryan Trottier's 1st career hat trick
October 11, 1975 Saturday Night Live premieres with George Carlin as host
October 11, 1974 A's Catfish Hunter charge owner Charlie Finley with breach of contract
October 11, 1973 Oakland beats Baltimore 3 games to 2 to win AL pennant
October 11, 1972 Panama adopts constitution
October 11, 1972 Prison uprising at Washington DC jail
October 11, 1972 Reads beat Pirates in NLCS
October 11, 1971 60th Davis Cup: USA beats Romania in Charlotte (3-2)
October 11, 1971 Brooks Robinson ties Series record, reaches base 5 straight times
October 11, 1971 Frank McGee becomes news anchor of Today Show
October 11, 1971 Switzerland recognizes North Vietnam
October 11, 1969 Rome: 2nd bishop synod
October 11, 1969 Blues artist Muddy Waters involved in a car crash that kills 3
October 11, 1969 Soyuz 6 launched; Soyuz 7 & 8 follow in next 2 days
October 11, 1968 Apollo 7 (Schirra, Eisele & Cunningham) made 163 orbits in 260 hours
October 11, 1968 Billy Martin named manager of Twins
October 11, 1968 Panama revolts
October 11, 1967 World Series record 3 consecutive HRs (Carl Yastremski, Reggie Smith, & Rico Petrocelli) by Red Sox
October 11, 1967 Yoko Plus Me art exhibit opens in London (the me is John Lennon)
October 11, 1964 Ruth Jessen wins LPGA Hillside House Ladies' Golf Open
October 11, 1962 1st appearance of a Gabor sister on Merv Griffin Show
October 11, 1962 2nd Vatican Council (21st ecumenical) convened by Pope John XXIII
October 11, 1961 USAF Major Robert M White takes X-15 to 66,100m
October 11, 1961 USSR performs nuclear test
October 11, 1960 Hurricane ravages East-Pakistan (6,000 die)
October 11, 1960 Radio-TV exec John Fetzer buys a controlling interest of Det Tigers
October 11, 1959 KTHI TV channel 11 in Fargo-Grand Forks, ND (NBC) begins broadcasting
October 11, 1958 "Goldilocks" opens at Lunt Fontanne Theater NYC for 161 performances
October 11, 1958 2nd US Moon probe, Pioneer 1, reaches 113,810 km, falls back
October 11, 1956 1st Pakistan v Australia Test 95 runs scored on 1st day
October 11, 1956 Great Britain performs nuclear test at Maralinga Australia
October 11, 1956 AL President Will Harridge bars Wash Senators move to West Coast, unless unanimously approved by the other AL owners
October 11, 1955 All Peron feast days disposed of in Argentina
October 11, 1955 Persia signs Pact of Baghdad
October 11, 1954 "On Your Toes" opens at 46th St Theater NYC for 64 performances
October 11, 1954 Pope Pius XII publishes encyclical Ad caeli Reginam
October 11, 1948 "Love Life" opens at 46th St Theater NYC for 252 performances
October 11, 1948 "Where's Chartev?" opens at St James Theater NYC for 792 performances
October 11, 1948 Cleve Indians beat Boston Braves, 4 games to 2 in 45th World Series
October 11, 1947 Brazil & Chile break diplomatic relations with USSR
October 11, 1945 Chinese civil war begins, Chiang Kai-Shek vs Mao Tse-Tung
October 11, 1945 JPL WAC Corporal Launch (1st Man-Made Object to escape Atmosphere)
October 11, 1944 Allies bomb sea wall at Veere
October 11, 1943 NY Yankees beat Cards 4 games to 1, in 40th World Series, to become 1st team to win 10 World Series
October 11, 1942 -Oct 12] Sea battle at Cape Esperance Guadalcanal
October 11, 1941 1st NSB-battalion departures to Eastern front
October 11, 1939 Albert Einstein informs Franklin D. Roosevelt of possibilities of atomic bomb
October 11, 1939 Bucky Harris signs to manage Washington again
October 11, 1939 Gertrude Lawrence's "Skylark," premieres in NYC
October 11, 1939 NAACP organized Legal Defense & Education Fund
October 11, 1936 "Professor Quiz," 1st radio quiz show premieres
October 11, 1932 1st political telecast (Democratic National Committee) at CBS, NYC
October 11, 1932 Stalin forces Zinoviev & Kamenev out of Communist Party
October 11, 1931 100,000 extreme-right Germans form "Harzburger Front"
October 11, 1929 Sean O'Casey's "Silver Tassle," premieres in London
October 11, 1927 Lou Gehrig named AL MVP (Babe Ruth (former winner) not eligible)
October 11, 1925 Belgian episcopelian sspeaks against Flemish activism
October 11, 1925 NY Giants play 1st NFL game, lose to Providence 14-0
October 11, 1923 Babe Ruth hits 2 HRs in a World Series game
October 11, 1923 German mark falls to 10 billion per œ, 4 billion per $
October 11, 1922 1st woman FBI "special investigator" appointed (Alaska Davidson)
October 11, 1922 Turkey & Greece sign cease fire
October 11, 1919 1st transcontinental air race ends
October 11, 1915 Bulgarian anti Serbian offensive begins
October 11, 1914 German troops occupy Gent
October 11, 1913 Phila A's beat NY Giants, 4 games to 1 in 10th World Series
October 11, 1911 Ty Cobb (AL) & Frank Schulte (NL) are 1st MVPs, each gets an auto
October 11, 1906 SF begins school for "Asians"
October 11, 1906 White Sox Ed Walsh strikes out then record 12 in a World Series game
October 11, 1902 8th US Golf Open: Laurie Auchterlonie shoots a 307 at Garden City NY
October 11, 1902 Commencement of 1st Test Cricket between South Africa & Australia
October 11, 1902 Lawrence Auchterlonie wins US Open golf tournament
October 11, 1899 South African Boers declare war on Great Britain
October 11, 1895 Emperor Menelik II of Addis Ababa draws against Italians
October 11, 1890 1st 100 yard dash under 10 seconds (John Owens 9-4/5 secs, Wash DC)
October 11, 1890 Daughters of American Revolution forms
October 11, 1887 A Miles patents elevator
October 11, 1881 David Houston patents roll film for cameras
October 11, 1873 Toronto Argonaut Football Club 1st game losing to U of Toronto
October 11, 1871 Great Chicago Fire is finally extinguished after 3 days, 300 killed
October 11, 1868 Thomas Edison patents his 1st invention: electric voice machine
October 11, 1865 Pres Johnson paroles CSA VP Alexander Stephens
October 11, 1864 Slavery abolished in Maryland
October 11, 1863 Skirmish at Rheatown/Henderson's Mill, Tennessee
October 11, 1861 Battle of Dumfries, VA (Quantico Creek)
October 11, 1811 The Juliana, 1st steam-powered ferryboat, begins operation
October 11, 1797 Battle at Kamperduin: English fleet destroys Bataafse
October 11, 1797 British naval forces defeat Dutch off Camperdown, Netherlands
October 11, 1776 Brig Gen Arnold's Lake Champlain fleet defeated by British
October 11, 1746 Battle at Rocourt: French drive out English/Austria/Neth armies
October 11, 1737 Earthquake kills 300,000 & destroys « of Calcutta India
October 11, 1726 Benjamin Franklin returns to Philadelphia from England
October 11, 1698 France, England & Netherlands signs 1st Extermination treaty
October 11, 1689 Peter the Great becomes tsar of Russia
October 11, 1687 Hungary accepts Habsburgse sovereignty
October 11, 1674 Pierre Corneille's "Surena," premieres in Paris
October 11, 1643 Battle at Wincebt: English New Model-army beats royalists
October 11, 1573 Battle of South Seas - Dutch rebels beat Spanish navy
October 11, 1540 Emperor Karel names his son Philip, duke of Milan
October 11, 1531 Battle at Kappel: Swiss RC kantons beat protestant
October 11, 1521 Pope Leo X titles King Henry VIII of England "Defender of the Faith"
October 11, 1492 Columbus' ships sites land on the horizon (Bahamas)
October 11, 732 Battle at Tours: France under Karel Martel beat Moors



