Us guys are ignorant sometimes.....

and selfish other times.....

Some are always trying to find out if there's someone better out there for them. Then there's also guys who will fuck whenever they have the opportunity.

J0eyC0c0 said:

That is true.

purplesmoke said:

I always tell the truth. But yeah, it's sad.

jerseykrs said:

That's so true!

althom said:

@ your signature

AndGodCreatedMe said:

Well not speaking for all guys.. but i do believe in being up front about things... ie putting all cards on the table with anyone outside of your primary relationship. I am in and will continue to be in my relationship for the foreseable future... but... that does not mean that I dont often find qualities in other women I may want to explore.

Call it doggish... call it selfish... call it what you will.. but as long as WE know what the situation is up front... I call it a good thing.

Has it gotten me in ackward positions in the past? Sure... I had one female friend I enjoyed talking to and because SHE couldn't keep sex ouit of our conversations (ie describing her BJ techniques and such) I grew to wanting to fuck her so bad it hurt.

You have to look at what it is you find to be appealing in a man and what it is you will or wont tolerate as shortcomings. The problem that women have (I've noticed ) more than men... is a much smaller level of tolerance for shortcommings.

here's an example

*take ten men of different shapes styles and appeals all reasonably okay but most with some seemingmy tolerable shortcoming...and ten women like wise of different shapes styles and appeals and some tolerable shortcomings.

*seperate them into two rooms and ask each group to come out with a list to couple off every one.

*the men will be locked way for about as long as it takes to write someones name down next to thiers... they will accept aspects they may not have normally rather than not have any one at all. They will tolerate a shortcoming. Mens agenda... do what it takes for us all to get laid.

*The women will be locked away for hours... being picky ..bitchy ... and choosey

*When they come out..the men will all have a diferent woman by their name..as I said everyone gets some one.

* The women....4 would be still fighting over the same two guys choosing to share or be the other women... only 2 would have compromised (like the men) and went with someone whom they could deal with rather than be alone.... 2 more women would have just choosen to be alone...and the last 2 would have dated each other.

What I'm saying i women are usually their worse enemy in dating. They would rather compete over a select few men whom they all want (who is most likely in a relationship or a pure player).. but never notice or flat out dismiss all the other not so perfect guys who are available... oh he's too short.. he's too fat... he don't make enough.. his shoes suck.

I thought the author of this thread was a man...

QuakeXLE said:

Problem is that most guys don't tell the woman they're with they might fuck another chick whenever they can. If all three parties would know, then it would be a good thing, but some like to fuck around, but demand the other person to be exclusive.







Preach on brotha man!
[Edited 9/12/04 22:19pm]

QuakeXLE said:

Oh I am so going to have to speak to this one!

First off, Hi my name is Muse or Karen Or Ren.....

Next I love what you wrote and I hear you on that one for the most part.....

However, I am not shallow enough nor foolish enough to fight for the clown that it is Mr hot and player.... I do agree that woman trip on that number. However, I know well that when its all said and done I want the one I can go through this life with and not the one that I can go through the next
82 minutes with. (Always been this way always will be.)

Now, when I am presented to the men outside the catagory stated they are the ones with the issue. I carry myself like a lady and I take care of myself. They think I will trade them off for the top 4 clowns because I can... ( Men will get in where they can so I suppose they figure we will too. )

Yeah I could compromise but Im thinking hell no! I was married for 15 years once. What I learned is you can also be lonely within the context of a relationship.

Be alone? Hell no... I don't see myself choosing that either. I also won't base my choice on looks. I do need to be attracted to the man but this doesn't require a traditional ooh baby baby view. I suspect I am getting closer and closer to getting a handle on all this.

What I am saying is: You say how men come out and its handled no drama. It is my experience that it isn't quite so.

wow- thank you for your insight- I think that what you said IS totally right on the money. And yes, he was VERY honest with me about his situation. It still does not mean that it doesn't SUCK BIG TIME!!!!!

I am a good old fashioned midwest girl- I am not looking to be just a fling OR a one night stand.... (though the thought has crossed my mind!) I am the girl you take home to momma- not to your bed for one night!!!!

Since I first posted this- I have received a few emails from him. It seems that he may possibly (though he has not come right out and said it only hinted at it) That he is dealing with exactly how I feel.

He has been dating her for 5 years- but is "consumed and excited" over knowing me (exact quote)

I have made the decision to not pursue it more than friends and limit the times that we see each other to groups and public outtings- I will always drive separate and not drink to intoxication.... that way I will avoid any weird situation that may arise.

