I was thinkin' about some old songs that used to make me laugh... here's one:

Wasn't That a Party by Rover's Whisky

Could've been the whiskey
Might've been the gin
Could've been the three or four six-packs,
I don't know, but look at the mess I'm in
My head is like a football
I think I'm going to die
Tell me, me oh, me oh my
Wasn't that a party

Someone took a grapefruit
Wore it like a hat
I saw someone under my kitchen table
Talking to my old tom cat
They were talking about hockey
The cat was talking back
Long about then every-thing went black
Wasn't that a party

I'm sure it's just my memory
Playing tricks on me
But I think I saw my buddy
Cutting down my neighbour's tree

Could've been the whiskey
Might've been the gin
Could've been the three or four six-packs,
I don't know, but look at the mess I'm in
My head is like a football
I think I'm going to die
Tell me, me oh, me oh my
Wasn't that a party

Billy, Joe and Tommy
Well they went a little far
They were sittin' in my back yard, blowing on a sireen
From somebody's police car

So you see, Your Honour
It was all in fun
The little bitty track meet down on main street
Was just to see if the cops could run
Well they run us in to see you
In an alcoholic haze
I sure can use those thirty days
To re-cover from the party

Could've been the whiskey
Might've been the gin
Could've been the three or four six-packs,
I don't know, but look at the mess I'm in
My head is like a football
I think I'm going to die
Tell me, me oh, me oh my
Wasn't that a party


If you've never heard this song... find a link... it's pretty funny... lemme see... I think I know a few more... maybe I should stop hangin' out at bars

The Asshole Song ( I 95 song) by Jimmy Buffett

Well I was drivin' down I-95 the other night.
Somebody nearly cut me right off the road.
I decided it wasn't gonna do any good to get mad.
So I wrote a song about him instead.
It goes like this...

Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
'cause you're an asshole tonight.

Yes you're an A S S H O L E...
And don't you try to blame it on me.
You deserve all the credit.
You're an asshole tonight.

You were an asshole yesterday.
You're an asshole tonight.
And I've got a feelin'
you'll be an asshole the rest of your life.

And I was talkin' to your mother
just the other night.
I told her I thought you were an asshole.
She said, "Yes. I think you're right."

And all your friends are assholes
'cause you've known them your whole life.
And somebody told me
you've got an asshole for a wife.

Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
'cause you're an aaaass...hole tonight.

The Rodeo Song by David Allen Coe

Well it's 40 below and I don't give a fuck,
Got a heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo

It's an alla man left and alla man right
Come on you fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage you god damn goof you know

You piss me off, you fuckin' jerk
You get on my nerves

Here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand,
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo

It's an alla man left and alla man right
Come on you fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage you god damn goof you know

You piss me off, you fuckin' jerk
You get on my nerves

Well it's 40 below and I ain't got a truck
and I don't give a fuck 'cause I'm off to the rodeo

Where it's an alla man left and alla man right
Come on you fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off stage you god damn goof you know

You piss me off, you fuckin' jerk
You get on my nervs


That's all I got...

Hey man.You heard that song? Funny as hell
Maybe I'm drinking too much.Look at my new glasses.
Hey! Where's my carrot?

kendogg said:

correction...that's The Irish Rovers...later to be called, simply, The Rovers

Sing them to me

REDBABY said:

Let me warm up my voice first..... (AHEM!!!!)...me me me me meeeee...

kendogg said:

REDBABY said:

Spiders And Snakes
(written by: Jim Stafford)



I remember when Mary Lou said
'You wanna walk me home from school'
And I said, 'Yes, I do'
She said, 'I don't have to go right home
And I'm the kind that likes to be alone
As long as you would'
I said, 'Me, too'

And so we took a stroll
Wound up down by the swimmin' hole
And she said, 'Do what you want to do'
I got silly and I found a frog
In the water by a hollow log
And I shook it at her
And I said 'This frog's for you'
She said...

Chorus:
'I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
You fool, you fool
I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
Like I want to be loved by you'

Well, I think of that girl from time to time
I call her up when I got a dime
I say, "Hello, baby'
She says, 'Ain't you cool'
I say, 'Do you remember when?
And would you like to get together again?'
She says, 'I'll see you after school'

I was shy and so for a while
Most of my love was touch and smile
Til she said, 'Come on over here'
I was nervous as you might guess
Still looking for somethin' to slip down her dress
And she said, 'Let's make it perfectly clear'
She said...

A Boy Named Sue - Johhny Cash

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

Dead Skunk
Loudon Wainwright III
words and music by Loudon Wainwright III

Crossin' the highway late last night,
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right,
He didn't see the station wagon, car,
The skunk got squashed and there you are!
(Chorus)
You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road,
Dead skunk in the middle of the road,
Dead skunk in the middle of the road,
Stinkin' to high heaven!
Take a whiff on me that ain't no rose!
Roll up yer window and hold yer nose,
You don't have to look and you don't have to see,
'Cause you can feel it in your olfactory,
(Repeat Chorus)
Yeah you got yer dead cat and you got yer dead dog,
On a moonlight night you got yer dead toad frog
Got yer dead rabbit and yer dead raccoon,
The blood and the guts they're gonna make you swoon!
You got yer dead skunk, in the middle,
Dead skunk in the middle of the road.
Dead skunk in the middle of the road,
Stinkin' to high heaven.
C'mon stink!
(Fiddle break)
You got it,
It's dead, it's in the middle,
Dead skunk in the middle!
Dead skunk in the middle of the road,
Stinkin' to high heaven!
All over the road, technicolor man!
Oh, you got pollution.
It's dead, it's in the middle,
And it's stinkin' to high, high heaven!
(Fiddle fadeout)