RECIPE FOR LOVE:

2x Laughing eyes
2x Well shaped legs
2x Loving arms
2x Firm milk containers
2x Nuts
1x Fur lined mixing bowl
1x firm banana

Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes
2. Spread well shaped legs with loving arms
3 Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur lined mixing bowl is well greased, check regularly with finger.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
(For best results, continue to knead milk containers). 5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably not over night).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:
1. If in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town

Delia Smith made this for me once.

unfortunately she put the banana in the blender and it all got a bit messy.

TheFrog said:

ewwwww

It sounds like a really strange recipe.
I dont understand the proccess.
Something odd is going on.

drgoldsmoke said:

Why, Jason?

how to boil and egg

1. How do you boil eggs? The answer to this is carefully. What we need to do first of all is memorise a few very important rules. Don't ever boil eggs that have come straight from the refrigerator, because very cold eggs plunged straight into hot water are likely to crack. Always use a kitchen timer – trying to guess the timing or even remembering to look at your watch can be hazardous. Never over-boil eggs (you won't if you have a timer) – this is the cardinal sin because the yolks will turn black and the texture will be like rubber. If the eggs are very fresh (less than four days old), allow an extra 30 seconds on each timing.

2. Always use a small saucepan – eggs with too much space to career about and crash into one another while they cook are likely to crack. Never have the water fast boiling; a gentle simmer is all they need. Remember that eggs have a pocket at their wide end where air collects and, during the boiling, pressure can build up and cause cracking. A simple way to deal with this is to make a pinprick in the rounded end of the shell, which will allow the steam to escape.

3. Obviously, every single one of us has a personal preference as to precisely how we like our eggs cooked. Over the years I have found a method that is both simple and reliable, and the various timings set out here seem to accommodate all tastes. On the subject of eating soft-boiled eggs, I personally am willing to take the risk. As a general practice, though, it is not advisable to serve these to vulnerable groups, such as very young children, pregnant women, the elderly or anyone weakened by serious illness.

Soft-boiled eggs – method

First of all, have a small saucepan filled with enough simmering water to cover the eggs by about 1/2 inch (1 cm). Then quickly, but gently, lower the eggs into the water, one at a time, using a tablespoon. Now switch a timer on and give the eggs exactly 1 minute's simmering time. Then remove the pan from the heat, put a lid on it and set the timer again, giving the following timings:

- 6 minutes will produce a soft, fairly liquid yolk and a white that is just set but still quite wobbly
- 7 minutes will produce a firmer, more creamy yolk with a white that is completely set.

Soft-boiled eggs – method 2

I have found this alternative method also works extremely well. This time you place the eggs in the saucepan, cover them with cold water by about 1/2 inch (1 cm), place them on a high heat and, as soon as they reach boiling point, reduce the heat to a gentle simmer and give the following timings:

- 3 minutes if you like a really soft boiled egg
- 4 minutes for a white that is just set and a yolk that is creamy
- 5 minutes for a white and yolk perfectly set, only a little bit squidgy in the centre.

Hard-boiled eggs

Place the eggs in a saucepan and add enough cold water to cover them by about 1/2 inch (1 cm). Bring the water up to simmering point, put a timer on for 6 minutes if you like a bit of squidgy in the centre, 7 minutes if you want them cooked through. Then, the most important part is to cool them rapidly under cold running water. Let the cold tap run over them for about 1 minute, then leave them in cold water till they're cool enough to handle – about 2 minutes.

4. Peeling hard-boiled eggs can be extremely tricky if the eggs are too fresh. The number one rule, therefore, is to use eggs that are at least five days old from their packing date. The best way to do this is to first tap the eggs all over to crack the shells, then hold each egg under a slow trickle of running water as you peel the shell off, starting at the wide end. The water will flush off any bits of shell that cling on. Then back they go into cold water until completely cold. If you don't cool the eggs rapidly they will go on cooking and become overcooked, then you get the black-ring problem.

5. The distinctive colour of quails' eggs makes them a beautiful alternative to hens' eggs, and they're just as simple to cook. For boiling, again, they should not be too fresh, and they are best cooked by lowering them into simmering water for 5 minutes. Then cool them rapidly and peel them as above.

REDFEATHERS said:

how do u know I am Jason!!!???

drgoldsmoke said:

because you both love me the same, its sooo obvious

U sussed me out, or so u think...

drgoldsmoke said:

I can suss anything out

I have sussed out things about you, even YOU dont know!!!

Ur ignorance draws me 2 u.

drgoldsmoke said:

My ignorance is certainly unique

I think u love me.

drgoldsmoke said:

I think I most certainly do not..

REDBABY said:

Aint talking 2 U u piss stained old man mollesting thread worm with halotosis.

drgoldsmoke said:

Jason

Jason?
Cha!
Hes a looser.

TheFrog said:

I heard that Delia Smith used to be the special saturday night
guest dominatrix at the Karl Lagerfeld bondage rooms a few
years ago.

Somehow I've always known she'd be the type to spread her
tart all over a gagged man's face.

She radiates masochistic longing when she's boiling those eggs
and steaming that broccoli in her shows.

drgoldsmoke said:

REDFEATHERS said:

Does it have to be a banana.....?.....

Cos Frogs nicked all mine for the banana dropping, throwing and straightening events

at the 2008 Olympics.....

Will a slightly bent, but firm cucumber do instead.....?...

I'm sure that's what Fanny Craddock used to use...after she had sunk the eighth bottle of wine

(at least that's what her Johnny used to say)

IstenSzek said:

okay, i hereby vow never, ever, to eat anything again.

REDFEATHERS said:

I am hungry....

kendogg said:

I am very good in the kitchen

TheFrog said:

would it help if I told you she was wearing nipple clamps
and anal balls at the time?

it's hard to tell what happened after as I was being scuffed to the
side by Diarmud Gavin who wanted to use some of his gardentools
on me

IstenSzek said:

not only would it help, it would change my mind totally!

go delia!

and we want evidence of the trowel incident.

and by evidence i mean photos, videos* and dvds.



* Betamax is not acceptable.

poisonivyedit
[This message was edited Mon Aug 23 7:07:34 2004 by IstenSzek]

TheFrog said:

I did manage to see there was a filmcrew present just before mr Gavin
blindfolded me and proceeded to tease my nipples with bambooleaves

I guess Laurence 'Sue-Ellen' Bowen was there as well since I heard his
voice chirp in the background during our session, sighing that Diarmuid
should note that his garden implements clashed hideously with his
leather outfit

From the muffled sounds I can only gather that Laurence was then tied
to a stake and talked into an agonising delirium by Kilroy.

When I wrote to the BBC a few days later they said that all footage had
been stored in their private vault and would be released at a later date

IstenSzek said:

Your moaning will be the instrumentation for Bjork's new single Infusion.

gooeythehamster said:

in a twisted way, that would really turn me on



than again, what doesn't turn me on?