I don't know if he's staying for a week...or a month...or...whatever. *sigh*

I'm happy to give him my home for some needed stability...yet I also know that he needs to finally settle down in a place of his own, most likely on the east coast. Obviously, I'm too far away to help him in that regard, but I'm hoping that being here will help settle down some of the paranoia, calm him some from the dementia...I hope..

I also hope that this doesn't end up making him even more convinced that I'm the only one he can trust and that everyone else is out to get him or his money... I know that those thoughts do hurt both my sister and brother, even though they know it's not really "him" doing the talking. Dad finds me easy to talk to...I suppose that helps.

Anyway...some of the concerns I have, I wanted to bring up/ask here...such as, I live on the second floor...part of me is concerned about him trying to walk up and down the stairs while I'm not around. He doesn't need a walker or anything like that...but I still become worried.

Also, I know that when with family back east, he's had those moments of just "disappearing"...and I'm not sure if he's just as likely to do so while here. Any suggestions as to how to approach telling him not to "wander off"?? Unlike back east, I'm the only one out here, so it's left to me for however long he's here to make sure he's safe, emotionally and physically.

Truth be told, he may not stay here for more than a few weeks...but while he IS here, I want to "Dad-proof" everything so that there are no worries...(like him falling asleep with the stove or oven on...I can see that happening )...So again, any suggestions or pieces of advice you can give, I will appreciate.

Thanks again, everyone..

mate,
the conditions you talk of can really test a person, even if its your own dad. but deep down, he'll love you for it.
see if any local health authorities have information or literature with advice in this sort of care.
hope everything goes smoothly.

[Edited 8/31/04 13:50pm]

Byron said:

I know this is going to be difficult I don't know if this would prevent him from wandering off...but, you might want to give him lots of stuff to do in the apartment when you're away...get him some books, magazines, and movies he'd like to keep him interested in staying in. Also, you might want to plan things for both of you to do each time you're home...and tell him...like "Dad...I'll be home at (whatever time) and I'd like to take you for dinner (etc)"
It's really hard to approach these things with a parent because if you don't do it the right way they might feel like you're trying to take their independence away (which of course you're not.)
Also, there are little locks you can get for cupboards and for stove knobs and things...if he wants to cook maybe you could just get some microwavable stuff for him. Or take the knobs off and tell him that you're in the process of getting new ones.
I know you won't want to fib to him, but it's kind of the best way to handle these things
OH, also, do your stairs have bannisters? AND...I would talk with your neighbors/landlord about him coming and have them keep an eye out for him.
I hope this helps...and if you need me, I'm here

OH! Also, see if there are any resource centers for Seniors in your area. I'm sure there are people there who can give you some great suggestions. You may even be able to enroll him in some kind of senior activity program while you're at work. I don't know if he could handle it at this point, but it's an idea.
[Edited 8/31/04 14:32pm]

This is a hard one...

My best suggestion to you is to talk to your neighbors and make them aware of your Dad, and his situation.

In this they will know if he is wandering.

You also need to know that he may turn on you as well... Dimentia has a way of doing that. And in that you need to be strong, and understand that he is not in his right mind.

Can you have the oven turned off for awhile, or replaced with an electric stove?

He will do fine, if he is led to believe that he can do it... Good luck, and prayers to you and him.

Byron said:

I'll be honest Byron I have no advice to offer you or wise words of any kind, but I will offery you my support if ever you need it...I can't even imagine what a rough time your Dad is having as well as you and your family...but with time hopefully things will get a little easier

I dont have any great advice for you above what anyone has suggested above.

I would just reiterate what others have said about being prepared just in case he turns on you. I have seen this first hand with my grandma who suffers from paranoia. It can be really devastating at the time when accusations are made butyou have to remember that it is an illness and sufferers cant help their irrational feelings.

I think it is great that you are looking out for him. We only ever get one father.

Thank you for the advice and thoughts and well wishes..*smile*

Apples & Sag, I have indeed thought of a few of the things you've mentioned, especially having neighbors or employees of the complex keep an eye out for my father should he wander off...or rather, to just make a mental note of it (I don't want to have them feel my father is there responsibility). That way they can help me locate him if ever I should come home and find the apartment empty...just knowing that he left 30 minutes ago instead of 3 hours ago can be a huge help.

I'm preparing myself for a loss of a bit of my privacy, but it's worth it in the short term anway...I think giving him many things to do may help (I doubt he'd read, but he'll love watching old movies...so I'll be off to Blockbuster soon..lol)...

Again, thanks to each of you, I've said it before but it truly does help to read the words of those who have experienced something similar...(I'll be taking your words of advice to heart, bkw...believe me)..

I hope things work out for the best, I think they will. The most important thing is to enjoy your time together, no matter what frustrations or dificulty may exist, but I know you know this already my wise, handsome and funny friend.

Sweeny79 said:

I hope things work out okay. This will be very challenging and at times hectic and frustrating. He is lucky to have a son like you who cares so much.

luv4u said:

Thanks... ...And we all care so very deeply about this man... He may not be realizing it, but he's very lucky to have all of us in his corner (something tells me he knows, deep down...*smile*)

My sincere best wishes... been there in a similar sense, you know.

Freespirit said:

Byron said:

He knows. But, it's just that things aren't coming together right for him. When is he coming?

applekisses said:

I don't know if things are coming together right for him, but I do know that things are coming together just as fate would have them.

Hey Byron, I am not sure of the history between you and your dad but the fact that he trusts you so much counts for an awfull lot, you'd be surprised but you could probably tell him anything. There is some excellent advice already posted so I'm not going to dilute that with my incoherent ramblings. Just be there for him as much as you can and try to enjoy some time together, make the most of it.

sag10 said:

Hi Saggy!

That's true. But, I meant, mentally. I guess I should have said that...lol.
I remember when my dad had dementia. It was really a scary and sad time.

applekisses said:

Hi baby!

PREDOMINANT said:

Thank you...

applekisses said:

He's supposed to be arriving tomorrow afternoon, around 3pm...

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Thank you, too...

Buy him a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile phone so that you can stay in touch with him if he leaves your apartment whilst you're at work.

BinaryJustin said:

I hadn't thought of that....that's a good idea.

Byron said:

I'll be praying for you guys

applekisses said:

*smile*... Thanks, hun...