but for me....
october the 11th will always only mean one thing..... it will be the night i danced with him under dim lights - singing softly to each other....
My love,
There's only you in my life. The only thing that's bright.
My first love, You're every breath that I take.
You're every step I make.
And I, I want to share, All my love with you.
No one else will do. And your eyes,
Your eyes, your eyes, They tell me how much you care.
Oooohh yes, you will always be,
My endless love.
Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one. Our lives have just begun.
Forever,
Ohhhhh...
I'll hold you close in my arms.
I can't resist your charms. And love,
Oh, love, I'll be a fool, For you.
I'm sure, You know I don't mind.
Oh, you know I don't mind. 'Cause you,
You mean the world to me.
Oooohh... I know, I've found in you, My endless love.
LEAD....DOO DOO DOO DOO

Oooh, and love. Oh, love, I'll be that fool, For you.
I'm sure, You know I don't mind. Oh you know, I don't mind.
And, YES, You'll be the only one. 'Cause no one can deny,
This love I have inside. And I'll give it all to you, My love,
My love, my love, My endless love.

the night i entered a new stage in life.. the night i went to a hotel and signed the registry so happily with my new name.... and the night i laughed till i cried about all the wonderful things i had seen and heard thoughout the time our family and friends were with us. the night i held him in my arms and promised to always love and care... promised i would always be there.. and promised i would always put our love first....