Now, should anything happen to cause he and his girl to split- I want NOTHING to do with it. It is his business that he must attend to on his own.

Thoughts? Am I still walking in dangerous space?
I am just so inspired, drawn, magnetic, curious, and just darn it- he is a very cool guy..... I should not allow my roantic interest to a cool person to be the reson I don't have a friend. Right?

I think I am loosing my mind!!!!! Maybe I should Call LAtoya? *giggle*

And- bROTHERlOIS.... nope- I am as girlie as they get- pink jimmy choo's, louis vitton, tiny purse dog, and lots of pink fluffy things!!!! *giggle*

.
[Edited 9/12/04 23:22pm]

MNlivingCA said:

Dear MN:

If I may be so frank..... He may very well be a "Good guy" caught in the cross roads of life but do try and remember that it could be you in 5 years. At the very least he is demonstrating a lack in sound judgment in selecting to pursue you on a deep level while still deeply involved elsewhere. Maybe you are the catalyst that will enable him to know in fact she is his future or then maybe again that he is in the wrong place. To either end in my respectful opinion, time is needed to develop on an internal level for greater clarity before this man could be worthy of your best.

There's other fishes in the sea

MNlivingCA said:

Keep away from the vodka.

TheFrog said:

Quit that!

MNlivingCA said:

MNlivingCA said:

Poor thing! I am in the same boat too. I am single with guys approaching me telling me how cool I am and how they want to get to know me. It is strange that some guys can say what they want but do not know how to get it and keep it. Once they have a girlfriend I shut them down nicely. I let them know once they are single it is on and popping. I do not get in the middle of relationships. I want guys thinking with a clear head and able to make a sound decision. Don't get with me because I remind you of her or I am with the way she should have been. You do not want the guy to be confused in his decision. Let know once she leaves you all can hang out. If you don't, whenever they have an argument he will run to you. Whenever she doesn't do something he likes he will come to you with it. Hell, if she is getting on your nerves that bad, bounce! Being friends will only confuse things. Guys see enough of what they want to decide if they want to be bothered. It doesn't take long. Why do you have to hang out? It will only make being around them hard (and I do mean HARD!) Tell him to shake her if he wants to be with you but until then you all should not be around each other to confuse the situation. Yeah you want him and he feels ditto, what else could being around each other do? Create more horny tension!! When you pretty much get yourself together men see that and go after it whether they are in a relationship or not. If they are lacking something in their relationship they will find it else where. You will continue to attract folks like that. It is up to you how you handle it. I let guys know I am a single man's treasure and not a married man's toy. It makes things really simple for me. Hope this helps my sista! Rooting for you!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Exactly.

MNlivingCA said:

I'm sure he was "consumed and excited" over knowing her at first, too. Wake-up, girl! Think with your head and not your genitals. This guy is a playa, through and through (I'm sorry, but sometimes some of y'all need some tough love).

"People'll tell ya life is short. No it's not. Life is long. Especially if you make the wrong decisions in life." - Chris Rock

Well, the issue of being pursued or pursuing those in committed relationships is not exclusively a female issue. Just today, I had to walk away from a woman I had really liked. To make a long story short, she said yes and then no. I've dug this girl for a year -- and I am increasingly less prone to get my nose wide open. But yesterday she told me for the first time that she was in a "serious relationship" this guy that she had been dating for a few months. And that's all she wrote, folks. I had lavished all kinds of favors and attentions on her (less so as her indifference became more apparent), but she was indifferent towards me, and then this guy all of a sudden comes along and she's locked up. Speaks volumes of what she thought of me. So I backed off for good, having fully been made aware of the truth.

I find myself agreeing with Quake as to women's wants being at cross purposes with their choices. Which can confuse many men, like myself. I am increasingly starting to realize that the problem is my attractions to women. Invariably, they masquerade as genuine, assertive and desirous of a good man, and reveal themselves as indecisive, sometimes manipulative persons who relish the attentions of a good man but reject the prospect of exploring a relationship with him. One time, one said to me that I was the type of man whom women sought when they were after marriage, but that wasn't what she wanted. 2 years later, she gets married. That sums it up right there.

I say that not to indict all women, I'm just talking about the ones I have been involved with. But the moral of the story is, regardless of who initiates the contact, patterns in dating reflect YOUR choices. You've had bad luck. But so have many others. That's the politics, baby.

You have 3 choices: 1. maintain the same patterns, 2. re-evaluate and try different patterns (involving a change of environment), or 3. just stay away from the dating thing altogether. 2 is the best alternative. But it's hard to do.