making a mere suggestion that we're in dire need of a few good laughs....something I personally haven't done since seeing will farrel IN old school>>>


HOW'S ABOUT WE GET SOME OF THE FUNNY FOLKS TO TELL US some FUNNY jokes so we can cheer up and calm our hormones and stretch our face muscles...




here I'll go first:




... Q: Whats the difference between a tweeker and a heroin addict?









A: A heroin addict
will steal your dope and leave ...













The tweeker will steal your dope and stay to help you look for it

who's next?

Weenis

how many people with multiple personalities does it take to screw in a light bulb?

all one of them.

Turtle turtle!!!

A Little Testy

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''

The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''

''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.


To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with
eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again,
it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too
manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her
little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,
"Mommy, are these my brains?"

Mom said, "Not yet, honey."

2the9s


oh god that one cracks me up every time

What would you have if you had one big green ball in one hand and another big green ball in the other?

You'd have the Jolly green giant in one hell of a fix.



[Edited 9/1/04 19:37pm]

What's better than a 69?

77! Cause you get ate more err..... eight more!

What's the difference between a big cat and a little kitten?

A little pussy never hurt nobody!

What do you give an elephant with diarrea?

LOTS OF ROOOM!!!

Anxiety said:

I want to laugh but I'm not sure

if you're happy or upset.....

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?

His lips start moving.

How do you get an amputee to run?

Push the skateboard.

---

How many blind people does it take to drive a car?

2. 1 to drive the car, 1 to talk to the paramedics.

---

What goes real fast and smells like fish?

A penguin on rollerskates.

---
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers.

The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers.

Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails! "

A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!"

The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?"

The bartender replies, "No!"

The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replies, "No!"

The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers?"

lollyp0p said:

i like that one.

lollyp0p said:

why you little...!

subhuman09 said:

TheFrog said:

TheFrog said:

Here you go:



You need your vitamins.

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"

lollyp0p said:

subhuman09 said:

TheFrog said:

AndGodCreatedMe said:

I agree.

A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary
> married couple for 40 years, I will give you each a wish"
>
> "I want to travel around the world with my dearest
> husband".....said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and
> abracadabra!
> Two tickets appeared in her hands.
>
> Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said:
> "Well.....this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like
> this only occurs once in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my löve, but my
> wish is.....to have a wife 30 years younger than me"
>
> The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The
> Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!
> Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.
>
> Yes indeed!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> Men may be bastards, but
> FAIRIES ARE FEMALE!!

Have you heard the one about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?












He laid awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not.