i just miss the way we used to be, the way he held me, the way he kissed me, the way we talked all night, the way we laughed together about the silly things, the way he understood me - when others seemed not to be able to, the way he held my hand and looked into my eyes, the way he protected me, the way we planned the future to be, the way he lead me into a room, the way he looked out for me, the smile he got when he saw me.....


but most of all, i miss the woman I was back then... carefree and happy, before i turned so bitter... before life got the best of me, and before this wall went up to protect myself from the pain i didnt want to feel again, i miss having those dreams with someone - the ones the two of you only know about, and i miss having a partner in life.
[Edited 9/18/04 20:01pm]

Sometimes in the most reflective moments you find things that you wish you had, or things that bring up memories that help drive the future.

I like to think things happen for a reason and no matter at times how much it may hurt or that longing for the past comes up, we still have hope to find that happiness again in the future.

They say finding someone always happens when you're not looking, but life also happens too.

I hope your memories make you smile more than sad and I hope you find what you're looking for again. Time isn't always a friend, but it's obvious you have friends on here from other posts I've seen.

You seem pretty cool to me anyway!

I'll stop being serious now before I explode.

Hang in there!

-subby

thanks guys so much

really... im gonna be alright, i think

this thread turned out to be way more serious than i thought it was when i was writing it, lets instead....

now, that looks like fun

Now that, my dear, about missing who you used to be.....that seems like a breakthrough.
You can never go back to who you were, but you are so much better now. I don't mean because of who you are not with, but because of who you are as a person. You continue to be compassionate, giving, and loving. You are honest with your children. You are still silly and funky and a music fanatic. Did you laugh more? Maybe. Or maybe it seemed like you did. You will again. Whatever life hands us, we can choose to grow, with all the good qualities becoming greater, or not move an inch, or go backwards. You, piano player, are discovering more about YOU, and that is a good thing. Because you are a gem. You have a lot to give someone, which you will, to someone who fully deserves it, and respects you back. Don't look on that day too sadly, or angrily, or despairingly. It was a kick ass day. But even looking back then, Its easy to see someone who has grown up a lot, and continues to become a fantastic person. Now, go learn to play the damn piano, cuz we all know you like bein naked.

blues..... i love you girl


that was beautiful... and im glad i have you in my life - both today, and way back then - your part in that memory will also live with me forever, a true friend is hard to come by, and i feel fortunate in finding YOU.

all my love....
naked

nakedpianoplayer said:

even when I chew on yo' ass like its a jerky treat, girl, I love ya.

bluesbaby said:

girl, i know, i needed a break to get my head right....
but, im all good now, and i know you did it out of love

ok where is is my beer biatch let's party damn it

OMG, that almost made me cry.

The sad part is that I feel the same way. Especially the part about missing the person you were back then.....before pain, hurt, and life lessons molded me into the man I am today.....we tell each other things will get better, but I know for sure that on Feb. 5th of just about every year, I will drink and reflect on the worst loss of my life.....

First of all.

Nov 19th, Dec 25th and Jan 1st. First date is when I got married, second is when she left to go to work and never came home that night and I found out she was seeing another dude (not the same year we got married though). Merry fuckin' Christmas. Never liked that fuckin' day anyway, but at least now I have a valid reason for hating it. Jan 1st is when I left and never seen her again.

Before anyone says anything about getting over it, that's not even the point, but unless you've gone through something similar you'll never know. A lot of my thoughts and actions these days are still influenced by these events.

awwwww hey guys, this wasnt meant to be a downer.. i just needed to reflect, ya know ?

im so sorry you have experienced this pain, all we can hope is that it makes us better people in the end of all this shit and that the next time around, we are given as much happiness that we all truely deserve.... and that this time, maybe, just maybe, we will hold it closer, and love it just a little bit more.




*disclaimer.. this is by no means saying WE did anything wrong... of course its ALWAYS the other persons fault, we all know that


but, i you guys all the same.....

nakedpianoplayer said:

Actually I didn't do anything and she told me that. that's even more fucked up, but on the other hand even if I did do something wrong I'd still feel she should have handled it differently.

I don't think that any of this shit makes me a better person either. Nothing will ever be that simple again.

Hi naked girlie... I hate them moments too baby.... glad you have a wonderful moment to reflect on, but I find when I reflect, I miss what's happening now and that bums my ass out! Youi are sweet, sorry men suck hon.... we all have our moments....

kendogg said:

I resent that comment.

J0eyC0c0 said:

Come on Joey... we are both men... we know we suck at moments man..... women too have just as many moments, but we are trying to cheer naked up..... hear me man!?

kendogg said:

J0eyC0c0 said:

you have MORE than earned this today joey